tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54717156920775068012024-02-21T11:21:16.650+11:00Explicit ConceptsLorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.comBlogger138125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-28401796641064749002017-07-04T09:00:00.000+10:002017-07-04T09:21:02.703+10:00I am HERE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0Y1WnJpPWH9Q6tNhWciLsVaYzx8oQ2pqt8X8-BKiJ0iQYTrocIwRc2Cdem5V__LoHfI0EwwdF_687dPSMaQsf278EFXZu0e3V6i4h5zDmMugVjukwShFqPSfcSt8ZtlKp49P1zH-_Gwg/s1600/I+am+HERE.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0Y1WnJpPWH9Q6tNhWciLsVaYzx8oQ2pqt8X8-BKiJ0iQYTrocIwRc2Cdem5V__LoHfI0EwwdF_687dPSMaQsf278EFXZu0e3V6i4h5zDmMugVjukwShFqPSfcSt8ZtlKp49P1zH-_Gwg/s400/I+am+HERE.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
... well, actually, <a href="http://lornapatten.com/articles/" target="_blank">I'm over here now</a>!</div>
<br />
Today I launched my new brand and website at <a href="http://lornapatten.com/" target="_blank">www.lornapatten.com</a> so I will be closing the Explicit Concepts blog soon. You'll find all my articles on my <a href="http://lornapatten.com/articles/" target="_blank">new blog</a> and if you'd like to receive my latest articles directly into your Inbox, <a href="http://email.accurateexpressions.com.au/h/y/92F1D374CE0243BF" target="_blank">click here to subscribe!</a><br />
<br />
<img align="middle" border="0" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" />Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-3006295081059761442017-06-06T09:00:00.000+10:002017-06-06T09:00:31.655+10:00The Power Of You<p>
The power of you is that you are you.</p>
<p>
Simple. Powerful.</p>
<p>
The power of you is that you are free to choose to create yourself however you like in the paradigm of cause. You get to choose how you show up … powerfully.</p>
<p>
It has nothing to do with anyone else.</p>
<p>
You don’t have any power over anyone or anything.<br />
Seeking power over someone or something is not power…it’s <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-control.html">control</a>.<br />
And seeking to control is borne out of fear not love. It comes from the paradigm of fear - victim/persecutor/rescuer - and never produces that which you seek … certainty or security or peace.</p>
<p>
The power of you is that you are pure loving creative energy, able to choose to <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-be-do-have.html">BE</a> whomever you choose and out of that <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-be-do-have.html">DO</a> whatever brings you joy and <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-be-do-have.html">HAVE</a> whatever you choose. The power of you is that you are response-able for all that you are and all that you do and all that you have and you get to choose how to respond … again … and again … and again …</p>
<p>
All it takes is your willingness to accept the awesome power of who you are and what’s really possible when you choose <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2006/12/are-you-giving-fear-or-love.html">love over fear</a>.</p>
<p>
That’s the power of you.</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"The power of you is that you are you"</i></span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-19529159741925213162017-05-02T09:00:00.000+10:002017-05-02T09:00:14.007+10:00Trust Me<p>
You can really only trust one thing about me, and that is, you can trust me to be me.</p>
<p>
Sometimes <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2008/04/pay-attention.html">aware</a> and responsible and loving and detached … sometimes shut-down, scared and reacting like a wounded child and everything in between.</p>
<p>
Yet when things get tough and I am consumed by my unresolved feelings and emotions, when I forget who I am and simply react out of my fear of being hurt/abandoned or whatever it is then you will experience me either fighting or fleeing or simply stonewalling. When I am in that feeling state, I will do whatever it takes to survive … including lying and betraying you to be true to myself.</p>
<p>
And there’s the sting in the tail of trust.</p>
<p>
It’s not about you … it’s about me.</p>
<p>
Can I trust myself to know the difference between truth and lies? Can I trust my response to you and the external world beyond any words or actions that say otherwise? <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2006/09/self-doubt-is-traitor.html">Can I trust me?</a></p>
<p>
If I think that trust is about trusting you, I am bound to experience betrayal in some form or another and so are you. When I remember that trusting myself is the key to trust then <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-what-do-you-trust.html">trusting you</a> to always or never do this or that is not necessary.</p>
<p>
Being present to the whole of what is going on for me … being aware of my own internal knowing of what’s actually going on and trusting that is far more effective than trusting anyone or anything outside of me.</p>
<p>
And when I remember this, trusting me to be and you to be you … is easy.</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Trust is an inside job"</i></span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-45646947313647977092017-04-04T09:00:00.000+10:002017-04-04T09:00:09.202+10:00Being Selfish Works<p>
Does the idea of <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-being-selfish.html">being selfish</a> bring up a whole lot of feelings, thoughts and judgements for you?</p>
<p>
When young, you were probably taught (as I was) that being selfish is “wrong’” and “bad” and therefore if you were selfish, it meant you were “bad” and “wrong”. Let’s face it, selfish in this context is not something any of us want to be accused of or known for.</p>
<p>
And in your desire to be seen as anything but selfish - out of the fear of being judged as “<a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2006/06/youll-never-get-to-be-good-enough.html">not good enough</a>” - you began playing the game of life from the victim-persecutor-rescuer dynamic, often denying your needs/wants/desires in order to be seen as “good’” and “right” and “selfless” because you put others first.</p>
<p>
So how is that working out for you?</p>
<p>
Taking care of others at the expense of yourself is not a recipe for peace or joy or fulfilment and it creates exactly what you don’t really want… the game goes on.</p>
<p>
As with all things, the meaning you give to the idea of being selfish is absolutely context-dependent.</p>
<p>
When you choose to be selfish from the context of I Create the Whole of My Own Reality, when you choose selfishly from a context of love, it means that you include your loving self in your choices to <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-be-do-have.html">BE, Do and Have</a>. It means that you are willing to consider yourself and your needs as well as considering others. It means that you value yourself and your feelings and your needs not at the expense of others but as well as. And it means as well as giving support, you are willing to <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2010/05/asking-for-help.html">ask for</a> and receive support for yourself too.</p>
<p>
Being selfish in the new paradigm means taking care of yourself first so that you can BE who you choose to be with and for others.</p>
<p>
In the context of love, being selfish actually works … for you and for me.</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"When I selfishly create the whole of my own reality from love
everybody benefits including me"</i></span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-4524875664293655962017-03-07T09:00:00.000+11:002017-03-07T09:00:14.959+11:00The Key To Understanding Anyone<p>
When you have an experience of being misunderstood or are accused of “not understanding”, take a moment to consider that there is something missing that just might make sense of whatever is perceived as “mis-understood”.</p>
<p>
Yet when faced with the feelings that accompany <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-misunderstood-is-a-myth.html">misunderstanding</a>, you probably go straight to reacting, protecting and defending and nothing changes.</p>
<p>
In the paradigm of cause, understanding starts with a willingness to accept that whatever is happening and however you are reacting to it, there is something else going on under the surface that, when acknowledged, changes everything.</p>
<p>
And to know this you only have to look at your own experience of being mis-understood.</p>
<p>
What occurs is you say or do something that produces a reaction you do not like/did not expect. Then you push back - usually with the words: “You don’t understand!” and start explaining why the other is wrong for not “getting it/you”. Of course, the blame game never creates resolution, so round and round you go, feeling mis-understood and blaming the other.</p>
<p>
When you accept that there was <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2007/01/what-arent-you-saying.html">something missing</a> in your original communication which produced the reaction, you can then respond by communicating explicitly and clearly the missing bits. And if you want to know where to look it’s usually that you did not give context before the content so the other makes up what they think you meant.</p>
<p>
You have your own very sound reasons for everything you do/say … and so does everyone else. Mis-understanding occurs when you fail to communicate the whole of what’s going on - particularly how you feel - and what you want as a response.</p>
<p>
If you want to understand and be understood, say what you mean, ask the other <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/communicating-meaning-is-key.html">what they mean</a> and respond to the whole communication … and you will understand.</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"I will never ask you to understand my life but I will ask you<br>not to judge it as you do not understand it"</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Eric Patten</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-2863938954391377812017-02-07T09:00:00.000+11:002017-02-07T09:00:03.154+11:00The Value Of You<p>
What is the value of you?</p>
<p>
If you are tempted to answer this question by first running through a list of all your achievements and judging their value … <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-wake-up.html">think again</a>.</p>
<p>
The starting place for giving yourself the power to consciously create your life as you want is to look at your current way of valuing yourself and what you do.</p>
<p>
There are two distinct meanings for the word value:</p>
<ol>
<li>
Precise meaning or significance - intrinsic</li>
<li>
The desirability of a thing often in respect of its usefulness or exchangeability - relative</li>
</ol>
<p>
Obviously, while you confuse the two meanings of the word value, you remain unclear about your own <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2014/06/nobodys-perfect.html">intrinsic value</a> and you remain confused about who you are and what you can do.</p>
<p>
As long as you judge yourself on the basis of relative worth when compared to others, and stay focused on proving you are good/right rather than capable … you don’t have time for much else, it becomes a relentless circle and nothing changes.</p>
<p>
If on the other hand, you value yourself for your capacity to BE who you are and choose what you want to DO, then you are free to choose again … and again.</p>
<p>
So let go of the <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2016/11/getting-to-be-good-enough.html">good enough stuff</a>, the right/wrong, the good/bad and simply let yourself acknowledge the intrinsic value of who you are AND what you have done which has resulted in whatever is happening. Let go of diverting into explanations and justifications and simply tell the truth about the whole of your reality including acknowledging the value.</p>
<p>
As long as you devalue yourself by saying you are not as good or as capable as someone else, because your exchange rate is not seen to be as high, you assume that your ability to create your life as you want it to be is also of limited possibility and value. This is simply not so.</p>
<p>
You will discover this for yourself when you are willing to accept that the value of you is that you are YOU … powerful creative being able to choose. When you acknowledge the whole of what is so including that the whole of what you have created has value and take responsibility for it, then you can create anything you can think of.</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Value yourself.<br>
The only people who appreciate a doormat are people with dirty shoes."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Leo F. Buscaglia</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-57356593361966320002017-01-10T09:00:00.000+11:002017-01-10T09:00:09.310+11:00Resolve To Be On Purpose<p>
Nothing like a new year to get inspired and motivated to start something new or “turn over a new leaf” or change something - by making a New Year’s resolution or three …</p>
<p>
Yet (as you have probably experienced) the success rate of most New Year resolutions is not very high because they are often content based rather than contextual. Then the initial excitement of making sweeping changes is soon replaced by the ups and downs of daily life and everything that goes with it … including those pesky unconscious habits and behaviours that just keep on keeping on … and resolutions often just go out the window.</p>
<p>
If you want to change something or many things, if you are truly resolved to make a new choice or choices … start with getting clear about your <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-for-what-purpose.html">purpose</a>.</p>
<p>
How you do this is first identify what you want to change, what new choices are you making, then ask yourself: ‘For what purpose?”, and keep asking until you get a <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2014/02/whats-your-real-purpose.html">clear context</a>.</p>
<p>
This year I am choosing to be more organised regarding my finances and budgeting processes; to let go of how difficult I experience keeping up with technology; to stop “stuffocating” myself and let go of a whole lot of stuff I don’t need or use anymore and to enjoy all the moments whatever is going on.</p>
<p>
When I asked myself “For what purpose?” the answers that came were all about ease and flow … when I asked what that was really about for me what came up was “Trust”.</p>
<p>
My purpose, my context is Trust in 2017.</p>
<p>
Trusting in who I am - powerful, valuable, lovable, responsible, creative; trusting in what I know including that things will <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2009/09/change-is-constant.html">keep changing</a>; trusting in the process and outcomes I am creating whether consciously realised or not and trusting in my ability to respond to whatever shows up.</p>
<p>
What’s yours?</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"When you stay on purpose and you refuse to be discouraged by fear,<br>
you align with the infinite self, in which all possibilities exist."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Dr Wayne W. Dyer</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-52431057734887091392016-12-06T09:00:00.000+11:002016-12-06T09:00:01.029+11:00Being Yourself<p>
Being yourself is not about doing anything in particular.</p>
<p>
It’s about who you choose to BE and how you choose to show up while you do whatever you choose to do.</p>
<p>
It starts with the awareness and acceptance that who you are is powerful, loveable and valuable … because you are. Not because you <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-be-do-have.html">did or did not do</a> something but because you are loveable and powerful and truly okay being you.</p>
<p>
And then it’s about accepting how you show up, how you are perceived and received by others and choosing whether to keep showing up that way or make some changes.</p>
<p>
Being yourself is about wholeheartedly embracing the paradigm of yourself as cause … that who you are is able to choose and respond and create and manifest whatever you believe you can.</p>
<p>
It means being willing to experience the whole of your own reality from the context of being source rather than just from the product point who feels and thinks and reacts. By letting go of <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-you-are-not-what-you-do.html">valuing yourself solely for what you do</a> and your judgements about how well or badly you do things, you free yourself to value BEING yourself no matter what you do.</p>
<p>
It’s about owning yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your choices and all the consequences and taking responsibility for the whole of who you are not just the bits you judge as ok but the whole.</p>
<p>
Being yourself is the <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/just-choose.html">most liberating choice</a> you will ever make and it’s not for the faint-hearted … it requires rigour and discipline to stay sourced in love when the fearful ego mind comes calling … and when you truly accept yourself, being yourself comes easy.</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"You are you. Now isn’t that pleasant?"</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Dr Seuss</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-59191781784300492232016-11-08T09:00:00.000+11:002016-11-08T09:00:18.531+11:00Getting To Be Good Enough<p>
Not going to happen … not now … not ever.</p>
<p>
The whole “good-enough/not-good-enough” stuff is based on a lie.</p>
<p>
And if you are not conscious of it, it runs you.</p>
<p>
It’s insidious and deep and sticky and in my experience never really “goes away”. The “not-good-enough” story is on a permanent loop in your <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-ego-mind-games.html">ego-mind</a> and it just keeps on playing. You get to choose whether you keep agreeing with it or not. You get to choose how to respond and you get to keep choosing.</p>
<p>
The quest for “good enough” is really just a search for a feeling of being ok. A feeling of peace and security instead of feeling “not-good-enough” and the emotions that come with it … shame, hurt, anxious, etc. So you seek to feel “better”, usually by doing more and more in the hope you will get to be “good enough”.</p>
<p>
Well, getting to be good enough is a myth.</p>
<p>
Who you are is a magnificent, powerful, loveable creative being and has nothing to do with “good-enough” or “not-good-enough”. Those are both polar opposite <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-judgement-is-not-truth.html">judgements</a> about whatever is happening. And as soon as you agree that the judgement about what’s happening is actually about you the creator, rather than about what you have created, down the rabbit hole of fear you go.</p>
<p>
So next time the “not-good enough” stuff arises … stop … take a breath … remind yourself this is a feeling, not a fact … breathe …allow the feeling to move through you and release … and it will when you <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2007/11/give-it-up.html">give up</a> your “not-good enough” stuff.</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>If your goal in life is to become all that you are<br>
give up the “not-good-enough” stuff<br>
and realise yourself.</i></span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-46127801243634456882016-10-04T09:00:00.000+11:002016-10-04T09:00:11.619+11:00The Gift Of The Unconscious<p>
When you choose to embrace: <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-i-create-the-whole-of-my-reality.html">“I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality”</a> it means that you are choosing to BE the cause of the whole of your own reality. However, it does not mean that you CONSCIOUSLY cause or create the whole of your own reality. You consciously create everything that you are aware of creating. And I bet there is a fair chunk of your reality that you do not have consciousness about creating!</p>
<p>
Yet you do indeed create it all with love and wisdom. If your choice is to <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2014/05/change-yourself.html">live an authentic, fully realised and self-expressed life</a>, then experiencing the magnificence of who you really are as cause then becoming conscious of your unconscious choices is crucial.</p>
<p>
Here’s a few simple steps to help you uncover the gift of your unconscious … what’s really going on … when you find yourself experiencing reality you did not consciously choose.</p>
<ol>
<li>
Accept that no matter how you feel about what’s happening, in the paradigm of cause, you did create it. And because you create everything with love and wisdom, whether realised in the moment or not, whatever is occurring is your creation and as such you can respond consciously and choose again.</li>
<li>
Accept that whatever is occurring is showing you something you have been unconscious of so that you can become conscious and respond differently, i.e., make a different choice. Ask yourself: “What is this really about for me?” and pay attention to what shows up.</li>
<li>
Accept that whatever you are feeling about what is happening, it’s not the truth about what is happening, it’s the truth about what you are feeling … <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2016/07/feelings-are-not-facts.html">not a fact</a> and you can respond consciously. So breathe … and allow … and accept … and release.</li>
<li>
Accept that there is a gift in whatever is manifest and choose to become conscious of how you caused whatever is happening and it’s inherent gift.</li>
</ol>
<p>
The shortcut is simply acceptance of yourself as loveable, valuable, powerful and magnificent creator of the whole of your own reality … and that’s a gift!</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"There is no coming to consciousness without pain.<br>
People will do anything, no matter how absurd,<br>
in order to avoid facing their own Soul.<br>
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light,<br>
but by making the darkness conscious."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">- C.G. Jung</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-16049220934781242262016-09-06T09:00:00.000+10:002016-09-06T09:00:15.765+10:00You Are Response-Able<p>
Responsibility has nothing to do with blame, shame, guilt or fault. All are derived from a context of fear - the fear that when you do something “wrong” it means that <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2007/06/who-are-you.html">WHO YOU ARE</a> is “wrong” and round you go again with the “not good enough” stuff.</p>
<p>
If you want to get off the wheel of making yourself “wrong”, step up and BE responsible - Response-Able - for all that you experience, all that you do and all that you have.</p>
<p>
BEING responsible from the paradigm of I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality means that whatever happens, the first place you go is within … the first thing you do is <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-inside-out.html">look inside</a> and ask “How did I cause this to occur?” rather than react out of your feelings and blame something or someone outside of you. Tempting as it is, particularly when reacting strongly out of fear, remember to stop …take a breath and let yourself feel the feeling … breathe and allow and let it release. Then you have some space to remember that you are able to respond from love rather than just react out of fear. You are the cause and you can respond any way you choose.</p>
<p>
It’s not an easy thing to do when you start … it takes practice and rigour and above all a consistent choice to remember WHO YOU ARE: powerful beyond measure and able to respond. And the more you are willing to BE responsible for all that you experience, the more you are willing to adopt the filter that you are able to respond to whatever shows up, the more you will experience yourself as cause rather than a victim of your fearful <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-ego-mind-games.html">ego mind</a>, your emotional reactions and the external world. </p>
<p>
When you remember that fear is an illusion and only love is real, BEING responsible is the key to creating the reality you choose.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
<p align="center"><font color="#CCCCCC">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</font><br>
<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Responsibility starts with the willingness<br>to experience yourself as cause…"</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Werner Erhard</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-4317129793710014712016-08-09T09:00:00.000+10:002016-08-09T09:00:11.144+10:00Choosing To Open Up<p>
Being open is not really hard … it just feels that way sometimes … and being open is simply necessary when you choose to live authentically and boldly as yourself.</p>
<p>
So why does it seem so hard to open up, particularly when you feel something uncomfortable?</p>
<p>
Because when you open up, not only are you choosing to allow others to see inside you but also to let things out … what you really think and feel, what you really want and desire, beyond your fearful ego-mind’s insidious need to protect and defend by withholding your deeper emotional truth.</p>
<p>
Opening up to yourself requires a willingness to reveal to yourself who you really are and what’s really going on at any point in time. It is a process of unwrapping the layers of fearful thinking you have used to protect yourself … usually from feeling something you don’t want to feel. Yet when you open up and let yourself go all the way with your truth, everything changes and you will discover that being open is the pathway to inner peace.</p>
<p>
When you choose to open up be prepared to <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.de/2014/09/prepare-yourself-for-feeling-fallout.html">feel things</a> that you have been avoiding or suppressing, be prepared to confront fears and longings that you have been denying and be prepared to discover that what you feared would happen when you open up, usually doesn’t!</p>
<p>
In fact, when you <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-beopen.html">open up</a> to yourself and others, others will open up to you. And when there is openness in your communication and relationships, genuine connection and responding occur and you and the other both get outcomes you enjoy.</p>
<p>
Choosing to open up is like anything else in the paradigm of I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality … a choice you can make moment by moment because you choose to. And when you choose to open up, you have more choices about <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-be-do-have.html">how to BE and what to DO so you can HAVE</a> what you truly want.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
<p align="center"><font color="#CCCCCC">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</font><br>
<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Openness doesn't come from resisting our fears<br>
but from getting to know them well."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Pema Chodron</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-435558238422454602016-07-05T09:00:00.000+10:002016-07-05T09:00:03.576+10:00Feelings Are Not Facts<p>
Chances are you learned from an early age to judge your feelings - and yourself - when expressing a feeling others didn’t like. And without any real education and experience of the value of your feelings, you shut down and began <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/feeling-stressed.html">suppressing, repressing and depressing</a> strong emotional reactions and feelings, particularly the ones you judge as not okay, not appropriate, “negative”.</p>
<p>
Yet your ability to feel and react emotionally to things is part of being human and, as such, has value and purpose and the power to transform you and your experience of life.</p>
<p>
First let go of the old childhood belief: “Some feelings are bad and some feelings are good” and instead adopt the belief: “Feelings are neither bad nor good, they are all just feelings and exist to let me know how I feel about whatever is occurring” .</p>
<p>
Then realise your feelings show the stories you make up in your head, the <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2013/09/what-does-it-all-mean.html">meaning</a> you give to everything that happens, often without checking to see if what you have assumed is actually what is happening. When you decide that what you feel is the truth about whatever is happening, you have just agreed with the story you made up!</p>
<p>
You have turned the feeling into a fact - when in fact it is not the truth about the situation or experience, it is simply the truth, the fact of what you are feeling.</p>
<p>
Accept that what you are feeling is okay … it has purpose and value and is something you can respond to. Then let yourself acknowledge it fully … which means <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-just-feel-it.html">feel it</a> in your body and let it go … breathe and allow and let it release (Jill Bolte-Taylor says it takes 90 seconds for the energy to move through your body and release). You will discover the freedom that comes from being the cause of your feelings and emotions rather than at their effect.</p>
<p>
When you stop turning your feelings into facts, when you stop recycling the old painful movies (and feelings) about your “not good enough" stuff you will free yourself to consciously choose the meaning you put on everything and how you feel.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
<p align="center"><font color="#CCCCCC">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</font><br>
<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Your feelings exist to be felt,
responded to and released
…not recycled."</i></span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-10084516006731995772016-06-07T09:00:00.000+10:002016-06-07T09:00:24.182+10:00How To Let Go<p>
The first step in letting go of anything is to acknowledge that you are holding on … to the stories and the movies in your head, to the stuff of the past that you bring into your present by feeling today just like you felt yesterday about whatever has occurred. Tell the truth about what you are hanging onto and then you can <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2016/01/let-it-go.html">choose to let go</a>.</p>
<p>
Simple … and not easy when unresolved feelings are involved and your wounded internal 3 year old just wants for things to be “made right”.</p>
<p>
And here it is … again. The unhealed emotional wounds from past experiences keep you stuck in reliving those experiences in the here and now over and over again … and nothing much changes.</p>
<p>
And it won’t as long as you keep recycling those memories and experiences and all the meaning you gave with the hope of working out “why” all this stuff happened to you and how you can get a different outcome. <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2007/11/give-it-up.html">You cannot change the past</a> … but you can change what happens next if you are willing to consider shifting yourself from a context of “victim/persecutor/rescuer” (The Old Paradigm of Fear) to a context of “I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality” (The New Paradigm of Love).</p>
<p>
What if nothing really “happens to you” but rather everything “happens for you?”</p>
<p>
Being willing to accept that you are powerful, that you are the cause of everything in your reality whether you are aware of causing it or not, frees you to accept that you have created everything for your growth and benefit not for your detriment. Then you are free to <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-choose-yourself.html">choose again</a>.</p>
<p>
When you accept everything in your reality as yours, you are free to hang on or let go.</p>
<p>
The choice is always…yours.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
<p align="center"><font color="#CCCCCC">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</font><br>
<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"In the process of letting go<br>
you will lose many things from the past<br>
but you will find yourself."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Deepak Chopra</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-54316066489848580112016-05-10T09:00:00.000+10:002016-05-10T09:00:35.323+10:00Accept Your Judgements<p>
It’s not possible to stop judging … you judge, I judge, everybody judges.</p>
<p>
Getting rid of judgement is not a desirable choice … in fact your ability to judge is part of your humanness … and it’s necessary when faced with life-threatening situations.</p>
<p>
Yet most often you use your ability to judge … against yourself. That’s right … not for yourself and your actual survival but rather against yourself in a myriad of <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-invest-in-consciousness.html">conscious and unconscious ways</a> on a daily basis.</p>
<p>
Your propensity to judge yourself as wrong/bad/not good enough/not worthy etc. whenever you do something you don’t like, or judge another for the same reasons, is an insidious habit that doesn’t bring you any real satisfaction. And it doesn’t change anything.</p>
<p>
Judgements are by their very nature polarising. Every time you judge yourself as not good enough, and then <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2006/10/are-you-being-with-it-or-agreeing-with.html">agree that it’s true</a>, you feel defensive and attempt to convince yourself that you are good enough or right or not bad and you become enmeshed in the victim/persecutor/rescuer triangle of fear.</p>
<p>
The most powerful, loving and responsible thing you can do is accept that you are judging and remember … your judgements are not the truth about you (or anyone or anything else). They simply let you know that you are judging and that’s because you are feeling something you probably don’t want to feel. When you accept that you are judging yourself (and/or others) and accept the feelings associated with your judgements then let yourself feel them … the energy will release and the judgement and the feelings will pass.</p>
<p>
Accepting your judgements is simple … tell the truth, acknowledge your feelings, resist the temptation to agree with your feelings and your judgements … <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2015/04/being-kind-trumps-criticism.html">and peace will be restored</a>.</p>
<img align="middle" border="0" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" />
<br />
<div align="center">
<span style="color: #cccccc;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
<span style="color: #ff3399;"><i>"It is difficult to live without judging others. If you have to judge, then judge with love."</i></span></div>
<div align="right">
<span style="color: #ff3399;">Debasish Mridha</span></div>
Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-19016276529041091912016-04-12T09:00:00.000+10:002016-04-12T10:51:39.088+10:00Tell Me What You MeanCommunication literally means to share - thoughts, feelings, facts, information etc. Yet it is not sufficient or effective to share only the surface stuff without being explicit and clear about <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/communicating-meaning-is-key.html">what you actually mean</a>.<br /><br />
Before you communicate anything, you need to look beneath the surface of the stuff you want to say to get clear about what you want the other to understand before you start communicating. There is a huge difference in the efficacy of your communication when you clearly and explicitly communicate context before blahing out all your content.<br /><br />
The meaning of your communication IS the response you get …which means that whatever comes back in response explicitly shows you what the other actually understood … what they actually thought you meant … which may be quite different to what you expected them to understand.<br /><br />
As I have said before, <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-misunderstood-is-a-myth.html">being “misunderstood” is a myth</a> … what’s really going on is a failure on your part to effectively communicate what you mean before you communicate anything else.<br /><br />
Whenever you feel misunderstood, rather than simply reacting and ending up in the fruitless blame game of the A<>B conversation, stop … take a breath and ask yourself:<br /><br />
“What did I want this person to understand from my communication? How is that different to what they actually understood? What didn’t I say, that once said, would have this person understand me the way I intended?"<br /><br />
Then communicate what you mean - openly, honestly, <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-beclear.html">clearly</a>, directly and completely and keep communicating until they get what you mean and you get they got it.<br /><br />
When you tell me what you mean, I have a context within which to truly understand what you mean to say rather than making up what I think you mean.<br /><br />
<img align="middle" border="0" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" />
<br />
<div align="center">
<span style="color: #cccccc;">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
<span style="color: #ff3399;"><i>"Tell me what you mean before you tell me what you want to tell me."</i></span></div>
Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-27834246447691273322016-03-08T09:00:00.000+11:002016-03-08T09:00:11.196+11:00The Truth, The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth<p>
You are probably familiar with this statement. It has been part of our modern legal process and seems to indicate that when agreed to, that’s what will happen.</p>
<p>
Not so.</p>
<p>
In my world (and paradigm of unlimited cause), <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-everybody-lies.html">everybody lies</a> and there is no such thing as absolute truth. Yet we persist in lying to ourselves about what truth is and how it “should” be told. And when my “truth” is not the same as your “truth” we argue, fight and go to war.</p>
<p>
You have your own unique <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-clean-your-filters.html">set of filters</a> through which you view yourself and everyone and everything in your world. Your filters inform the meaning you give to everything and thus inform your “truth” at any given moment. So insisting that your “truth” is the “real truth” is a lie … unless everyone shares your exact same filters …and the truth is, they don’t. Not now, not ever.</p>
<p>
Your truth is whatever you believe is true and so is mine. Your truth is whatever you think, feel and know and so is mine and when they are not the same, it doesn’t mean you are lying or that I am … it just means we have different filters, different ways of seeing the world and different ways of making meaning about what is happening.</p>
<p>
You are probably taught that it is “good” to be honest and that lying is “wrong” yet telling the truth is not as simple as just saying what you know is true. Telling the whole truth requires a willingness to acknowledge the whole of what is so for you. It includes what you think AND what you feel, viscerally and emotionally, about what you perceive is going on. It also requires a willingness to <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2010/08/how-to-listen.html">listen</a> to and accept the feedback you receive, (particularly when it is not the same as what you perceive it is), as part of the whole truth. When you are willing to be responsible for the whole of what you give and what you get, your truth can become the whole truth.</p>
<p>
<a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2012/07/the-power-of-telling-truth.html">Telling the truth is powerful</a> and liberating … when you tell the whole truth - what you give and what you get as feedback - the energy shifts and you will feel it. And when it doesn’t … you have more truth to tell. So keep opening up, speaking up, acknowledging the whole and the shift will occur.</p>
<p>
And that’s the truth!</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
<p align="center"><font color="#CCCCCC">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</font><br>
<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"In times of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">George Orwell</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-14213728620225943292016-02-09T09:00:00.000+11:002016-02-09T09:00:05.610+11:00You Always Have a Choice<p>
Ever feel like you don’t have a choice?</p>
<p>
And there is the rub ... feeling like you don’t have a choice doesn’t mean it’s true that you don’t have a choice. What’s true is you FEEL you don’t have choice ... it’s a feeling not a fact.</p>
<p>
Feeling like you don’t have a choice often means you are not aware of the myriad of choices actually available to you in any given moment. There is always another choice (or two or three or a dozen) you could choose ... so when you feel like you have only one choice ... stop ... take a few deep breaths and ask yourself: “What other choices could I make right now?” and see what shows up. Chances are, the other choices will trigger a feeling that you either like or don’t like. And when you reject other choices it’s usually because you don’t like <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-who-made-you-feel-that.html">how you feel when you consider those choices</a>.</p>
<p>
So the next thing that happens is you choose the ONLY choice you feel ok about ... even if it’s not really what you want or need.</p>
<p>
Often you say you don’t have a choice because you want to avoid conflict, or confrontation or feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable etc. - not because you really don’t have a choice. It’s how you don’t want to feel that’s informing the choice ... not the whole of what’s going on. And the only sustainable way to create what you consciously want is to first tell the truth about the whole of whatever is going on right now ... including how you feel ... then <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2013/07/just-choose.html">choose again ...</a></p>
<p>
Choose to remember that you can <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-choose-yourself.html">choose anything</a> and that you do choose everything ... and when you make a choice, something shows up ... either what you chose or something else. When you accept that whatever shows up shows you the choice you made and what you need to respond to in order to manifest what you want ... the process unfolds with ease and you get what you want.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
<p align="center"><font color="#CCCCCC">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</font><br>
<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>You always have a choice ...<br>
Just because you don’t like the other options<br>
doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice.</i></span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-74336631406106716402016-01-12T09:00:00.000+11:002016-01-12T09:00:16.168+11:00Let It Go<p>
Another year has dawned and with it comes the perfect time to write a new chapter for yourself and your life.</p>
<p>
So who will you BE and what will you choose this year?</p>
<p>
If you find this question exciting and inspiring ... a chance to dream big and choose boldly ... go for it.</p>
<p>
And if you find this question daunting and a bit scary ... if it brings up concerns about what is the “right thing” to choose ... consider this as a strategy ... <a target="_blank" href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-lettinggo.html">let it go</a>!</p>
<p>
Let go of the worry and the fear about getting it “right”, let go of the notion that there is a “right” way to BE or DO or HAVE. Get present in your body ... breathe ... and let yourself imagine who you choose to BE and what you choose to DO to HAVE what you choose to manifest. Then write it down, or draw a picture, or make a collage/vision board and let yourself go.</p>
<p>
When you let go of worry you free yourself to create that which your heart desires. When you source your dreams from love rather than fear you connect with the universal energy of creation and harness the power of the whole universe to support you <a target="_blank" href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-be-do-have.html">Being, Doing and Having</a> in ways that will delight you.</p>
<p>
Fear constricts and diminishes ... love expands and illuminates ... and always the most profound choice you can make is to let go of fear and embrace love.</p>
<p>
My context for 2016 is let it go ... specifically letting go of my fearful, future focussed ego-mind chatter and staying present and connected with who I am choosing to be in each moment irrespective of what I am doing. I am choosing to accept, allow and appreciate whatever occurs - particularly when it is not what I expect! I choose to consciously participate in the whole of my reality as creator rather than victim and to remember that I always have a choice to hang on or let it go.</p>
<p>
Unshakeable inner peace is my goal ... and the best way I know to experience inner peace is to relentlessly <a target="_blank" href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2012/01/let-go-or-go.html">let go</a> and keep letting go internally of anything that is not peaceful.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
<p align="center"><font color="#CCCCCC">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</font><br>
<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"The day I understood everything,<br>was the day I stopped trying to figure everything out.<br>The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">C. JoyBell C.</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-7192505854572818572015-12-08T09:00:00.000+11:002015-12-08T09:00:00.963+11:00Check Your Attitude To Gratitude<p>
If you constantly focus on what you don’t have, you will keep experiencing the relentless futility of “not-enough”. No matter how hard you wish and hope and dream and vision and choose ... an attitude of “not-enough” will simply produce more of the same.</p>
<p>
In the paradigm of cause: <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-i-create-the-whole-of-my-reality.html">I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality</a>, the most critical distinction to get is that you create ALL of what is so ... the happy and sad, the up and the down, the “good” and the “bad” ... all of it, everything, the whole.</p>
<p>
Yet when it comes to gratitude, you tend to focus on what you like, what you enjoy, what you find pleasing, what feels “good” and thus out of hand reject being grateful for the pain and sorrow, the suffering and misery ... all the stuff you don’t like and then you judge it as not ok and thus not worthy of your gratitude or your thanks.</p>
<p>
The more you resist being grateful for the whole, the more you experience lack and wanting and needing and never being truly satisfied.</p>
<p>
When you are willing to accept the whole of your own reality as your creation, when you take the position that everything you create has a purpose and is worth being grateful for, when you <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2008/12/what-are-you-grateful-for.html">give thanks for the all</a>, you will transform your experience of yourself and your world.</p>
<p>
As the year comes to a close I am truly grateful for all that I have caused and experienced this past year. It has been extremely challenging and very rewarding in both expected and unexpected ways. Some of the greatest gifts I have received this year have come wrapped in conflict and fierce, explosive conversations ... and through it all I have experienced the fullness of <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-just-feel-it.html">my feelings</a> and the peace that comes as I accept the whole of my own reality as my creation and give thanks ... not just for what has manifest but also for myself as creator and for having the ability to respond from love.</p>
<p>
Thank you each and everyone of you for being in my life. Thank you for your honesty and love, for your vulnerability and willingness to call me forth out of love. I am truly blessed to know you.</p>
<p>
Wishing you and yours a very jolly holiday time and may 2016 bring you peace and love.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
<p align="center"><font color="#CCCCCC">--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</font><br>
<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Gratitude turns everything into a gift"</i></span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-74801601760182328442015-11-10T09:00:00.000+11:002015-11-10T09:00:01.563+11:00BEING of Service<p>
I have just had the most delightful and surprising experience of <a target="_blank" href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2009/10/being.html">BEING</a> served ... by a mobile locksmith.</p>
<p>
My back door lock refused to budge ... I turned the key and nothing. I started to feel a bit anxious ... what will I do if I can’t get the door open? My fearful mind chatter went into overdrive ... “I won’t be able to sleep tonight if I can’t get this door unlocked ...” (Gotta love the relentless persistence of the fearful ego mind!)</p>
<p>
So I searched my local paper to find a locksmith who handled emergencies.</p>
<p style="border-top:1px dashed #ff3399;padding-top:5px;">
Call #1:<br>Answering machine ... scratchy, garbled message. I hung up.</p>
<p style="border-top:1px dashed #ff3399;padding:5px 0;">
Call #2:<br>A man answered and when I told him I needed someone today, he said “No way!”</p>
<p style="border-top:1px dashed #ff3399;padding-top:5px;">
Call #3:<br>“Good morning :) ... Mobilisation Locksmiths ... how can I help you?”</p>
<p style="border-top:1px dashed #ff3399;padding-top:5px;">
I could hear and feel the smile in his voice and his genuine desire to help me. After explaining my situation, Blake said he could be at my home within 20 minutes, was that suitable for me? Yes indeed!</p>
<p>
Blake arrived within 15 minutes and as I opened the door I was struck by his energy ... he was fully present, smiling, hand held out to shake mine. When I led him into my dining room (where I was running a mentoring day for a group of three), he smiled and introduced himself and shook hands. Wow, I was already impressed with this young man and he hadn’t <a target="_blank" href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-be-do-have.html">DONE</a> anything ... yet.</p>
<p>
He got down to business and within 30 minutes had removed the lock, replaced a part, serviced it, restored the mechanism to full, smooth functionality and he also fixed one of the keys which was bent. I happily paid him and he left, thanking me for calling him.</p>
<p>
What a joy to BE served by <a target="_blank" href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2007/06/who-are-you.html">someone who gets the value of BEING present</a> and open and willing to do what it takes. And he was. The whole experience left me and my group of three smiling and talking about his energy, his presence and his willingness to be of service ... referenced at various times throughout our whole day.</p>
<p>
As a result, I want to tell everyone about him and his service:<br />
So Blake Cole of <a target="_blank" href="http://www.mobilisationlocksmiths.com.au/">www.mobilisationlocksmiths.com.au</a> this is for you.</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Our own self-realisation is the greatest service<br>we can render the world"</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Ramana Maharshi</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-75103071622185349932015-10-13T09:00:00.000+11:002015-10-13T10:50:38.292+11:00The Business Of Feelings<p>
Your feelings and how you react or respond to emotional complexity is one of the most important things to master when building a successful business.</p>
<p>
Yet this is not a subject that I have ever seen adequately addressed in any training, MBA Program or University Degree about how to run a successful business!</p>
<p>
Every problem you have in business (and in life) can be traced back to some emotional blockage. If you want to change something that’s not working; transform a relationship or situation; <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/creating-conflict.html">resolve a conflict</a> ... first you need to tell the truth about what’s actually going on right now.</p>
<p>
You probably know how to tell most of the truth ... and yet when things don’t change, it’s because you have left out the most critical element of the whole truth ... the feelings ... yours and theirs.</p>
<p>
How often are you asked/do you ask this question in a business context ...</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">
How are you feeling?</p>
<p>
In my experience, this single question can save a lot of time when dealing with conflict and the messy, unpredictable human element in business. And let’s face it, business is just people doing stuff!</p>
<p>
And why would you want to <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-the-value-of-feelings.html">get feelings on the table</a>?</p>
<p>
So you can respond to the whole of what’s going on at any point in time. Feelings are not facts ... when you respond to the feelings and <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-just-feel-it.html">let them be felt</a> and released ... you then have space to discuss the “facts” in ways that actually work. And when you respond to the whole truth, everything changes.</p>
<p>
When you unblock the feelings, you liberate yourself and your business to become what you dream.</p>
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Feelings ... nothing more than feelings ..."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Albert Morris</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-9549555121599038742015-09-08T09:00:00.000+10:002015-09-09T11:21:29.408+10:00Who Says You Should Have To?<p>
Shoulding all over yourself and others is a guaranteed strategy to stop you getting the outcome you want in your communication and relationships.</p>
<p>
Every time you find yourself thinking: “I shouldn’t have to tell that person ... how I feel; what I expect; what I need ... because they should know” and then agree with your thoughts and feelings, you stop effective communication in it’s tracks. The result - you end up feeling frustrated, unsatisfied and righteous! And nothing changes.</p>
<p>
Everyone <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com/2013/05/communicating-meaning-is-key.html">makes up their own meaning</a> about whatever is going on. What you perceive as rudeness or a personal attack is often not what is consciously intended from the other side. Yet time and time again you react emotionally to this perceived attack as if the other is deliberately doing something to “make you” feel the way you do.</p>
<p>
Remember this: Other people do not necessarily share your view of the world. Other people cannot read your mind and if you don’t tell them what you mean, they cannot respond effectively.</p>
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And that’s the issue. Your unwillingness to communicate <a href="http://www.openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-beopen.html">openly</a>, <a href="http://www.openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-behonest.html">honestly</a>, <a href="http://www.openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-beclear.html">clearly</a>, <a href="http://www.openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-bedirect.html">directly</a> and <a href="http://www.openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-becomplete.html">completely</a> when you feel emotionally triggered is because of how you feel. Then you get stuck in your head, convincing yourself that you are feeling the way you do because of someone else’s behaviour. You tell yourself that “they should know better” and thus feel you shouldn’t have to say anything or do anything about it because “they should know”.</p>
<p>
Yet, the truth is, they don’t know what you mean if you don’t tell them. No matter how many times you think “but they should know ...” it doesn’t change anything.</p>
<p>
So next time you are caught up “shoulding’” all over the place, stop, take a breath ... allow your feelings to move through you ... and speak up.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"If it should have<br>
it would have"</i></span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-81430995710085763752015-08-11T09:00:00.000+10:002015-08-11T09:00:03.597+10:00Giving Can Be Hard To Take<p>
As a child, I was told that it’s better to give than to receive and at the same time I was also told I must be grateful and thankful when given to ... no matter how I felt about the “gift” or the giver.</p>
<p>
The resultant confusion stemming from this childhood conditioning set-up a belief pattern in me that said giving is ok (and it feels good) but taking (receiving) really is not (and it feels uncomfortable).</p>
<p>
Every time someone acknowledged me, I felt an immediate need to push back, <a target="_blank" href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2012/12/when-giving-isnt.html">give</a> something in return and avoid letting myself fully receive. I was always keen to be the first to offer help; to pick up the tab for coffee or a meal; to give happily whenever I saw an opportunity. What I didn’t realise was that my need to be the “giver” left very little space for anyone to truly give to me. My reluctance to “take” was preventing others the joy of giving to me.<br />
<br />
I realised (once again) this was my fearful ego-mind fuelling the notion that I didn’t deserve it or hadn’t worked hard enough/done enough/given enough to really be worthy of being given to. The old <a target="_blank" href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-youre-not-good-enough.html">not-good-enough stuff</a> ... again!!</p>
<p>
So I chose to learn how to truly give and receive. I decided to simply say thank you when someone offered to pay for the coffee, to say thank you when someone gave me something ... an acknowledgement, some help, advice or a gaily wrapped package! I also chose to respond to the feelings that arise, to acknowledge my “childish” reactions and allow the feelings to release without having to give in to the story and the drama over and over. It’s not easy ... I still have times when I feel uncomfortable receiving. And when I do, I stop and take a deep breath and remind myself ... it’s a feeling, not a fact ... <a target="_blank" href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-lettinggo.html">let it go</a> ... and let myself receive anyway.</p>
<p>
There is no real giving without receiving. Two sides of the same coin and when one side is missing ... there is no integrity ... no wholeness. </p>
<p>
So the next time someone gives you something ... say thank you. In that you will know the joy of receiving which is a gift to the giver.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Don’t be so greedy with your giving ..."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Amma</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5471715692077506801.post-81692242948450542852015-07-14T09:00:00.000+10:002015-07-14T09:44:43.243+10:00Who Are You Kidding?<p>
Last week while waiting at the the pedestrian lights to cross a main road in the CBD, a woman with a pram in one hand and a small boy holding the other approached, looked both ways then proceeded to cross the road, seeming to ignore the bright red “Don’t Walk” sign. Her toddler cried out: "No, mummy, the light is red...” whereupon the mother said, “It’s ok” and kept going, taking the reluctant small boy with her.</p>
<p>
Now I can’t know if they talked about this further or indeed if the mother said anything at all to ally her child’s concern. I understand why she did what she did: She had checked and deemed it safe to cross and she did. This is a common occurrence in our busy cities. Lots of people all in a hurry to get somewhere and deciding in the moment what risks to take to get wherever quicker ... often with a <a href="http://conversationswithlorna.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/investing-in-consciousness.html">lack of awareness</a> of how their behaviour impacts those around them.</p>
<p>
What I noticed was the energy of fear I felt from the child and it took me back to the first time in my childhood when my mother told me “everything is all right” when clearly it wasn’t. I remember feeling very scared about what was happening and when mum said what she did, I decided that what I was feeling must be wrong ... and by association that meant I was wrong ... <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-youre-not-good-enough.html">not good enough</a> ... painful and confusing.</p>
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Many years later, well into my personal journey, I had an 'ah-hah’ moment about this: her intention was loving and her communication was <a href="http://openup.com.au/helpyourself/videos-becomplete.html">incomplete</a>. I realised that my mother said what she did to reassure me that everything would be ok - that she was in charge and not putting us at risk. However she didn’t communicate this explicitly to me ... she took the short-cut and said what she wanted me to hear: “everything IS all right” as if declaring it would make it so for me. What she didn’t know how to do was to acknowledge and respond to what I was feeling as well as telling me it would be ok. She did what she knew how to do out of her past - not safe to get “emotional”, let your intellect lead the way. A belief pattern that I also took on from an early age!</p>
<p>
Becoming emotionally aware, resourced and up-to-date has been a conscious focus throughout my own journey and in the work I do. Opening up about my childhood feelings with my mother and other family members has been healing and liberating. And I am very fortunate to have been able to have this specific conversation with my mother in the later years of her life.</p>
<p>
I hope the mother and child I encountered last week have a chance to do the same.</p>
<img align="center" src="http://www.openup.com.au/explicit/blog-love-lorna.gif" border="0" />
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<span style="color:#ff3399;"><i>"Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate."</i></span></p><p align="right"><span style="color:#ff3399;">Anonymous</span></p>Lorna Pattenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17565462583431193055noreply@blogger.com0