Explicit Concepts

Let Go ... or ... Go!

2012-01-25T09:00:00.000+11:00

2012 is here and so are we!

I believe this year is about letting go of fear as the predominant operating context and embracing LOVE ... by and for every human being on our glorious planet. We have seen enough evidence on the world stage of late that those who choose to hang onto the way it was are being "forced" to go while those who choose to let go, are going forward and creating a new reality.

Letting go is a relentless moment by moment activity. When you are willing to let go of your expectations that the content of your life (things, other people, yourself) should be different, you will experience the freedom you seek ... freedom to BE who you are and to let others BE who and how they are. When you free yourself from expectation and judgement and accept, allow, embrace and respond to what's so moment by moment then nothing is a problem and everything that occurs affords you an opportunity to respond from love.

When you are attached to things/people/yourself being a certain way, it's a surefire prescription for disappointment. The constant need to manage, protect and defend your own position in relation to yourself, others and whatever is happening is exhausting ... not to mention futile in achieving lasting transformation.

The paradox is this: When you are willing to let go of your attachment to any and all of the content and focus on BEING who you are and responding moment by moment from a context of LOVE, you will have everything you ever dreamed of! What it really takes is choosing to let go of fear and then keep choosing to let go, and let go and let go ...

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"When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be."

Lao Tzu

If You Don't Ask … You Don't Get!

2011-12-07T09:00:00.001+11:00

A simple phrase that packs a powerful punch when applied to any relationship communication dynamic. Think about it … if you don't ask for what you want - openly, honestly, clearly, directly and completely … you have no chance of getting what you actually want in response.

Imagine going to a restaurant and sitting down at a table and expecting the waiter to know what you want without having to say so. Insane behaviour! Yet time and time again you expect someone else (usually one "special" person) to read your mind without you having to say what you really mean … and when "they" don't get what you mean, you get angry, upset, frustrated and then blame them! Fuelled by fear and sourced in your thinking mind, this insane behaviour goes on all the time and you may not even be aware of it.

First step is to accept that it's really ok to ask for what you want. Then you need to accept that you may not always get what you want from the first person you ask. And if you are willing to let go and ask again, ask someone else, ask for help … and keep communicating, eventually you will get what you want.

Again … simple and not so easy to do until you accept that you can choose to speak up and ask and share whatever you choose. The key lies in truly being responsible for the response you get and keep communicating until you are complete - ie you get want you want!

During this festive holiday season, remember to ask for what truly matters and enjoy receiving whatever you freely give.

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"Ask and you shall receive"

Who or What Are You In Relationship With?

2011-10-25T10:00:00.001+11:00

When you experience difficulties or issues in a relationship (personal or professional) ask yourself this question:

Who (or what) am I having a relationship with ... the behaviour or the person?

Most unresolved issues in relationship are caused from the former not the latter. and almost always come from you reacting to someone's behaviour/s you don't like. And when you are having a relationship with someone's behaviour, you focus on what they are doing and having and how the relationship would be so much better if only they would change.

How's that working for you?

Not very well I suspect!

When you focus only on behaviour and the need to change someone else you are on the slippery slope to nowhere you want to be. Look at it from the other point of view: How do you feel when someone reacts to what you do and expects you to change so they feel better? My guess is you do what most people do and you push back - either overtly by resisting and challenging or passive/aggressively by shutting down and withholding. Either way you don't like it.

And there's the rub...

No one does.

Peace and joy in relationship come from source - you. Focus on being who you are - loving, open, honest and response-able - in relationship to the other human being (rather than the human doing). Remember who they really are is the same as you - Love - (even though they don't necessarily behave the way you like) and keep communicating openly, honestly, clearly, directly and completely until the energy shifts and love remains.

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"The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you'd like to see "show up", not what part of another you can capture and hold."

Conversations with God Book 1

Feeling Stuck

2011-09-27T09:00:00.002+10:00

If you are feeling stuck - irrespective of your situation, circumstances or environment - the key to getting unstuck is inside you.

Feeling stuck is just that - a feeling, not the truth about anything other than the feeling of being stuck.

The truth is, you are never really stuck ... you just feel like you are.
And herein lies the quintessential secret to inner peace and happiness ... you are the one who chooses what you are feeling, what you are thinking and what you are doing as a result of all that thinking and feeling. When you are feeling stuck and you agree with the feeling, you then experience your reality as being stuck. And on it goes ... thinking what you are feeling is the truth, gathering evidence to support your truth and then feeling more stuck than ever!

How to get unstuck? Simple - and as with most of life's twists and turns ... not so easy at first.

As with most things the first step is to stop ... take a breath and BE where you are ... remember who you are: magnificent, powerful, lovable, valuable being ... feel what you are feeling and observe yourself in your process ... keep breathing and allowing yourself the BE where you are, observe your thoughts ... observe your feelings and let the energy move through you ... keep breathing until you feel a shift in your energy ...

Then ask yourself: "What's really going on?" "What do I need to know?" and simply sit and wait for whatever comes to you. Whatever it is, it will show you the way back to love and peace and joy.

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"I am only ever stuck when I decide I am and choose to be and I can get unstuck simply by choosing to BE"

Before You Communicate Anything

2011-08-25T09:00:00.000+10:00

Stop … take a deep breath and slowly exhale …
Get present … in your body …
Breathe … and let go … thoughts … feelings … let go
Simply BE here … now

Once you are present and aware … answer the following BEFORE you communicate anything:

What is the purpose of your communication? Do you just want to be right? Or do you genuinely desire to resolve an issue? Do you just want to vent? Or do you want to be heard? Do you want the other person to change something or stop doing something? Or do you want to change what you are feeling and experiencing? What response do you want?

Once you know your purpose, communicate that first as a context for your whole communication- i.e. say what you mean - context - before you express all the content. This will create a space where the other person can hear what you mean as well as what you say. When you frame-up the meaning of your communication you will be heard and understood and you will create the response you want. When you rush in with a lot of content download (usually out of some intense feeling/emotional state) before clarifying context and meaning, you run the risk of being mis-understood and ending up having a circular A-B conversation where neither is listening and attack/defend is the game!

As with all things in the paradigm of I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality, BEing present in Love is always the starting point. Once there, express what you actually want to say, what you mean and what you want to have happen and then respond with love to what comes back. And remember: The meaning of your communication IS the response you get so keep communicating until you get the response you want.

When you stay present and aware and sourced in Love, all communication is easier and resolution is assured.

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"I’m going to let you know what things mean before I tell you what I am going to tell you"

Dr Stephanie Burns

Are You Confronted By Confrontation?

2011-07-26T09:00:00.002+10:00

Recently I’ve been noticing how reluctant many people are to face reality head on and confront difficult relationship issues and situations. So I began researching the most common definitions for the word “confront” and I found four main definitions again and again, these from The Collins Dictionary:

to present or face (with something), esp. in order to accuse or criticise
to face boldly; oppose in hostility
to be face to face with; be in front of
to bring together for comparison
(C16: from Medieval Latin confrontari to stand face to face with, from frons forehead)

Interesting that these four were most common, yet the fear-filled meanings of “...accuse or criticise” and “oppose in hostility” seem to be the only filters that people look through when faced with a confronting situation.

And therein lies the issue...given you decide what everything means through your particular way of filtering the world, you get to decide what anything means at any point in time. When you find yourself avoiding confrontation out of fear you can bet that the meaning you are giving to whatever is happening is also coming from fear and the choice to confront becomes anything but desirable.

So next time you are faced with something or someone you find confronting...stop for a moment...take a breath and check your filters by asking: “What am I making this mean?” and if you don’t like it...change the meaning!

When you choose to view confrontation as simply a choice to meet someone or something “face to face” or “to bring together for comparison” you will find that your energy will shift and your communication will be more effective in achieving a peaceful resolution.

Confrontation is not comfortable and it can be effective when engaged in from love.

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When you confront your greatest fear...
you meet your greatest freedom

Where Are You Leading? A Letter To ALL Leaders

2011-06-28T09:00:00.004+10:00

You just don’t get it yet ... do you?

If you had any self-awareness or any real desire to be truly responsible you would realise that all your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviours have an enormous impact and influence on what goes on around you.

No matter how you spin it or frame it - the way YOU show up is perfectly reflected in what is actually happening in your business, your political party, your family, your community and your world. So how’s it working?

When you are leading from a context of FEAR, when that is where YOU are coming from, all you do is continue to lead people further into fear. And that just breeds more fearful behaviours and consequences that you then react to with fearful controlling policies and rules which in turn breeds more fear and the game continues.

But you just don’t get it ...

Because if you did, you would STOP behaving so badly and step-up and actually lead from your loving heart and your compassionate mind, instead of your fear-filled ego-centric idea of who you think you should be to protect your position.

You would remember that you came here to BE the most magnificent you that you can be whatever you do and wherever you go.

Well I will not accept that the best you can BE and DO is what’s showing up today.

I watch question time in our Australian Federal Parliament and am amazed at, and ashamed of, your behaviour. Your communication is appallingly self-serving ... having very little regard for actually responding to the questions/issues that are put to you by your colleagues and your opponents - all fellow human beings.

The relentless in-fighting, name-calling and disrespect that you engage in is insidiously reflected in our society in a myriad of ways from the toxic culture of bullying we experience in our families, schools, communities, business environments and sporting arenas to the corporate greed and “I win, you lose” money-grabbing tactics displayed by people in powerful positions all over the world.

Well (to use an old political slogan) ... It’s Time!

Time to remember we are all connected, we are one planet, one universe - all the same at our very heart. Time to step-up and show up and lead from LOVE.

I urge you to pay attention to what’s really going on, to open up, tell the truth, be responsible and choose to BE the change you wish to see in the world.

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"My life is an indivisible whole, and all my activities run into one another ... My life is my message."

Mahatma Gandhi

Let The Healing Continue

2011-05-26T09:00:00.002+10:00

I am feeling very angry. I am choosing to feel angry because I keep falling into the pit of blame and judgement in relationship to how you are...my perception of how you are and the meaning I keep making of what you do around me...particularly in moments of disgareement and conflict. I know it looks and feels like I am angry with you, which in turn causes you to react defensively, which fuels my frustration, and my judgements.

I keep hoping things have actually changed...that when I see you this time it will be different..and yet even before you arrive, I feel anxious and fearful...an insidious reaction from our past... and I start frantically working out ways to defend myself from an attack I am certain will come. I am aware I am still deeply attached to the idea that if only YOU would change, if only YOU would behave differently (even though I fear you won’t) then I would feel ok in relationship to you. I know this doesn’t work and I tell myself “I should get off it” and “I should be able to handle this” so I say “yes” to seeing you and things are OK for while. Then inevitably I find myself reacting to something you say or do, telling myself it means you don’t care what I think or feel. I start judging you for how you are behaving, then judge myself for judging you and reacting yet again. I end up feeling anxious, frustrated, angry and despairing...and the game continues.

I realise this is what I have always done in our relationship. For so long I have really ”tried” to make things “better” (aka: make YOU better). I’ve “tried” to get you to do something different, “tried” to avoid an upset, “tried” to manage the energy by tip-toeing around you to avoid an argument...”tried” to talk to you openly and honestly, “tried” to get you to listen to what I am saying the way I mean it, “tried’ to make you understand how I feel. I’ve “tried” to let go, to move on, to not care what you do or how you show up and yet, I keep expecting you to be “reasonable” and to change and as you know, expectations are just a prescription for disappointment...and it simply doesn’t work.

Well, I am tired of all the “trying”. I am tired of the game...I am tired of worrying about how you are going to show up and how I am going to handle it, tired of being anxious whenever I think about you coming to visit, tired of fearing your reactions and your feelings and your behaviour, tired of being hard on myself and hard on you, tired of judging and managing and manipulating and handling things...just plain tired.

So once again, I choose peace in relationship to you. I choose to do something different about how I show up in relationship to you. I choose to remember to put my loving self first in this relationship, to love myself and to love and bless you and if I choose... to keep on walking. I realise that my unwillingness to STOP playing the game is what keeps it going.

My truth right now is: I don’t know how to BE at peace in relationship to you...yet. So I choose to keep responding with awareness and rigour for myself. I choose to dig deeper and uncover what else is really going on for me in relationship to you, to become conscious of what it is that keeps me recreating this relationship dynamic and keep responding and letting go.

I used to think this meant I had to have more regular contact with you in order to heal this wound between us. Now I remember that I can choose to say NO to having contact with you for as long as I choose. I choose to create a guilt-free space to engage in my own process, the best I can right now. I choose to let go of worrying about how you may (or may not) react to my choice. I choose to let go of my need for you to agree, approve or like the choices I make.

The bottom line for me is this: I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality. I am response-able for creating you showing up the way you do in my life. I also know I cannot change YOU and hanging onto this expectation is a one-way ticket to the pit of despair! So letting go of my expectations is key...as is my willingness to keep loving you and me and responding from love no matter what form our relationship takes in the future.

Let the healing continue...

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"Forgiveness means giving up all hope that the past will ever be different..."

thus spake Oprah! Based on an original quote by Lily Tomlin and others

Investing In Consciousness

2011-04-19T09:00:00.001+10:00

Whatever your current investment strategy (or lack thereof), the single most effective investment you can make right now is your investment in your own consciousness.

No matter what your choice of occupation, relationship status, financial situation or feelings - investing in consciousness will return abundant riches ... not necessarily in the ways you think but rather in the most powerful and fulfilling ways for your own evolution.

There is no time like the present moment to dive deep into the waters of your own awareness and consciousness ... to become aware of what is happening right before you and in you, deep underneath the noise of day-to-day existence. With so much chaos and disruption playing out on the world stage, now is the time to stop ... step back ... take a breath and ask yourself: “What’s really going on?” then be still and be aware and you will become conscious of more than you know right now. And the more you take the time to stop ... and breathe ... the more aware you will become and on it goes.

This is really quite simple ... nothing too complex or complicated about stopping ... and sitting ... and breathing ... and allowing ... and becoming aware ... yet the ego centric voice within will resist and you may find yourself too busy to stop; too engaged in what’s happening to step outside your mind and reflect on the whole; too tired or too energised or any one of a number of good and solid reasons why you just “can’t”!

Simple isn’t necessarily comfortable or easy. Simple challenges our competitive need to achieve through complexity and effort and winning. Becoming conscious of who you are and what’s really going on is challenging and confronting and relentlessly wonderful. It requires boldness and a willingness to open yourself up, to be uncomfortable, to not know and go there anyway, to immerse yourself in the wonder and mystery of BEING all of everything and in so doing, realising everything is all of you.

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"In its highest expression, the evolutionary impulse is experienced as the awakening of a desire to evolve at the level of consciousness itself. It is the deeply felt urge to rise up, to reach toward perfection. And it is also a nagging and relentless existential discomfort, a sense that I must find a way to become more conscious."

Andrew Cohen

Everything IS Connected

2011-03-25T09:00:00.002+11:00

WOW! 2011 certainly has brought some unexpected and unprecedented happenings to all the “... passengers on spaceship Earth ...” (thank you Buckminster Fuller).

I have been pondering the deeper meaning of recent events and decided to share with you some of what I have found:

From www.highway7.com - what this 2011 Year of the Rabbit is about:

“According to Chinese tradition, the Rabbit brings a year in which you can catch your breath and calm your nerves in a world that's full of destructive forces.

2011 Metal Rabbit is a time for the people - the people have collective wisdom and resolve and great strength in numbers. Go quietly amid the noise and haste, but be ready. It is a time for planning, negotiation, regrouping and strategy.

As an individual, or as a group, don't try to force issues in 2011... To gain the greatest benefits from this time, focus calmly on a plan B and be prepared for great structural changes in the economy and policy making at all levels.

In 2011, be aware and plan carefully for momentous events, but maintain your focus on home, family, security, diplomacy, and your relationships with women and children, for they are the way.

Make it your goal to create a safe, peaceful lifestyle for yourself, those you love and for your extended community in harmony with the environment, so you will be able to calmly deal with any problems that may arise.”

My take on this? Step back, take a breath and let go. Remember who you are and what really matters and choose to live in love - be loving, do loving action and when in doubt...ask “What would love do now?”

And for another perspective on what’s really going on with mother nature and on our glorious planet Earth, read what Carolyn Myss had to say last week in her piece “Understanding Our Relationship To The Earth”.

Thank you Carolyn ... you nailed it for me.

I am putting my loving soul to work ... how about you?

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"Now it is one thing to BE love - and quite another to do something loving. The soul longs to do something about what it is, in order that it might know itself in its own experience. So it will seek to realise its highest idea through action."

Neal Donald Walsch, Conversations With God Book 1

Response-Ability & Freedom

2011-02-22T09:00:00.001+11:00

The dominant fear paradigm of victim/persecutor/rescuer is being challenged by people all over the Middle East as they take to the streets to protest against regimes that oppress, suppress and dictate to their citizens. The “revolution” in Egypt was brought about by the human beings who quite simply had had enough ... enough of being hungry, enough of being marginalised, enough of being told what to do ... enough of being victims, at the effect of a small group of people who seemed to hold all the power. While this shift is by no means complete or resolved, the people of Egypt got together and supported one another to be responsible for changing that which they would no longer tolerate. There was no overt outside intervention, no mighty western power rushing in to “rescue” (and then impose their own brand of control) ... instead what we saw was ordinary people, getting together and taking responsibility by supporting each other to step up, take action and be heard.

What happens next is what makes the difference. If the people of Egypt stay committed to being responsible; if they continue to respond from love and compassion to what they are creating and respond to the feedback as it occurs, then they will create a new paradigm of freedom for themselves and serve as a model for the rest of world. If however they allow their fear to overpower their willingness to respond, then we will see more and more conflict, turmoil and polarising forces fighting to determine who is right.

And so it is for you and me and every other human being on this planet. If we are willing to BE response-able in every moment - to respond from love to what we are creating inside ourselves and outside ourselves; to step up and take loving action and respond to the fearful relationships, issues, situations and circumstances we find intolerable - then we will experience the profound peace and joy that comes when Love is the paradigm of choice.

You are love, I am love and in every human being beats a loving heart. The more you reveal yours, the easier it is for me to reveal mine. And when we do, we remember we are all connected, fear ceases to rule and we are truly free to BE love.

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"Responsibility starts with the willingness to experience yourSelf as cause.

It starts with the willingness to have the experience of yourSelf as cause in the matter.

Responsibility is not burden, fault, praise, blame, credit, shame or guilt. All these include judgements and evaluations of good and bad, right and wrong, or better and worse. They are not responsibility. They are derived from a ground of being in which Self is considered to be a thing or an object rather than context.

Responsibility starts with the willingness to deal with the situation from and with the point of view, whether at the moment realised or not, that you are the source of what you are, what you do, and what you have. This point of view extends to include even what is done to you and ultimately what another does to another. Ultimately, responsibility is a context - a context of Self as source - for the content, i.e., for what is."

Werner Erhard 1978

We Are Family

2011-01-27T09:00:00.000+11:00

2011 has started with a saturated southern hemisphere (particularly here in Oz), a freezing northern hemisphere and almost every other weather “event” you can think of is happening somewhere on our planet. Whatever you think about the whole subject of climate change, you cannot deny that the climate IS changing ... rapidly, constantly and seemingly with more force and brutality than ever before. Words like “catastrophic”, “unprecedented”, “devastating” and “heartbreaking” inundate (couldn’t resist!) the language of those who keep us informed about what is happening as it is occurring. And it keeps on coming ...

Once again, people everywhere have risen up to help, assist, support, comfort and aid those that have been directly affected. Thousands and thousands of people have turned up in flood devastated areas to physically help, while a vast number of fundraising initiatives for the flood affected continue to be created and supported. People everywhere are behaving like “family”, even though many have been heard to say things like “I don’t know these people I am helping, I just want to help and do what I can” and then pitching in and doing whatever it takes to make things ok again.

That’s what family connection is all about ... particularly when there is a big crisis or disaster. Coming together, putting aside petty differences to help and support and do whatever it takes with and for each other because we are connected ... because we are family and because we can. Love, kindness, compassion and caring for each other rule the day and everywhere you can feel the amazing energy of loving connection.

Then once the initial crisis point has passed, the petty squabbling and ego-centric behaviours resurface and things get “back to normal” which usually means back to the fear-fuelled thinking and behaving ... until the next crisis or disaster. Interestingly, the bigger the disaster, the more people come together and the longer it lasts. But why wait?

The real opportunity every day for you and every human being on this planet is to remember we are always one family. We are always connected, all members of the same human race, all living on this glorious sphere called spaceship earth in the vastness of the known and unknown universe. And every single one of us is able to BE loving and kind and compassionate in each and every moment. Why wait for a crisis to reach out and help someone? If you are willing, you can make a difference to yourself and everyone you encounter, every day, simply by remembering we are all one family, we are all essentially love and then acting on that truth.

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"To put the world in order...we must first put the family in order...to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right."

Confucius

Joy To The World

2010-12-16T09:00:00.001+11:00

Here we go again...

Another year has almost passed and many people are getting ready to wind down for a well-earned Christmas holiday break. Please note: I did not say rest ... because for most, restful is not what this next few weeks is really all about. It’s a time of busyness and getting everything “done by Christmas” ... a crazy notion that rears its ugly head every year about this time. And as the deadline looms, people become more anxious and joy, peace and love fly out the window.

Recognise anyone you know?

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can put joy, peace and love right back into the mix if you are willing to stop ... take a breath ... and relax ... and choose ...

Remember, this time of year (like every other time) is whatever YOU decide it is for you. It’s a perfect time to decide how you would like to be in relationship to anyone and everyone no matter what else is going on. It’s an ideal time to heal old hurts and resolve old conflicts - particularly with family - and it’s a time when you can choose a different response to the one you had last year (or last century!)

Of course you always have this choice and there is something about this time of year that makes it easier. People are more aware of the importance of being kind and acting with love and compassion - peace and goodwill towards all men - and this has a snowball effect ... the more you give love and joy the more love and joy you get to experience and the more you give, the more you receive.

Choose to give joy, peace and love to yourself, to the ones you love and to the ones you don’t this Christmas and experience the miracle of giving joy to the world.

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"Every time you smile at someone it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."

Mother Theresa

Being Safe Is Not a Feeling

2010-11-24T09:00:00.001+11:00

When I was being trained and mentored in the early 1980’s I was determined to adopt the new paradigm fully in all of my living. I saw the power and possibility inherent in “I Create The Whole of My Own Reality.”. I loved the idea but very little real experience of being response-able for the whole of myself, let alone the whole of my own reality. I was anxious much of the time about opening up and sharing how I really felt, particularly when I didn’t like something or someone. At the beginning of my journey to consciousness and love, although I was eager and willing to be response-able, time and time again I would react, withhold and either run away or push away ... hard! The infantile not-good-enough stuff was a strong protective mechanism and I didn’t ever really feel safe.

Over the past 28 years I have worked with this paradigm, shared it and lived it as best I can every day. Some days are sweeter than others and yet I know everything is purposeful and beautiful - no matter how I feel about or even what I do. I have settled into this new paradigm of love, choice, truth and responsibility more and more as each day passes and I can honestly say that life is glorious and I am happy, content and relaxed for the most part.

Then whammo! Last week I created a powerful confrontation that lead to a breakthrough that took my breath away. It began in February when I withheld from one of my trainees how I was really feeling about something because I did not feel safe to go there. Over the course of this whole year, everytime we interacted, the feeling would resurface and I would withhold, push away and react in subtle (and sometimes) not so subtle ways. I kept telling myself ... ”detach, it doesn’t matter” ... and I would feel ok ... for a little while. I thought I was being clear and explicit in my communication and yet the feedback I received told me this was not so. I thought I was being response-able by responding to the content yet without shifting my context (from fear to love), nothing much changed. The result of all of my fear-ful behaviours surfaced in an intense and powerfully liberating interaction with my trainee, in the training room, on the final day of training.

The courage and commitment to love and truth from everyone in the room was palpable and full. We were completely embraced and held in love and encouraged to open up and tell the whole truth. So we both began to to express what was really going on, to open up and go to the heart of the matter ... and we stayed in the room. It was simply amazing. At one point I felt I couldn’t handle it and I said “I want you to leave!” I am so glad the courageous response was a firm and clear “No!” This enabled me to sit in my extreme fear and keep going to the heart of my truth and feelings . I have never felt so vulnerable and yet the more I let go and shared the more I realised I actually was safe and I felt safe. Not emotionally but rather the visceral, full knowing and awareness that I am safe. WOW! This is what I have been teaching and choosing and sometimes fleetingly feeling over the years - Fear really is an illusion - I am safe.

I felt peace and love in deeper measure than ever before. A profound awareness of connection, at-one-ment and joy poured from everyone in the room and I knew this was an experience over which I will never get and for that I am truly grateful.

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"Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other."

Euripides

People Behaving "Badly"

2010-10-25T09:00:00.002+11:00

What’s going on in the world today? Why are so many people showing up behaving in ways that are completely antithetical to who we really are?

On a global scale we are witnessing ongoing conflicts and wars in many regions, people killing each other and being killed. On a local level we are witnessing increasing violence and deaths - on the roads, from drugs and alcohol abuse and the systemic physical, emotional and mental abuse occurring in many communities and families. Then we have the insidious “little” things that people keep doing ... lying, cheating, stealing, running away and denying responsibility for their actions and the consequences. We see it with our political leaders (Question Time In Parliament anyone?), with our business leaders and in our own selves.

Is it just the “human condition” (as someone recently assured me it really is!) or is there something going on that invites and encourages man’s inhumanity to man?

Well I think that ‘bad” behaviour comes from unconsciousness, disconnection and lack of awareness of who we really are and the fact that as human beings we are all connected. We are all brothers and sisters under the skin and the fact that we are being human is what makes us all the same. The notion of “us and them” is a devisive belief system guaranteed to foster fear of differences and the need to be right. It’s this very notion that keeps us stuck in conflict and polarity, fighting for what we believe is “right” and “good” against those we judge as “wrong’, “bad” etc. The problem with this belief system is that no one ever really “wins”. It’s a relentless paradigm of power and control offering no sustainable peaceful outcome. As long as we continue to see ouseleves as separate from each other we will continue to behave in fearful ways resulting in painful and inhumane behaviours.

The simple solution in this new paradigm of ultimate cause is to wake yourself up! and remember who you are ... magnificent, lovable, valuable, powerful, creative being able to choose. Simple and not so easy. It requires discipline and practise...and constant conscious reminding that you have a choice about how you show up, how you think and feel and behave in every moment no matter what went before. When you accept that you are love and so is everyone else, that you are connected to everyone and everything all of the time ... when you decide to live your life every day with this awareness you will experience the joy and wonder of being at peace while doing what you know from love.

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"A very effective way to become conscious of Being is simply to take the focus of your attention away from thinking and direct it into the body, where Being can be felt as the invisible energy field that gives life to what you perceive as the physical body."

Eckhart Tolle

The Biggest Lie

2010-09-28T09:00:00.000+10:00

Here’s a universal truth ... everyone lies. You lie, I lie, we all lie. The reasons, justifications and excuses for lying appear to be many and varied, with some considered “good” and valid while others are considered completely unacceptable ... until you look a little deeper and realise that the human propensity for lying comes from the same fundamental source ... yep ... you guessed it, the not good enough stuff ... again!

You say you lie to spare someone’s feelings, to not cause an upset or a row, to avoid conflict or confrontation, to keep the peace, to be perceived as nice, polite and appropriate ... and on and on and on. When you examine what’s going on under the surface you will see that one of the key reasons you avoid telling the truth is you don’t want to feel guilty, wrong, to blame, upset etc. You don’t want others to feel “bad” because if they feel “bad” as a result of you telling your truth you think you are to blame, and then you feel “bad”. All this because you don’t want to/know how to deal with a messy, emotionally charged reaction. This usually occurs because you are scared to confront your own feelings - to feel them and respond to them and let them go. So the lying continues and everyone knows.

This brings me to the biggest lie of all ... the lie about who you really are and what’s really possible for every human being. When you keep agreeing with the old story about how you are not really good enough yet (but you will be one day), you keep yourself stuck in the lying and withholding game. And the biggest lie of all is your idea that you are somehow flawed and not quite good enough yet ... but with enough work and effort, you could get better! Not true!

The truth about you (and every human being) is that you are already perfect. Perfectly you, perfectly capable of choosing what to think, how to feel and what to do every moment of every moment. Aware that in every moment, you have a choice. And one choice you could make is the choice to accept that you are OK the way you are. There’s nothing “wrong” with you that needs fixing and there are certainly different choices you could make about how you think and the meaning you give everything; about how you feel and how you respond to yourself and others. You have a choice about how you show up in the world every moment of every moment. And that’s the truth.

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"The truth you speak has no past and no future.
It is and that’s all it needs to be."

Richard Bach, Illusions

How To Listen

2010-08-24T09:00:00.001+10:00

In my work with people, I have noticed the same theme keeps showing up irrespective of the particular content or person or group.

Lately this theme has been: “He/she/they are not listening to me!” When I explore further I usually find someone who is not happy with the response/feedback being elicited about a particular issue, usually with a high emotional trigger and sticky attachment to a particular outcome. Unfortunately, this dynamic never works to produce a result that anyone wants!

So what’s really going on when it comes to being listened to? What has it got to do with listening? And why is it that some people seem to listen and some people don’t? Well the key is in two simple questions: What are you actually listening to? And how do you expect the other/s to respond?

Believe it or not, it all starts and ends with you. If you are attached to a particular outcome then chances are you are “listening” to the agenda running in your head, your feelings about it all and what you will say in response to their (inevitable) reaction. When this is what you are doing internally, then there is not much being there with the other person or people, not much (if any) paying attention to the whole of what’s going, not much real awareness or connection with the whole. When you are focussed on getting a particular outcome (and ONLY that outcome) then you miss critical pieces of information in the communication. And when that happens, you cannot respond fully to what’s going on because you are only seeing/hearing/feeling part of the whole.

If you want people to listen to you, first you need to be responsible for what you are listening to - internally and externally. Let the other know the response you want from them and then listen to what comes back. If you elicit a response (usually a reaction) you do not like, ask what the person has “heard” (i.e. what meaning they have put on your communication) and then state explicitly what you mean.

Say what you mean, ask what the other means and keep responding until the communication is complete. When you begin to change your own dynamic around listening you will discover that more and more people seem to be listening!

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"Who you are is shouting so loud that I can’t hear what you are saying."

Stephen Covey

No Regrets

2010-07-27T09:00:00.003+10:00

I have just celebrated my birthday and (as I usually do in the weeks prior) I spent some time reflecting on the past year and acknowledging what I had created and experienced. I started thinking about things I had let go of and relationships that have changed and I felt a stab of regret. Wondering if I could have made some different choices and had some different outcomes, wondering a lot of “if only ...” and “what if...” and I felt sad. And rather than push it aside, “cheer myself up” or distract myself, I decided to sit in my regret and see what emerged.

I felt flat and unmotivated to do very much and it took about a week before my energy shifted. When it did, I realised that my regret came from not owning my choice in the first place. Not being responsible for choosing what I had chosen meant I felt like I “should” have done something different. When I reflected upon my choices at the time, they were the best choices I felt I could make. In the moment of choosing, I made my choice from the whole of what was going on for me at the time. My choices are always the best I can do in the moment and no amount of regret will change what has already occurred.

What will change what happens next is how I respond, what my next choice is and If my next choice is informed out of fear from the past, I’ll probably end up regretting it later too! However, if my next choice is informed out of my loving vision of possibility, out of my decision to BE who I choose to BE, while I do whatever I choose to do ... then regret has no space to show up.

I felt a huge shift in my energy and peace reigned once more. The icing on the cake (couldn’t resist!) was my birthday ... cards, flowers, emails, text messages, phone calls, gifts and lots of hugs, acknowledgment and great food with dear friends. And I felt grateful for being me, the way I am today ... no regrets.

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"To regret the past is to forfeit the future."

Chinese Proverb

What Did You Expect?

2010-06-30T09:00:00.001+10:00

Last Thursday was an historic day here in Australia - at 9:20am on 24/06/2010 we were told (first via Twitter and Facebook) that we have a new Prime Minster, Julia Gillard. That she is our first female PM is what makes this a monumental day in Australian federal politics. That she is replacing a PM during his very first term in office is also historic - last time this happened was during the Great Depression (hmmm...)

Also interesting the number of reactions I have encountered this morning in person and via email and text. Lots of people are outraged and upset that they didn’t get to vote for Julia direct. Clearly that’s what some of you expect ... that you have a right to say WHO leads. But that's not what elections are for - a least not in this country which is part of the Commonwealth. The notion that we, the people, get to elect a specific person as PM is erroneous in our political paradigm which is based in the Westminster system of party politics not personality politics. The confusing thing for a lot of Australians right now is that the ALP ran a US-style "presidential campaign" - Kevin '07 - and lots of voters forgot they were voting for the whole party not just the man himself. Now that the ALP has realised the man they chose is no longer the golden-haired favourite (shown by the polls) the power brokers in the back room did what they always do (on both sides ...) and forced the issue. They forced the issue now because they want the ALP to win a second term and the numbers clearly showed that with Kevin at the helm this would not happen. This is the political game that has been played for centuries so why are people so upset? Because we expected something different and instead got the same old, same old ...

That the world is run by those that have the most influence and clout is still how it works. That we think/feel it “should” be different is immaterial. That it will change is inevitable and we have a huge opportunity to influence how it changes - by continuing to have the conversations that make a difference, by using the technology to connect with people everywhere and by choosing to step-up and speak up and engage from love not fear.

What I love is that we now have women in 5 of the top political jobs in our country - our new PM, The Governor General, The Governor of NSW and The Premiers of NSW and QLD. WOW! This is what my mother told me was possible when I was a teenager ... and here we are with a woman as the leader of our nation. I believe these girls have the opportunity to rock the house if they would only lead from their feminine and bring that energy to bear on our world stage.

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Expectation - a prescription for disappointment.

Asking For Help

2010-05-20T09:00:00.001+10:00

When was the last time you asked someone for help? I know you probably give a lot but when did you last ask and allow someone to help you?

Some years ago, I became aware of my own reluctance to ask for help. I told myself it didn't matter and really it didn't ... until it did. I began to notice the mind chatter that said: "I should be able to handle this myself" and "Asking for help shows I'm not ok". I became aware of an old, very firmly-held belief insisting that asking for help was a symbol of weakness - not good enough - and an inability to cope with life. With that firmly in place I stumbled about, ignoring lots of help along the way and doing it by myself! Not much difference.

Whenever I did ask for help (but not too much mind you!)I noticed I always asked indirectly. Then rather than simply open myself to receive what was offered, I went into hyper-control mode around how, what, when, where and with whom I would allow myself to be helped! You know what I mean ... the whole "yes, but..." conversation! It was not very satisfying ... for anyone.

I then realised asking indirectly for help came from a belief that if I was really explicit and clear about what I actually wanted/needed, I would be perceived as asking for too much. The thought of actually paying someone to help me was (in my mind) absolute proof that I was not ok. The net result of this behaviour: I did not get what I really wanted and the person (or people) helping me were also left feeling unappreciated. Then the "Ah hah!" moment: The "not good enough" stuff was still running the show and we all know how that works out ... more "not good enough" and the game continued.

When I finally asked for help to change this pattern I saw and felt the old paradigm of fear ... the fear that I was still somehow "not good enough" to have what I want. After about 12 months of regular counselling/coaching, I had more and more experience that it’s not true! I was encouraged and supported to remember who I am, to choose to ask for and receive help the same way I give it - openly, honestly, directly, clearly and completely. When I started asking directly for what I wanted, the old feelings still came up, but rather than agree with them, I chose to breathe and let go and remember who I am. And the more I practise, the easier it gets.

Today asking for help and receiving it is as satisfying as giving it.

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"If you are alive you need help."

Ben Renshaw

Being Grounded!

2010-04-28T09:00:00.000+10:00

Don’t you just love Mother Nature? She certainly knows how to get everyone’s attention and when she’s angry, she let’s us know! Take the latest natural disaster to affect the world: Iceland’s erupting Eyjafjallajokull volcano. (And no, I can’t pronounce it either!)

The impact has been significant for people all over the world - from stranded passengers to airlines (and many other businesses) losing vast amounts of money to whole countries (like Kenya) in fiscal jeopardy because they are unable to sell/export perishables like fruit, vegetables and flowers before they rot.
One of the hardest things for people to deal with in a situation like this is how to make sense of it when there is no one to blame or make wrong. How do you see the benefit or value in a situation that seems random and unfair and with no known end or outcome assured?

Well, I look at what is going on from at least two viewing platforms - my personal perspective and my world view - and ask myself: “What is the benefit in this, what is the gift, what is really going on here?”.

From my personal perspective, the benefit for me in this event happening now is that I am not travelling much at all this year. I made a decision last year to stop all long-haul travel (more than 3 hours) for a while. And I am glad I did! I am happy to stay on the ground and use the available technology to stay connected. I also feel that a strong message for me is “Stay put, stay grounded and trust the process”. So rather than wonder and worry about when it’s going to end, I choose to stop, take a breath and remember that whatever is happening is always perfect and that things will change and keep changing.

From my world view, what’s really going on here is that I feel that we are being asked to wake up from our self-involved slumber and become aware that everything is connected; to accept that whatever happens to you, has an impact on me and that the way to create peace and harmony is to co-operate with each other with loving kindness rather than fighting out of righteous anger and fear. And when things like this happen, we do step-up and help each other, we do co-operate rather than compete and we get through.

Like I said, gotta love Mother Nature!

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"Everything is part of everything else. There is nothing which does not belong. Perfection is everywhere, in everything, all the time ... no matter how you feel about it."

The Power of Conflict

2010-03-30T09:00:00.000+11:00

If there never was any conflict there would never be any change or growth. And if nothing ever changed or grew there would ultimately be … nothing.

I work with small business owners and their teams supporting them to create business cultures that are truly open, honest, loving and responsive. Of course this usually requires some disruption to the status quo: “I won‘t tell you what I can see, if you don‘t tell me what you can see”.

The notion that keeping quiet; not saying what you really feel/think/know; avoiding having the hard conversations and going all the way is acceptable or appropriate because it avoids conflict is a fiction. It is a closed and defensive way of thinking, feeling and being and ultimately creates more fear and more anxiety … not less. The choice to avoid being open and honest because you fear the response/reaction you will get comes from the same fearful thinking that created the issue in the first place. And in that fearful place there is no resolution.

In order to create open and honest communication as a cultural norm, you have to be willing to deal with conflict as it arises and sometimes even actively facilitate it. This means being willing to say what you can see, feel, and know, to stay in the conversation until it is complete and to BE present and aware and responding to what‘s really going on until the energy shifts and peace prevails … and it will … when you go all the way.

When you accept conflict as a natural and integral part of the process of transformation and welcome it as an opportunity to tell and hear the whole truth, you will discover the power of conflict to create peace.

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"It‘s not whether you have conflict in your life … it‘s what you do with conflict that makes a difference … Nature uses conflict as a motivator for change, creating beautiful mountains, beaches and pearls."

Tom Crum

Getting Better Is Not An Option

2010-02-24T09:00:00.001+11:00

Your insidious habit of judging yourself and others is the super glue that keeps you stuck in your own process and in your life. The notion that somehow, some way you can do a bunch of stuff to get better (or that someone else can) is simply nonsense … at least it's nonsense from the point of view of the paradigm of ultimate cause: I Create The Whole of My Own Reality, with love and wisdom always.

The idea that you (and others) are not okay the way you are and that you need to get better is a value judgement pure and simple. And value judgements are absolutely subjective and no more true than anything else you make up. When you agree with your own infernal, internal judge, chattering away about how you are not good enough … yet … there is always more you can do to get better … you are destined to ride the roller coaster of “stuff-esteem” and all the emotional blah-jang that goes with it. Not to mention how exhausting it can be!

Want to get off this ride?

Start by observing the internal dialogue and start noticing how quickly you want to agree with it … then don’t! Realise that the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself and others are simply that … your thoughts and your feelings - made up out of your filters - informed by your perceptions - occurring as a result of your value judgements and that they are no more real or true than anything else you can make up. Then make up some stuff you enjoy.

Choose to perceive everything and everyone through a filter of love rather than fear … choose to experience that you are okay and so is everyone else … choose to agree with the idea that everyone is always doing the best they can and what’s needed is awareness and compassion and love; not condemnation and criticism … choose to be your own divine self in relationship to everything and everyone, including yourself!, all the time. Choose to respond from love and enjoy the ride … !

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"If you’re not all right the way you are, it takes a lot of effort to get better. Realise you are all right the way you are and you’ll get better naturally."

Werner Erhard

Stop It!

2010-01-20T09:00:00.000+11:00

2010 has arrived and with it the promise of ever accelerating change. And there is no better time than right now to start some new habits … but first you have to stop some old ones:

Drop the not good enough stuff
It’s not true. It’s simply a game you made up when very small to keep you safe and it has now served its purpose. You are here, you have survived and now you have much more awareness than that wounded child so time to let it go.

When you are running the not good enough stuff, your communication is informed by the context of seeking/needing agreement/approval to feel safe and ok. No way will you reveal your deeper truth with this going on, no way you will be open and available if you are seeking approval … and without openness and honesty, communication sucks. The not good enough stuff is the single biggest communication killer around … time to get over it … really.

Not everything that comes into your head needs to come out of your mouth:
Get to the heart of your truth and find out what’s really going on. Most of the monkey chatter between your ears is simply your reactive, judgemental, critical, ego-centric voice doing its job – which is to keep you separate from who you really are. Stop agreeing with the thoughts in your head and start coming from the love in your heart. Go into the deeper parts of yourself and enquire as to what’s really going on for you … and speak that out loud.

Say what you mean and mean what you say:
Stop pussy-footing around and say what you really mean. Be explicit and clear not wishy-washy and passive/aggressive. Don’t ask a question when you really just want to make a statement or express something. If you have something to say, say it and then respond to what comes back. If you want/need help … ask for what you want … exactly. And if you are only willing to accept a “yes’ response … don’t ask. The more explicit you are, the more your communication and your relationships will flow.

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"Say what you mean and mean what you say..."

Interstate 60

Another Change in Leadership

2009-12-15T09:05:00.008+11:00

It’s time for another change in leadership. Not just in the world of politics – although we have certainly seen enough of that on a local level in the past week – but rather in how we see ourselves as leaders and how we lead. And that means you!

Irrespective of how you see yourself, you are at the very least the leader of you, and as such it’s time to step up and BE a leader, DOING what it takes to lead from love rather than fear.

The world is crying out for inspiring leaders that walk the talk and make choices and decisions based on whole truth and responsive action. It’s no longer sufficient to talk the talk of change and walk the walk of comfort. Whether in your own life, your work or your world, how you show up consistently is what makes the biggest difference. When you are firmly and consistently grounded in BEING the most loving you that you can BE, when you are willing to tell the whole truth and truly respond, your very presence inspires others to BE more open and honest and loving too. When you BE who you are, when you open up and authentically share and then do what you know you need to do guided by love and truth, everyone wins.

2010 is almost here and I believe this next decade will be defined by your Inspiring Leadership from fear to love. As the acceleration of consciousness and our creative process continues to increase rapidly, so too will the opportunities to lead yourself out of the illusion of fear and into the peace of knowing that you are love and only love is real.

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"As we open our hearts more and more, we are moved in the directions in which we are supposed to go. Our gifts well up inside of us and extend of their own accord. We accomplish effortlessly"

Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

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Merry Christmas!

For me 2009 has been a huge year of letting go and embracing change often! From dissolving the Open Up Partnership to running my Training Program for the first time in 6 years as well as confronting old patterns and issues have all contributed to a most powerful year of growth and awareness for me. In all of it I am profoundly grateful to have experienced so much support and love and care and nurturing from you: my friends, family, clients, colleagues and many mates around the globe. As the year draws to its inevitable conclusion I am reminded once again that the past is over if I let it go, the future has not been experienced yet so no need to project and get anxious about what has not yet occurred AND the only moment that matters is now. So right now I wish you joy and peace and love, right now.

Love Lornaxx

Please note: I will be on holidays from December 18th to January 18th and Maxine from December 18th to January 7th. Both of us will have limited access to emails.

Sharing The Love

2009-11-25T09:00:00.001+11:00

A few weeks ago a client sent me an email telling me that the work we had done together was having an impact at home - in particular with her 12 year old daughter Lexi and her blog site called Oz Tween Talk. When I logged onto the site, I was blown away. Here is a “tween” spreading the essential message of love yourself, tell the truth and be responsible to her peer group through affirmations, poems, her own insights, clear suggestions and supportive commentary.

I wanted to know more about this self aware tween and I also wanted to see if there was any way I could help get the word out there to more young people. When I talked to Lexi she told me that she got the original idea of writing a blog for tweens when she discovered that there just aren’t many forums for young people to really talk about how they feel about themselves and the things that are really going on and she wanted to do something to help. When I asked what kind of help she told me that young people need to step-back and look at things differently and not get so frustrated about the things that don’t really matter. Lexi says young people need to realise that although everything is not always perfect, you can live a worry-free life if you choose. Lexi believes that having a positive outlook and attitude is very important and she encourages her peer group to actively love and appreciate who they are right now through her colourful and engaging blog. She also acknowledged that her Mum had been very helpful and supportive in getting it up and running and although she doesn’t have a large following…yet(!) it’s out there. How cool is that!

Let’s face it … the sooner you realise that loving yourself is the real key to peace and happiness, the sooner you let go of seeking approval, validation, acceptance or agreement from outside yourself and start living an authentic life being who you are – beautiful, valuable, lovable powerful and unlimited. I am delighted that Lexi is sharing her self love with her friends. Please share the love with your tweens and family and friends

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"Give to the world to receive the world.
That's how the universe works.
To get something you need to give something."

Lexi, Oz Tween Talk 10/11/09

Being

2009-10-27T09:00:00.000+11:00

The value of Being cannot really be explained in words or pictures or models or stuff…the value of Being can only be known at a deeper level of self – an expanded consciousness beyond your usual jangly-blah day-to-day awareness. And in this ever quickening global village we live in it often seems like a tough choice to take the time to simply BE when there is always so much to do.
Yet being overwhelmed with doing, doing, doing takes its toll on your health and wellbeing - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Stress, worry and anxiety are very much at home in a doing-focussed, list-making mindset while peace, calm and joy reside somewhere else: Beyond the realm of doing into the domain of being fully who you are while you do whatever you do. Choosing to BE the most magnificent you that you can imagine while you do whatever you are doing. Choosing to be happy and peace-filled and joyful no matter what you are doing or not doing.
It’s a simple flip of an old paradigm of fear and resistance into a new paradigm of love and acceptance. At the very heart, all it really takes is a choice to BE conscious of who you really are - to accept that you are beautiful, lovable, valuable, powerful and unlimited - and to live in each moment from a ground of BEING that is not circumstance or situation dependant, but rather a conscious choice to be the most loving you that you can be no matter what is going on.
If you want to experience peace, joy and fulfilment focus on being who you choose to be, then do what you choose to do from love and you will have what you choose.

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"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do."

Epictetus

Change Is Constant

2009-09-29T09:00:00.001+10:00

Change is the one constant in our human experience. The one thing we can count on is that things will keep changing. And with that comes the opportunity to get up-to-date with the value of change.

According to the late Ian Xel Lungold (of Mayan Calendar fame) the rate of major change/paradigm shifts in this past decade is 20x faster than in the previous 250 years! Think about that … 20x faster - which means that change (think technology), is occurring at an ever increasing rate. And chances are you have been feeling it and experiencing it and dealing with it in every facet of your life.

How you handle change and how you deal with it is up to you. And there are a few things worth remembering if you want to keep up without flipping out.

Accept that change is constant and will keep occurring no matter what you do or don’t do.

You can choose to resist, avoid, manage, protect and defend or you can choose to accept, embrace, allow and respond – your choice.

Detach from outcomes and be focussed only on the end game and enjoy the process, the ride, the experience.

Remember that only love is real and relationships are eternal. It’s just the form that changes and when the form changes, trust that it is perfect and that it will probably change again.

Relax ... it's happening whether you like it or not so you may as well relax.

Choose who you wish to be in relationship to change and let go.

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"True change is always made at the level of 'being' not 'doing'."

Neal Donald Walsch

Don't Be So Greedy With Your Giving!

2009-08-26T09:00:00.001+10:00

Why is it so hard to ask and receive help and support? Why do you shy away from actually letting someone else give support and help to you when you go out of your way to give to everyone? I know it feels great to give but what else is going on?

Well surprise, surprise…it’s the same bottom line…the not good enough stuff in another guise. Many people feel that it’s better to give than receive…better to offer than take…better than what? Than being seen as somehow selfish and self-absorbed…somehow not deserving because in the old paradigm world of fear, the more you can do by yourself, for yourself, the better. I mean if you have to ask for help that shows that somehow you are weak and not ok. So the cycle becomes give, give, give and take very little – particularly if you have not really “earned” it!

How well is it working? Do you ever feel that you have given enough? Do you ever feel that it is really ok to let yourself ask for help, support and/or assistance and really let it in? If you do not then I suggest you consider that always giving and not receiving - like always picking up the tab at coffee, deflecting a compliment, always being the first to offer help no matter what, denying help for yourself etc. is actually quite “greedy”. When you are always the one giving, others are denied the joy of giving to you.

When you do let yourself receive, when you are aware that giving is only half of the whole process and that receiving is just as important, you will discover that joy abides in both giving and receiving.

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"Don’t be so greedy with your giving…"

Sri Narayani Amma

Letting Go

2009-07-28T09:00:00.000+10:00

The key to letting go is acceptance. You cannot let go of that which you do not accept. The key to acceptance is awareness – awareness of who you are and what’s really going on moment by moment. And the key to awareness is a willingness to BE present with whatever is occurring as it is occurring, right here, right now.

Sounds simple and it is, although as with most things involving the sticky, messy, human experience, not very easy - particularly when you fear letting go. And that’s what you need to let go of – your fearful thoughts that lead to fearful actions and the insidious anxiety that comes with it. Although the feelings associated with being fearful are quite “real’ in the sense that you feel them, the attachment to something in the past projected into the future is not real. The stuff is all made up, and even though you can feel quite strongly about your stuff, it’s still an illusion.

Letting go of your illusions is very tricky unless you stop and breathe and become aware of your thoughts and feelings, accept them and allow yourself to feel the feelings, acknowledge the thoughts and then remember that you are the one who gets to choose what happens next.

When you let go of resisting what’s so, stop for a moment and get present to the now, energy can flow, feelings can be released and peace will preside. Letting go of your fearful thoughts and feelings is the way to peace. And it requires rigour and discipline and a willingness to be present, accept what is so and allow the energy to shift.

Letting go is effortless when you simply BE in all your magnificence and …let go.

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"How do you let go of things? This means you leave them as they are; it does not mean you annihilate them or throw them away. It is more like setting down and letting them be."

www.buddhanet.net

Are You Tuned In?

2009-06-24T09:00:00.000+10:00

Over the past few weeks I have been attending a workshop exploring energy and the extraordinary power each of us possess to heal ourselves and others with love.

The basic premise of the workshop is that we are all energy; everything is energy and at our core is our own heart, the main generator of loving energy. Our ability to have our own generator fully operational is primarily dependent on being open, aware, responsible, loving and tuned into the highest frequency for guidance – the frequency of love.

Simple really … and as with everything on the growth path – not so easy to do. What it takes is first and foremost acceptance of who you really are and what’s possible when you stay tuned in to the universal radio station manned by God or Life-force or Source or whatever you call it – essentially it’s the energy of creation and that is love.

So how do you tune in and stay tuned in? Keep your circuits clear of disturbance – stress, worry, fear all create static in the energy field, static that interferes with a clear signal. Let go of the past, stop focussing on the future and get hip to where you are in each moment. Stop and breathe, long and often. Be here now. Listen to the voice of love; not the silver tongued voice of fear. Look after yourself – your whole self – mind, body and spirit – in the best way you can. Laugh often and out loud, smile and breathe and be with whatever is happening. Observe the energy rather than get caught up in the content and remember you are the most magnificent, powerful, valuable, lovable being on the planet.

When you stay tuned into the frequency of love, everything that appears to be a problem becomes an opportunity to respond from your own loving heart no matter what is going on. When you practice loving as your first response everything that is not love is transformed and wellbeing is assured.

Tune into that.

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stay tuned to the station

don’t slip off the dial

the information you seek

will come in a while

stay firm on the ground

while learning to fly

don’t hang around

or wait to get by

hook up to the godforce

let yourself know

you are the real source

you are the flow

healing will happen

it wants to occur

the stuff that just napping

comes right to the fore

it may be quite sticky

suffering will abide

release it is certain

set comfort aside

no more blanket to stifle

the truthseeking soul

opened up to the wonder

of where you can go

when letting love flow

while creating anew

stay tuned to the station

see what comes through

Lorna Patten

What Are You Resisting?

2009-05-26T09:00:00.000+10:00

Whatever we resist - persists! Now this is not a new concept and yet recently I have been observing how often I still resist the relentless ebb and flow of energy in and around me – particularly when I do not like what is happening!

In this topsy-turvy world we live in there seems to be a lot to resist. Many people are feeling anxious and nervous about things that are happening right around the world. We are travelling in uncharted waters and it seems to me that the more we resist what is happening the more it happens. All the rescue strategies currently in play whether from Government or inside your own mind cannot resolve or dissolve the fundamental cause – fear. The more we fear, the more we feel scared and the more scared we are the more we shut down and the cycle continues.

To break the cycle requires discipline and commitment and a willingness to stop resisting whatever is happening and instead stop for a moment, take a breath and BE with yourself and whatever is happening right now. Not involved in what is happening but rather being with it, observing yourself and your feelings and your thoughts and your energy. It’s a simple practice yet not easy to engage in because fear is so much more comfortable and familiar than BEING. If you want to fully live the life you choose, the life you cause, then BEING is the most profoundly powerful state you can dwell in. When you stop resisting who you really are and show up in the moment BEING fully you everything changes.

PS: Do you want to explore and experience BEING in a safe and supportive environment with like minded others?

Then come to the Go Deeper Forum this Friday, May 29th!

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"...It's when we stop resisting at the deepest level of our being that everything truly changes in a way that is forever. I'm not just talking about having a powerful spiritual experience; I'm talking about a permanent, irrevocable, vertical leap in our own emotional, psychological, ethical, philosophical, and spiritual development. When we no longer want to resist our own Authentic Self's natural inclination to evolve, we will begin to transcend those structures in the separate self that limit us. And we will also awaken to a sense of spiritual buoyancy, a lightness of being, because we have finally ceased to resist in a fundamental way and that's what changes everything."

Andrew Cohen

Who’s Really Judging You?

2009-04-27T10:00:00.005+10:00

Your human propensity to judge is hardwired. You need to be able to judge (discern) things in order to survive. However when your ability to judge becomes enmeshed with your own “not good enough” story it becomes a pervasive primary filter that informs how you see yourself, others and the world.

Here’s a simple test to see who’s really judging you:

How often are you concerned or convinced that others are judging you?
How often do you think you are being judged?

If you answered never, leave a comment sharing how you do it.

If you answered rarely, sometimes, often or always ... keep reading ...

When you think others are judging you ... who’s thinking that? Think about it ... Who’s thinking others are judging you? That’s right ... you are!

And when you think others are judging you, if that is the filter you look through, you’ll gather evidence to prove you are right ... you will feel judged because that is what you are doing to yourself.

Changing your filter from one of critical self-judgement to one of loving acceptance is simple although not easy at first.

Start by interrupting the flow of toxic thoughts as soon as you become aware of them. Then challenge their validity by saying to yourself “Thanks for the reminder…it’s not true that I am not good enough…this is an old story that has served its purpose and right now I choose to remember who I really am - I am ok, I am loveable and valuable because I am”. You may have to do this many, many times at first and if you persist, you will notice the thoughts don’t come up so often, so fully or linger for as long. And one day you will notice that the once pervasive “not good enough” rant is a merely a whisper.

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"For you are the one who has decided Who and What You Really Are – and Who You Want To Be. And you are the only one who can judge how well you are doing."

Conversations With God I, Neale Donald Walsch

Stop Trying To Change The World!

2009-03-23T12:40:00.002+11:00

I mean it. If you really want the world to change ... stop trying to change it. It’s a fruitless occupation that never delivers the goodies. Now I realise it’s very tempting to focus your energy and attention on that which is outside of you. After all it makes sense to try and control everything ... or does it?

And there is the problem ... when you try to do anything; you are on a path to nowhere. Trying is at best “an attempt” and at worst it actually means you are not doing something. Trying to do something is an underhanded way of avoiding telling the whole truth about what you are actually up to. And the whole notion of trying becomes very trying (couldn’t resist)!

Trying to change anything outside of yourself like another’s behaviour, outlook, mindset, feelings or a particular situation, organisation, culture or belief system is really hard work. It takes effort and persuasion and manipulation and usually after all that efforting ... it doesn’t work.

If you really want things to change, you have to start with changing what’s inside you. Examine your thoughts and feelings and actions and see where you can choose to change. If you are in the habit of always looking outside first, choose to begin looking inside first. If you are in the habit of wishing and hoping things will change, start BEING the changes you wish to experience. If you want more love start being more loving, if you wish for more acceptance, start being more accepting, if you hope for more of anything, start being more of everything.

When you stop trying to change things you’ll have more energy to create change from within.

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"Try? There is no try ..."

Yoda

What Happens When You Go Deeper?

2009-02-24T09:00:00.001+11:00

I have been in heaven this past week. The Open Up Communication Training Program which began on February 18th was always going to be sublime for me and it was! And the icing on the cake was The Go Deeper Forum on February 20th.

Twenty magnificent human beings came to sit with me and Dorje for a day of BEING together for the purpose of BEING. It was a day of celebration and connection as people opened up and sat in the space of love and acceptance, sharing their deepest truths with courage and compassion. I was moved to tears more than once as layer by layer I let go of attachment to identifying with my incessant thinking and sank deeper and deeper into the stillness of simply being.

I felt overwhelmed at times by the sheer intensity of feeling – not so much emotional attachment but rather something so exquisite that I didn’t quite know how to be with it. So I sat in my chair, in my body, breathing in and out and observing myself while I sat in the space. When I found myself back in my head and thinking, I reminded myself there was nothing to do and no where to be and nothing to fix. And I kept breathing.

It was one of the most amazing days I have ever spent with other people. Feelings and emotions ebbed and flowed like waves in the ocean and then a return to perfect stillness and peace reigned.

Nothing I say can adequately capture the moments. You really had to be there.

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"You are a powerful being. You may be a great thinker, you may be a big feeler but at your depth you are an immensely powerful Being.
In this vast ocean of existence there are many individual waves that arise for a time and they dissolve again. If you follow any individual wave down to its depths you will find the one ocean, the source of all waves.
You are the wave, you are the ocean.
For as sure as there are waves they are supported by the very depths they arise from.
As you Go Deeper following your own awareness down to its depths you will find the oneness of being. This state of being is you and yet it is greater than you, for you are all things and yet you are no thing.

Be the wave, Be the depths.
Hold these two truths united in your heart mind and let the games begin. There is no bigger game to play. Enjoy."

Dorje

Love Your Discomfort – Its Helping You Grow!

2009-01-29T09:00:00.000+11:00

I was given a pair of bright pink thongs (flip-flops to some) for Christmas. Now, as an adult, I am not one who usually wears this great iconic summer footwear, so decided to step outside my comfort zone (couldn’t resist this one!) and give the thongs a go. Little did I know I was embarking on a daily adventure in embracing discomfort!

When I was child, thongs were made of soft, squishy, sponge-like rubber. These new pink thongs certainly looked soft and squishy but when I put them on and walked a few steps, it felt like I was walking on sharp stones. The little plugs underneath that hold the straps in place are made of hard, solid plastic (not soft rubber) so each time I put my weight on them, they hurt my feet! I considered relegating them to the back of the wardrobe and resorting to my oh, so, comfy Crocs when I realised that these thongs presented me with an opportunity to learn how I respond (and react) to being uncomfortable!

So for the past few weeks I have worn my thongs every chance I get. I wear them outside and inside, to the beach and just walking around. And I have been acutely aware not only of my physical discomfort but also my mental and emotional discomfort that certainly exacerbates the physical pain. And I have noticed the many and varied ways I have of avoiding, managing and resisting being uncomfortable. When I agree with my head chatter that says it’s too hard to wear these thongs, they hurt etc, etc, I find the experience almost unbearable. Yet when I remember that I am choosing to wear them, that I have many other choices available to me and yet I still put these things on my feet each morning, I find myself relaxing into the thongs, allowing myself to feel and be with the experience and the pain simply disappears.

There you have it. A simple little lesson in being with what is so, taking responsibility for ALL my choices and allowing myself to fully experience all that I have chosen. When I do this, everything is easier and more flowing and I find my comfort zone expands.

As I sit here, wearing my pink thongs I am reminded not to underestimate how the little things in life can be such powerful catalysts for personal growth.

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"Every situation, indeed every moment, is of infinite value,
for it is the representative of a whole eternity."

Goethe

What Are You Grateful For?

2008-12-17T17:48:00.001+11:00

Well here we are again, another year has flown by and what a year it has been! Kevin said “Sorry”, Barack stepped up and made history, Morris stepped down, action on climate change was once again relegated to the back burner as the financial crisis took hold across the globe, and people everywhere started to become acutely aware of and really FEEL the insanity of the fear driven context that continues to inform our world experience.

And through it all how have you been responding (or reacting)? Who are you being right now in relationship to all the “stuff” that’s been occurring inside and outside you? What have you been making things mean and how can you remain peaceful and joyful on the roller-coaster ride of life?

Well again it’s a simple choice - Love or Fear ...

There has never been a better time to let go of fear and remember that LOVE is always the answer, no matter what the question. It’s the biggest opportunity you have ever created to truly embrace the paradigm of LOVE and everything it means moment by moment, to remember that you are powerful and valuable and able….able to choose in every moment who you are BEING in relationship to whatever is happening.

My choice is to be grateful. That’s right, grateful… I am grateful for all the stuff that keeps happening, all the “good’ and all the “bad”, for all the feelings I feel and all the thoughts I think and I am grateful for being who I am, here and now, because everything that is occurring is simply showing me where I still fear, where I still stop myself and where I still avoid being responsible, truly response-able for what I am experiencing.

As this year ends and I get ready to celebrate the holidays with my family and friends, I am grateful for being able to choose how I show up each and every moment. And I am grateful for my loving family and fabulous friends, clients, mentors, healers and wonderful, glorious people like you, continually showing me who I am and what’s possible when love is the main game.

My wish for you over this season of yuletide joy is that you remember to choose to be the grandest version of the greatest vision you can have of yourself, to love all of you and be grateful that you are. And enjoy!

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The quote goes: "Love thy neighbour AS thyself" not instead of thyself, or before thyself, or rather than thyself, but AS THYSELF!

There Is Enough!

2008-11-05T12:00:00.000+11:00

There is enough of everything. There is enough air to breathe and food to feed every single person on this planet and then some. There is enough space for everyone to have somewhere to settle and be at peace. There is enough of everything to ensure everyone’s wellbeing for a long, long time so what’s going on? Why do we act like there is not enough? Why do we hold on and over consume and dread the loss of what we have accumulated?

Think about it. I bet you could go to your fridge right now and feed more people than you realise. And when you go to your wardrobe, how many people could you clothe? And what about everything else you have? If you shared with others, how far would it go? What are you willing to share?

Now I am not suggesting you go out right now and give away all your stuff – you could and that would certainly be an experience that would blow your mind! – I am suggesting you wake up! And get conscious of how much you actually have, right now, and realise you have enough. If you have been feeling any anxiety about the world’s current economic maelstrom, you have bought into the pervasive and causative mindset that there is never enough and that no matter how much you have, more is better. This mindset is the path to hell.

The path to peace is to remember you are enough. That you have enough and no matter what you think you have, it’s only temporary. When you remember that you are infinitely creative and powerful, then you realise there is no need to accumulate or hang onto anything. When you realise that everything is energy (it just keeps changing form) and when you freely and unconditionally share your energy (in all its forms), everything flows and peace is assured.

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"There is enough of everything ... there is."

What Have You Been Investing In?

2008-10-03T09:00:00.000+10:00

You’d have to be living under a rock in a cave in the wilderness to be unaware of the “financial market meltdown” now being talked about in the developed world. The news is full of stories using language like, “turmoil”, “crisis”, “market in freefall” and “meltdown”. And people all over the country are wondering what’s going to happen to their investments, their superannuation, their future security?

Well, believe it or not, you do have a choice. A choice about whether you invest in love or fear. A choice about whether you scare yourself with the news and become stuck in a mindset of anxiety or whether you remember you create the whole of your own reality, you are a powerful, magnificent creator and you always have a choice about how to respond. Your choice depends largely on what you have been investing in…

If you have been investing in knowing who you really are, exploring your self-made internal representations of the world and choosing to align yourself with peace and love and joy, you’ll know that whatever is happening is simply a manifestation of the collective consciousness of the world. You’ll recognise your own choice to agree with the fear or not. If you have been investing in becoming aware of what’s really going on, beneath the surface of what appears to be so, you’ll remember that everything is energy – you are energy, money is energy, life is energy. When the energy shifts occurring in the world are driven by fear, more fear is the inevitable result. And the cycle continues.

You can respond to this cycle of fear in yourself and in the world by challenging your own fearful thinking, by not agreeing with anxiety that is prevalent in our world today and by remembering that everything is perfect even if it doesn’t look how you think it should. When you let go of your attachment to how things “should be” and instead accept the perfection in each and every moment, you’ll discover the inherent peace and joy that lives beneath the surface of your mind. When you invest in being fully present in each moment of now, your fear about the future dissolves and you experience real security – the security of knowing who you really are – Love.

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"Know thyself - and thou shall know all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe"

Inscribed above the Temple of Apollo in Delphi

Mind Your Head!

2008-09-04T10:00:00.000+10:00

You see your head is where all your thinking takes place, all the analysis paralysis that many of you engage in on a daily basis is a function of your thinking mind running on and on and on in an unconscious context of fear. And often without much consistent direction or conscious input from you.

You can release yourself from the tyranny of your fearful thinking by choosing to remember that you are not your mind, or your thoughts or your feelings or your body or any of your stuff. You are magnificent, creative, loving being and thinking and feeling are things you do. If you are the one doing those things then you can do something else if you choose.

And there’s the rub. What to choose? What’s the right choice? And where do you look to find your own answers?

Simple. You go within.

Stop for a moment ... close your eyes and breathe ... Notice where your attention is located and bring it back to your breath and your body sitting in your chair ... notice what’s going on inside and outside you ... observe without getting involved in the mind chatter that is occurring ... notice what you are feeling ... in your body ... and emotionally ... breathe and listen ... sit and breathe without needing to avoid anything, or make anything happen ... focus on your breath ...

Once you are in a state of being present in your body, in this moment, right here, right now, the whole of who you are is available to respond to whatever is present. It’s only ever one moment of now.

So when you find yourself stuck in your fearful, anxious, distracted thinking, stop and breathe. And mind your head!

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"Stay present and continue to observe what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the (thoughts and feelings) but also of “the one who observes”, the silent watcher. This is the power of NOW, the power of your own conscious presence. Then see what happens."

Eckhart Tolle

Do You Sweat The Small Stuff?

2008-08-01T00:00:00.000+10:00

I hope so.

Contrary to popular sentiment, I actually think it’s important to take care of the small stuff in life. For it’s only in the small stuff that the bigger issues can be resolved.

While enjoying coffee with my gym buddies the other day, we talked about how each of us personally felt about what we see happening in the world today particularly in relation to Zimbabwe, Tibet, Climate Change (all news makers these past few weeks). We agreed that man’s inhumanity to man is quite obvious in how many of our fellow human beings are behaving even though many will justify, excuse or endorse such things. We agreed that it’s terrible and awful and none of us like it, yet … what to do? Is there anything we can do that will make a sustainable difference in our world?

A few days later, while at the gym, I became acutely aware of how I could make a difference after going into the bathroom to wash my hands. There was water everywhere, all over the sink and surrounding vanity. My initial response was one of frustration: how could anyone just leave all this mess? I pondered this while washing my hands and as I was about to finish, I realised I was also in danger of just leaving this mess. After all, it wasn’t my mess per se, I wasn’t the one who splashed the water everywhere, I was just the person who came upon it this way. Then I realised – I am here and it is this way and I can do something about it right now. I saw that it cost me nothing to simply take my towel and mop up the water – so I did - and it took about 10 seconds. I got (again) the transformation that occurs when I take full responsibility for the whole of what is occurring in this moment.

So, you want to make a difference to the way your world is? The answer lies not only in the big dramas but in the small stuff that occurs every day, the stuff that you can respond to right here, right now. What are you waiting for?

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"From little things, big things grow ..."

Paul Kelly

I Create The (W)hole Of My Own Reality

2008-07-02T22:24:00.001+10:00

So where do you sit in relationship to this fundamental paradigm of ultimate cause? Are you firmly and unhesitatingly anchored in the position that says “I create the WHOLE of my own reality” or do you dip in and out, sometimes “yes”, sometimes “no” depending on how you feel - the “I create the HOLE of my own reality” position?

Lots of people ask me “How do I live this new paradigm?” And my answer is simply this: Fully accept and embrace the whole paradigm and the notion that you in fact are the cause of EVERYTHING, the whole, the all. You don’t need to believe in it, agree with it, prove it or understand it. You just need to take that position in relationship to everyone and everything that’s happening, all the time. It’s quite simple really and not so easy, particularly when you are judging everything that occurs and judging yourself in the process.

When you take the position that you only create some of what is happening and not all, you are creating a "hole" in the Whole of your own reality. Anything that you refuse to be response-able for, anything that you decide is happening to you, you have no power to change. You get stuck and you have to wait for whatever or whomever is causing it to cause something else. This is a big black hole you fall into and it can take ages to get out!

However, when you take the position that you do create THE WHOLE of your own reality, you get to choose what happens next, you get to choose how to respond, you get to choose again and again and again. You get to choose the whole without the holes.

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"I create the hole of my own reality"

Amala

The Waiting Game

2008-06-03T10:22:00.002+10:00

For the past few weeks, I have been waiting for some inspiration so I could write the May newsletter for you. And so far, I have come up dry. I have lots of ideas swarming around in my head and in my psyche and yet every time I sit down to write, nothing seems to click, nada, zilch and zip.

I have been thinking “I must get this newsletter out before May 31st, everyone is expecting it, I can’t miss a month, I have never missed a month, what will it say about me if I don’t get it out in time..” and blah, blah, blah. I would then tell myself “it’s ok, you’ll get inspired, you always have before, it will come” and I would calm down for a while. Then the whole cycle would start again. I realised that the more I engage in the “woulda-coulda-shoulda, someday-oneday-when” conversation, the more unsettled and anxious I feel and nothing gets done!

So this morning I stopped the conversation (and the anxiety) by choosing to embrace what was happening. I chose to let go of needing to write this newsletter by any particular time. By choosing what I was already experiencing, I let go of my self-imposed “have to’s” and decided that I am where I am, things are how they are and I am ok whether I do it or not. Whew! Such a relief.

As soon as I let go, I was inspired to write what I have been experiencing throughout this process! This always happens when I let go, energy flows and things clear up in the process of life itself without any “have-to” or “must-make-it-happen” energy from me.

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"You do not need to leave your room...
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Do not even listen, simply wait.
Do not even wait, be quiet, still and solitary.
The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked.
It has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet."

Franz Kafka

Pay Attention!

2008-04-27T21:40:00.001+10:00

What do the words “pay” and “attention’ have to do with each other? And why do we say “pay attention” when we mean “be present” and “be here now”?

When someone does something or says something you don’t agree with, the whole truth is it is ok for them to have a different opinion or perception of the world we share. Yet sometimes you are tempted to react, to take it personally and judge, defend or attack. When you let that happen, when you find yourself enmeshed in the feeling and emotion of your button-pushed reaction, notice your energy is invested what’s going on outside you and doing what you can to make it different/go away or change. You are paying attention to what’s happening outside because you don’t want to be present with what’s happening inside.

That’s where it gets messy. Whenever you invest your energy - pay attention - mainly to what’s occurring outside you i.e. what was said or done, you only get part of the information you need to respond and make another choice. When you forget to go inside first, to breathe and be with your own feelings, thoughts and energy inside you, when you forget that you are the source of all that is occurring, the cause of everything that is occurring both outside and inside, then you are caught up in feeling at the effect of whatever is happening. And the game continues.

Start paying attention to what’s happening inside you first. Be present with yourself and your thoughts and feelings about whatever is occurring moment by moment. Remember that you get to decide what things mean and when you pay attention to what you are making things mean, you have a choice about the next moment.

When you invest your energy in being the most loving, peaceful and joyful you can be, the dividends are huge. You experience more love, more peace and more joy no matter what is happening. When love is your main investment strategy the rewards are immense, for you and everyone else.

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"All we need is love"

The Beatles

The Truth About Your Judgements!

2008-03-28T17:38:00.001+11:00

There seems to be some confusion regarding the difference between acknowledgment – telling the truth – and expressing your judgements. Some people seem to think that expressing a “negative” or “critical” truth is judgement and therefore not appropriate to express. Not so. What determines whether you are judging is whether or not you believe that whatever is occurring (or whomever is involved) is right or wrong; good or bad; negative or positive; better or worse. Judgement is the polarising value we place on whatever is occurring, not the thing itself. It’s a context that we come from and is largely based in fear, not love.

The net result of judging everything that occurs is that you create a polarised position in relation to that which you are judging. That very polarity creates tension and ultimately the whole attack/defend pendulum gets set in motion.

For example: If I have arranged to meet someone at midday and they show up at 2pm, telling the truth to that person could go something like: “We agreed to meet at midday and you are 2 hours late. I feel disappointed and frustrated right now.”

The judgement piece comes in when you believe that it is wrong for someone to show up late and they are wrong for doing that.

For example: “We agreed to meet at midday and you are 2 hours late. What’s wrong with you that you can’t keep a simple appointment? It’s not ok for you to do this to me. Blah, blah, blah… " (you know the drill!).

And don’t get me started on the “No judgement but…” conversation. That’s just a sleazy way of making others wrong while appearing to be “enlightened” and detached. Yeah, right. If you think saying “no judgement but…” gives you licence to dump your judgemental “truth” all over someone else, think again. The most powerful thing you can do when you find yourself judging is to acknowledge it eg: “I am judging (you/me/what’s occurring) right now and I am feeling upset/angry/frustrated (whatever it is). Then choose how you want to respond rather than go looking for agreement about your judgements.

The truth is, you judge, I judge, everybody judges. We judge everyday in many ways - both large and small, covert and overt, extreme and subtle. Recognise that you do judge and rather than judge yourself for that, love yourself, tell the truth and be responsible for your truth and your judgements.

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"Today I will judge nothing that occurs."

A Course in Miracles

Let The Healing Begin

2008-02-25T10:00:00.007+11:00

On Wednesday, February 13, 2008, I like millions of Australians witnessed history being made when our Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, stood up in Federal Parliament and said “sorry”. As I sat and watched with tears streaming down my face, I was moved by his open, honest and heart-felt acknowledgement. I knew that a profound and powerful healing had begun not just for all Australians, but for all humanity. Later in the day I received the following email from my beautiful business partner and dear friend, Peter Sheldon and I want to share it with you:

“Today was the 42nd opening of parliament and the day that the prime minister, Kevin Rudd kept his word and delivered an apology to the indigenous people of Australia. Rudd’s speech, the emotional and spiritual responses in the parliament and particularly the gallery were evidence, along with the deep feelings in my own heart and soul, that we were witnessing the fundamental commencement of a deep healing, not only for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders, but for everyone who resonated with the pain of separation, the release of genuine acknowledgement and the possibilities for creating anew.

It has long been my own feeling that we have been blessed to have in our consciousness (though often denied), the continued (though tenuous) presence of a people whose profoundly deep feeling of connection with the land and model for connection through spirit is a reminder of where and how we have separated from our own spirit and from each other as a people.

In many ways, I feel the consequences of this part of our own history, as they are demonstrated in aspects of both city and country Aboriginal communities, is the mirror of so much we haven’t been willing to acknowledge in our modern, busy living and sometimes soulless experiences. Yet how profound and painful it has had to be (for our indigenous brothers and sisters) to allow us all to get to today and the healing to begin with consciousness through this first step to reconciliation. How powerful that Rudd has brought this forward so forthrightly and in this first term of Parliament for both Kevin Rudd and Brendan Nelson who entered the House today as new leaders on both sides of Parliament.”

Now as we move forward in the spirit of reconciliation I ask you to look into your own heart and choose to heal your separation from your own magnificent self, from each other and from humanity as a whole. We are all one people, one whole planet, one song in the universe. Let the healing begin.

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"Today is an historic day. Through one direct act, Parliament has acknowledged the existence and the impacts of the past policies and practices of forcibly removing Indigenous children from their families. And by doing so, has paid respect to the Stolen Generations. For their suffering and their loss. For their resilience. And ultimately, for their dignity"

Tom Calma, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Social Justice Commissioner, Australian Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission

For more information: http://www.humanrights.gov.au/social_justice/bth_report/index.html

Choosing Peace

2008-01-28T00:00:00.001+11:00

According to the Gregorian Calendar we use in our culture, it’s a “new year” and the habit of many is to make resolutions, plans, goals and lists of things to do in the coming 12 months. And as anecdotal evidence suggests, the majority of resolutions, plans and goals fall by the wayside before too long.

Some years ago, I realised I was making mostly content based resolutions every new year out of habit and a sense that “I should”. I also noticed I became very attached to them as a way of measuring my worth and value. This strategy did not ever deliver what I had hoped for which was to simply experience myself as lovable, valuable and ok, no matter what was going on.

So I decided to let go of my “lists of shoulds” and start each year by choosing a personal context that supports whatever I am choosing to do rather than focusing on all the content issues and “stuff” to resolve or do or achieve.

This year I choose the context of peace. I choose to experience deep, unshakeable inner peace no matter what’s going on inside or outside of me. What this requires is my willingness to BE peaceful, to detach from personalising everything from my ego’s view, even when there is temptation all around me to get plugged in and react. Not easy.

As the integrity of our human process dictates, as soon as I chose peace I began to experience lots of “not peace”! A friend’s dog nipped my toe; a man honked and glared at me in the traffic; the builder across the road brought in a rock-breaker going hell-for-leather hour upon hour, etc. I could react and get stressed or I could choose peace. Again, not always easy and certainly I had some moments of strong feelings and reactions, yet as soon as I reconnected with my context of peace I returned to being peaceful and things began to change without any effort or stress on my part. That’s peace.

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"I could choose peace instead of this"

A Course in Miracles

Jerry Seinfeld’s 3 Rules For Life

2007-12-11T00:00:00.000+11:00

When I heard Jerry Seinfeld talk about his “3 Rules For Life” (he was in Australia recently) I was inspired by his deeper distinctions. Now you get to read my interpretation of what he communicated: Enjoy!

1. “Bust Your Ass”

This particularly American turn of phrase that could be interpreted as simply “go hard” and do the most you can do. However I believe if you look deeper it actually holds a key to peace and joy no matter what’s going on. In the context of “I create the whole of my own reality” it also means to get fully involved, it means putting your whole self fully into whatever choices you are making and fully experiencing whatever you experience. It means responding from your whole self and being fully present.

2. “Pay Attention”

Again, this often heard phrase (particularly in relation to school!) could be interpreted to mean simply “stop day dreaming and get with it” and in one way that’s spot on. And it says, “wake up!”, become aware of what’s really going on, the whole of what’s occurring, not just what’s obvious. It means get connected in consciousness with the world around you and the people in it and notice what’s really happening. It means invest yourself in the moment and be here now.

3. “Fall In Love”

The most obvious interpretation is “…with that special someone…” and a deeper cut allows you to see the fullest application of this cool rule in all of your life. Enjoy every moment, fully and completely. Savour every experience and when you have a peak experience, acknowledge it, revel in it and celebrate no matter what it is. Jerry Seinfeld cited having “…a GREAT cup of coffee..” and letting everyone around you know how you are feeling: “ I am having a GREAT cup of coffee right now!” Simple and powerful.

As 2007 draws to a close, remember these 3 simple rules and enjoy the festive season however you choose to celebrate. It has been a wonderful year for me in every way and I am so grateful to be me, here now, living the life I choose. I am blessed to have so many friends, advocates, supporters and mates. Thank you.

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"It’s a great life if you don’t reason"

Florence Scovel Shinn (1928)

Give It Up!

2007-11-12T00:00:00.000+11:00

Until you give up judgement (right/wrong; good/bad; negative/positive) as the default setting for your internal (and often external) communication, you will continue to experience yourself as not safe to be who you really are. You will experience others as attacking you when you do not agree and you will experience hurting yourself with your constant internal conversations full of judgements (of self and others) that keep you stuck in the loop of feeling varying levels of “not good enough” and needing to prove that you are.

When you let go of self-condemnation, self-blame, self-bashing and self-doubt (all judgement based), when you accept that whatever has occurred in the past is in the past (i.e. it’s over!!) and you let go of needing/wishing/hoping it woulda/coulda/shoulda been different - you open yourself to hear and receive love from everywhere and everyone. It’s quite remarkable how much space gets created when you let go of using your “not-good-enough” stuff as your primary reference filter and choose instead to accept and acknowledge the truth about who you really are – “the most magnificent being ever created” – as your only reference point.

Its time to give up your “not good enough” story, time to step-up and really own the truth about you really are – the creator of the whole of your own reality - powerful beyond measure, perfectly you, right here, right now – able to show up as “the most magnificent version of the greatest vision” you have ever had about yourself. Choose to remember that you are ok (and so is everyone else), that you are inherently loving energy (and so is everyone else) and whatever it looks like, whatever you feel – if you seek to connect with the loving intention in every situation, interaction and conversation – you will find it – and yourself.

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"…judge not, and neither condemn, for you know not why a thing occurs or to what end."

Conversations with God 1, Neale Donald Walsch

Are You Up-To-Date?

2007-10-24T00:00:00.000+10:00

I’ve just returned from London after delivering some workshops and catching-up with lots of people, some of whom I haven’t seen for several years. On the flight over I became aware that I was feeling quite anxious. I told myself "… it’s to be expected … you’re traveling far away from home, meeting new people … just let go, get off it, calm down, relax" … blah, blah blah …

A few days (and a few challenging experiences) later, I noticed I was feeling even more anxious and now I was also feeling angry. Clearly telling myself to "just let go and get off it" was not working.

I vented to a friend then decided to sit with the feelings and let myself be. I realised that I was reacting to old stories, old pictures and old stuff still running in my head - stuff that had happened in the past - stuff that was not actually going on right now … except I continued to create it and recreate it inside me. I realised I could keep choosing to create my now based on the past or I could choose to get up-to-date, to take a fresh look at the people and situations I was experiencing right now and choose a different reality now, free from the past.

I chose to take a fresh look, to listen with clean filters, to remember that every person I encounter is a magnificent, loving, creative being - as am I - irrespective of what shows up and all I need is to be here now, in this moment, freely choosing this moment, right now.

Over the next three weeks I had the most wonderful time. I loved every moment of my time away, I made new friends, deepened connections with others and experienced the joy of being here now, choosing fresh and clean, right here, right now. I recommend it.

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"Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now … if the past can’t prevent you from being present, what power does it have?"

Eckhart Tolle

When Fear Comes To Town

2007-09-11T00:00:00.000+10:00

Fear came to town this week in a very obvious way! A five kilometre steel fence in the Sydney CBD a stark reminder that when fear is the pervasive paradigm, there are few choices but to manage, protect and defend. A false sense of security if ever there was one!

The jangly energy in this city is palpable. People are feeling frustrated, angry, annoyed, fed-up and more than a little anxious. Grid-locked traffic and “exclusion” zones all contribute to the mounting tension. Driving around today, I was struck by how many police are out and about – in cars, on roadways, on bridges, atop buildings, on the harbour and in the air - their intention to “guard” and “protect” – to help us all feel safe. Interestingly (and more to the point, obviously!) it’s not working. The very things that have been put in place in the name of “security” are having the opposite effect. People are feeling more and more stressed as our fear manifests in angry outbursts, frustration on the roads and in our cars, impatience with people and things that are not going how we think they should and making ourselves sick.

So what do we do?

Well, the first thing to become aware of is that we cannot resolve the paradigm of fear from within a paradigm of fear! Putting up more and more barriers, pushing and resisting and focusing on “trying to change” the external reality will never deliver lasting peace. What’s needed is a change of context, a paradigm shift from fear to love.

If you really want to live in peace, you need to be willing to go deep within yourself and allow the essential love that is you to lead the way. To remember who you really are and to consciously (mindfully) choose to be who you are moment by moment, irrespective of whatever is occurring outside of you. This does not mean denying or ignoring your external world and it does mean to centre yourself in love (who you really are) while making choices about how to respond.

When fear comes to town choose greet it with love and watch what happens.

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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

Marianne Williamson

Just Say Yes!

2007-08-21T00:00:00.000+10:00

Recently I became aware of an insidious habit I had developed from fear -specifically my need to control. Another old paradigm habit to let go of!

It came to light when my mother, sister and niece came to stay recently. In their desire to help and support me while visiting – I was working for a lot of the time, they kept asking if there was anything they could do for me, like shopping when they were out and about or sweeping the kitchen floor or tidying up. Small things that can make a big difference, if I let it!

I found myself feeling agitated and on automatic response (reaction!): “No, thanks, I’m fine, don’t worry about it” I would say. Then I began to notice how my response was received. They were disappointed. I thought I was “sparing’ them from having to do stuff for me, stuff I am perfectly capable of doing all by myself and for myself, as I do most of the time. I then realised that my automatic push away of their desire to give something to me succeeded in communicating the exact opposite of what I consciously intended.

I knew there was more to this dynamic for me than I was conscious of, so I reflected on my behaviour and asked myself this question: “What is going on underneath this? What is this really about for you?” I decided to simply observe the conversation in my head without any judgement (positive or negative) and see what came up. And I got it: my fear of others’ feeling obliged to do things for me, my reluctance to receive something I feel I haven’t “earned” is directly connected to my not good enough stuff . And it’s simply not the truth about me (or any of us), it’s an old habit that I can choose to let go of. When I got this, my energy shifted and I felt more peaceful.

Just before my family left, I started saying “yes” to their requests to help me. I felt happy and so did they!

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"I say yes! to life and life says yes! to me."

Louise L Hay

Are You Missing The Point?

2007-07-20T00:00:00.000+10:00

Imagine communication is like a spear. It can be long or short, blunt or sharp and when you get ready to throw it, how long a run up you take is up to you. As you go through your life using this tool more and more, the better you get at aiming it not only in the right direction and at the right person, but also to hit the mark more and more often.

Yet with some people and in some situations, no matter how hard you try, you just keep missing the point or the point misses you! So what’s going on?

Well, the word communication literally means “to share” so when things are going pear-shaped it pays to become conscious of what you are actually sharing. Effective communication is not achieved through voicing the edited default newsreel of events and “he said, she said” that makes up the noise in our heads. The constant “blah, blah, blah” that goes on within us and without us is not the stuff that really hits the mark. Effective communication occurs when what you intended the other to get, they got and you got that they got it!

Communication occurs from the whole of you – mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. And whether you are aware of it or not, you are always communicating something. So becoming conscious of what you are actually communicating (and what you are not) is akin to sharpening and honing your spear so you can throw it further, faster and more accurately the next time.

Start by taking responsibility for ALL of what you give and ALL of what you receive in every interaction. Pay attention to the feedback and if you find yourself reacting to what comes back ask yourself: “What have I made this response mean to me? Why am I getting so angry/upset/defensive etc. about it? What’s going on inside me?” The answers to any one of those questions will lead you to the sharp, pointy end of the communication – the stuff that when shared, changes everything.

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"The meaning of your communication is the response you get."

John Grinder & Richard Bandler

Who Are You?

2007-06-01T00:00:00.000+10:00

What answer came to mind when you read this? Do you know who you are? Or are you still wondering? Maybe you have drifted off into your story about who you think you are… or maybe you just don’t know…

So stop for a moment and take a breath… connect with yourself… get into your body…feel what your body fees like…notice what you are feeling emotionally right now…and breathe… notice what you are thinking about… and breathe…

Whatever you just experienced, none of it is WHO YOU ARE. All of your experience is filtered through the sensory, emotional, physical, mental and psychic abilities you possess as a human being. None of it is who you are. You are not your body, or your mind, or your feelings, or your thoughts or your ideas, or any of the “stuff” you may think…

Who you are is BEING able to choose - to be, to do and to have - anything. Anything you can imagine, you can choose. So what choices are you choosing consciously and what choices are simply automatic habits that you keep recycling over and over again?

You cannot BE the most magnificent you can be by continuing to agree with your fearful judgements and opinions about yourself and others. You cannot be happy, peaceful, joyful and fulfilled by continuing to choose anger, frustration, anxiety, worry, stress, misery and pain in reaction to whatever is happening. And continuing to do so will not get a different outcome!

Being the most magnificent you that you can be firstly requires a willingness to accept that you are magnificent. Really. Then you need to engage in the process of becoming aware of who you really are and what’s really possible when you choose to BE all that you are moment by moment. And when you choose to truly engage in your own process with the conscious intention of knowing who you really are and being all you can be, magic happens and life takes on a whole new dimension.

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"…if you knew Who You Are – that you are the most magnificent, the most remarkable, the most splendid being God has ever created – you would never fear… but you do not know Who You Are and you think you are a great deal less…"

Conversations with God Book 1 pp16

Have You Got The Secret?

2007-05-01T00:00:00.000+10:00

There’s been a lot of publicity about “The Secret” in recent weeks. Newspaper opinion pieces, television exposes, send-ups and interviews, radio talk-back shows and internet chat rooms all abuzz with polarized viewpoints alternately attacking or defending what one Sydney psychologist dubbed “dangerous psychobabble”.

So what is “The Secret” and why is it causing so much controversy?

“The Secret” was originally produced as a television “documentary” which received very little exposure. When the DVD was released here in 2006 word spread like wildfire and everyone I met seemed to be talking about ”The Secret”.

When I watched it for the first time last year, my initial reaction was “here we go again - simplistic, re-hashed, positive thinking rhetoric”. However half-way through the DVD, I realised that although it lacked certain clear distinctions and some depth, its basic premise - “The Law Of Attraction” - is on point with the paradigm: I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality. What’s missing is the clear and unambiguous distinction that The Law Of Attraction is not confined only to that which you now decide you really want.

The Law Of Attraction is working ALL the time, in every moment. It is the endless flow of creative energy manifesting in a myriad of ways, activated by constant input from your thoughts, your feelings (emotions and sensory based), your intuition or “knowing” and your actions. Whatever you have ever experienced and are currently experiencing is a result of whatever you have chosen before this moment, i.e. whatever you are experiencing is what you have been “attracting to you”. The fact that much of what you “attract” is not what you consciously “want’ (or choose) does not nullify the law. All it means is that you have not been conscious of what you have actually been choosing. When you are willing to take responsibility for whatever shows up, to truly be “at cause” in the matter, you are free to respond however you choose and free to choose again. It really comes down to remembering you are connected to everyone and everything, that who you really are is loving, creative, powerful, and magnificent and that we are all one.
When you get this, you’ve got “The Secret”.

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"Any great idea, if not at first thought absurd,
hasn't much hope ..."

Albert Einstein

What You Do Doesn't Matter

2007-04-01T00:00:00.000+10:00

Seriously, what you do doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter today and won’t matter 100 years from now. You may be feeling uncomfortable, even challenged by this idea - particularly if you happen to be invested in the “doing, doing, doing” paradigm that is all pervasive in our society. If you honestly think that what you do and how well you do it is what makes the difference– think again! If you think that what you do is important you are seriously deluded – yes, deluded because you have missed the whole point of BEING here!

You are here to BE the most magnificent you that you can BE. You are not here to DO anything in particular. You are here to BE you – nothing more and nothing less – simply BE you.

“But how do I DO that?” I can hear you ask…and herein lies the divine dichotomy…you do not get to BE who you are by DOING anything. You get to BE who you are by BEING who you are right now, and right now and right now …you get the point! When you let yourself BE wholly and fully who you are then whatever you DO makes a difference because of who you are being. And here’s the kicker – when you get that what you DO really doesn’t matter, then you are free to DO whatever you choose because you know that what really matters is who you are BEING while you do whatever you choose! Neat huh?

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"You might as well BE yourself,
because everyone else is already taken."

Anon

Are You Pressure Sensitive?

2007-03-01T00:00:00.000+11:00

A few weeks ago I was asked to get involved in a project with one of my long-term clients (for a new client of theirs). My immediate visceral response was “no” – not my thing really, not really what I do best but rather than simply get the message and respond, I chose to override it with my insidious thinking that I “should consider this” and not wanting to disappoint anyone I said “yes”. After all I was doing something to help my client and I thought “I can do this, I can make this work” and so it began.

One week on and I was feeling anxious. I kept telling myself “I’m a bit anxious and that’s ok and this will work” and I’d let go of the anxiety for a while and carry on. About the same time, I had my annual physical check-up and my blood pressure was higher than usual. My doctor suggested I monitor it for 3 months to see what was going on. Now I was anxious about this too!

Two weeks and many hours of thinking, talking, meetings, phone calls, emails and changing schedules later (and higher than normal BP readings every day) I presented to the client and it was a complete bust! Nothing worked for the client (or for me!) and at the completion the client said it was not going to work and my involvement in the project was terminated. I agreed and rather than feeling not good enough, I actually felt relieved! I felt much calmer than I had in weeks, I had a smile on my face and my body felt different, lighter and more relaxed.

As I was driving home, I realised that I had been putting so much pressure on myself (and everyone else) to “get the project right and make it work” that my wellbeing – physical, emotional and mental – was directly affected. And because I was so intent “doing the right thing” I ignored most of my anxiety and pushed it away. As soon as it was all over, I felt completely different. And the next day my blood pressure dropped significantly (and has stayed in the normal range ever since).

I saw again how easy it is to slip into agreement with my fear, rather than stand for what I know is right for me, even if it feels uncomfortable to say so. And the real epiphany was to see the immediate affect my emotional state has on my health and how quickly it can change.

You’ll Always Get What You Know You Will!

2007-02-01T00:00:00.000+11:00

Whatever you think you want, whatever you think you are choosing, the reality is you will get exactly what you know you will, what you feel certain about. Not what you think most often about but what you feel most consistently about.

Now you may think you are clear when you have a clear concept or picture or form of what you want. But how do you feel? Do you feel completely clear and clean? Do you know you will manifest what you say you want? Really? Or is there a niggle of doubt? Do you feel a sense of “ah hah” deep inside, that “gut knowing” or do you feel anxious? Are you certain (like you are certain of your name or age)? Or are you hoping, wishing, praying, beseeching?

The secret to getting what you say you want lies in telling the truth about how you feel - on a sensory level (body response) emotionally (the meaning you give to everything) and the fundamental “gut” level (what you know).

For years I would write a new “life script” on December 31st. I would write down everything I wanted then wait anxiously for things to happen so I could feel valuable, powerful, lovable etc. Sometimes it worked and often it didn’t. Then I discovered that I was doing the process backwards. First I needed to know I am a lovable, valuable, powerful creator. To know who I am without doubt. Then choosing to manifest “stuff” was easy.

So next time you think you know what you want, check out how you feel – what’s really going on inside you. Pay attention to your “gut” response on a sensory level, notice and allow whatever emotional feelings you have and then tell the truth about what feels congruent and what doesn’t. You know what that is. And when you have emotional, sensory and “gut” alignment, manifestation is instantaneous!

What Aren’t You Saying?

2007-01-01T00:01:00.000+11:00

I was having breakfast with a dear friend recently and we were talking about the difficulties she’s having communicating openly and honestly with her family. Her initial reason for withholding (particularly emotionally) was that “…it’s very painful for them and they can’t deal with it”. I responded that her rationale was logical, reasonable, even thoughtful and very common…spare them from acknowledging (and perhaps releasing) their pain by continuing to suppress, depress and repress your own!

I then offered her another way of looking at it: “What if your withholding actually reinforces their fear and pain? (The unconscious message being sent and received is: “you are right, it’s too hard /painful/scary to deal with so we’ll just push it away/deny/ignore it”). What if you are actively enabling them to stay in fear because you won’t have the heart-felt and sometimes hard conversations? What if, by sharing your truth openly, honestly, directly, clearly and completely you (and they) have the opportunity to feel and heal and let this go? And finally, whether they choose to go there or not, you can…”

I then shared my own experience of having a heart-felt and hard conversation with my mother over the holidays. I was feeling a lot of stuff so I just blurted it all out one day in a fit of frustration. Not the most elegant way to start a conversation, yet in the end it didn’t matter. What mattered was my intention – which is to come from love and return to love as soon as I become aware that I am not coming from love. So I kept talking and listening and responding until I got to a critical emotional piece I had been withholding for a long time. My energy shifted immediately. I was aware of a deep abiding peace settling in me. Then Mum began to really open up and shared how she was feeling with me. It was amazing. I realised (again!) it’s not a one-off “all fixed now” proposition. Being open and honest is a process that has no end. Whenever I open up, really open up and share the big and the small – the all – my relationships thrive. And so do I. She got it.

Are You Giving Fear or Love?

2006-12-01T00:00:00.000+11:00

In its most simple form, the choices you have come down to this – Fear or Love. You can choose to view anything from a context of fear or a context of love. And the only evidence you have of where you are coming from is how you feel and what you “know’ deep inside. Whatever the situation, circumstance or event – you can choose love instead of fear. When you choose love as your primary filter, it’s easier to accept things as they are, not as you expect them to be. When you remember that love is the main game, you move yourself from a place of fear -which manifests as anything from anxiety to terror - to a more resourceful, creative and peaceful place. And when you choose love moment by moment all your communication and thus all your relationships take on a softer, more expansive energy.

During this holiday season, where I, like many of you, will be spending time with family and friends I know that giving love to myself is just as important as giving it to others and that my willingness to let go, accept and allow also includes me – something I tend to forget when caught up in the whole Christmas ritual. So relax and enjoy giving and sharing love.

Wishing you and your loved ones peace and love and joy.

Who Says It Has To Be Done By Christmas?

2006-11-01T00:00:00.000+11:00

that time of year again. The summer holiday season is fast approaching here in Australia and a Christmas/New Year holiday break is integral to many Western Cultures across the world. A time of “good cheer and goodwill towards men” is often seen as the finish line to reach before falling in a heap and having a “break”… until next year. Whether it’s meeting a deadline, catching-up with friends and family, achieving a sales budget or cleaning out the office – this arbitrary deadline can have you feeling stressed and under pressure to “get everything done before Christmas”. Not to mention all the extra energy needed to do all the things that have to be done for the holiday season.

Say’s who? When did this time become any more urgent or important than any other? Granted the whole “end of the year” thing is a convenient marker for letting go and starting fresh. And if that’s how you choose to view it and choose to use the start of the year to start something new for you, go for it. At the same time you could also choose to stop for a moment, take a breath and relax…that’s right… R…E…L…A…X. You can choose to have this “time of year” be as peaceful and flowing and productive and nurturing as any other. It’s your choice. You can choose to agree that time is the arbiter or you can choose to remember that you are!

So the next time you find yourself thinking/feeling “it has to be done by Christmas” ask yourself…”says who?’ and then choose.

Are You Being With It Or Agreeing With It?

2006-10-15T00:00:00.000+10:00

Whatever is happening you always have a choice – you can be with it or you can agree with it and your next experience will occur out of the choice you make.

Agreeing with it means you engage in the seductive dance of deciding things mean what you think they mean out of judging and evaluating what occurs according to your past-infused beliefs about good and bad, right and wrong, ok and not ok. When you agree with it, you get stuck with it. It feels “really real” so the next urge usually is to “fight it” or “flee from it”. Struggle with it, work at it, or bury your head in the sand and enjoy a little denial. And the kicker – reacting, behaving and/or acting out of what you agreed is true from your judgement like it’s really real! Whew! When you agree with it, the game becomes fight or flight – and not much choice.

When you choose to be with whatever is going on, you will experience more peace and joy in the process of being and allowing and accepting. Energy flows and things change just in the process of life itself. Being with it means that you accept who you are as “cause” of your reality, it means accepting that whatever is occurring is how it is and allowing all the thoughts and feelings without doing anything about any of it and accepting the perfection inherent in this moment. Acceptance means the willingness to be with it rather than wanting to, having to, needing to change it, alter it or do something about it. When you be with it, energy flows.

So when something occurs, accept it, allow it, be with it and inevitably, something else will be.

Can You Really Handle 100% Truth?

2006-10-01T00:00:00.002+10:00

What would the world be like if everyone told the truth? I mean 100% of the truth, 100% of the time, 100% of everyone...what would it be like? I personally think it would be great – eventually. With all truth on the table there would be nothing to fear. Imagine that!

However, the pervasive paradigm we live in says: “It’s a nice ideal BUT you can’t really tell the truth 100% of the time about 100% of everything to 100% of everyone. It’s good to be honest but sometimes you have to lie (withhold, deny, pretend, not say anything) or people would be saying things and hearing things that may hurt or cause conflict or outright aggression etc.”

And there you have it. The reason you can’t handle 100% truth is two-fold: you have decided that others can’t handle it (because of what they might feel) and the real kicker - you are scared of what you might feel. As long as you stay scared of what everyone might feel, as long as you continue to react to another’s truth as if it is a personal attack the game of “I am open and honest….(except when I’m not)’ will continue. And not much will shift.

So next time you have an opportunity to really be open and honest - open up your heart (not just your head) and connect with 100% truth: the “stuff” that’s going on, your feelings and what you know - then communicate (give and receive) from love (rather than fear) and respond to whatever comes up and keep responding until you feel the energy shift – and it will when you go for 100%.

Self-Doubt Is A Traitor!

2006-09-01T00:00:00.000+10:00

“Our doubts are traitors that make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt,” William Shakespeare

When I first came across this quote it struck a deep chord within me. The idea that “doubts are traitors” made me realise that every time I get a clear, intuitive or gut response to say “yes” to something, I “win the good” when I take the leap of faith and choose before I know what’s going to happen. And when I doubt myself and what I know, when I decide to question what I am saying “yes” to, I am betraying my own magnificent self and what is possible for me and I “…lose the good…by fearing to attempt”.

Think about it. Whenever you get a clear signal to say “yes” to something and act before you think too much, I bet things work out better than you could have ever planned. Yet when you get a clear “yes” and rather than acting on it, you distract yourself with in-depth analysis of the data and facts and pro’s and con’s and trying to work out all the angles (i.e. the “right” choice to make) – you end up stuck in confusion, indecision and endless wondering not only what to choose and what to do but also how it’s all going to occur and how you are going to handle it.

When you choose to go with your heart, gut, soul – whatever you call it - and act before you think too much, you will experience being in the flow of your life, being the “cause” of your reality rather than “at the effect” of it. And when you choose first and trust your ability to respond, the “how to” shows up in unexpected and delightful ways.

I invite you to say “yes” to something today - before you “think” about it too much - and see what happens!

What Are You Responsible For?

2006-08-01T00:00:00.000+10:00

Every human being, irrespective of race, colour or creed, has the right to enjoy loving and nurturing relationships. Yet many relationships are torn apart by conflict because you look to the other or others to change so you can have what you want. It doesn’t work (just look at the world stage!) and it never will. Time for a different choice:

Declaration of Personal Responsibility for Relationships

I am responsible for loving and being loved.
I am responsible for expressing my truth and being heard.
I am responsible for being happy and experiencing joy in my life.
I am responsible for being safe in all aspects of my life.
I am responsible for being the best me I can be every day.
I am responsible for being respectful and being respected.
I am responsible for trusting and being trustworthy.
I am responsible for my own satisfaction and fulfilment.
I am responsible for giving and receiving.
I am responsible for ensuring all my needs are met.
I am responsible for everything I feel.
I am responsible for making time to nurture myself and my relationships.
I am responsible for my own sexuality and safe expression.
I am responsible for acknowledging my uniqueness and individuality.
I am responsible for my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing.
I am responsible for sharing myself and my experiences with others.
I am responsible for determining my own values and fulfilling them.
I am responsible for my own growth and development.
I am responsible for the effect that I cause in all my relationships.
I am responsible for everything in my life, my world and my universe.

You are responsible for the quality of all your relationships. When you take responsibility for yourself and how you show up in relationship to everyone and everything you are actively participating in creating a world at peace.

Judgement Is Repulsive!

2006-07-15T00:00:00.000+10:00

A few weeks ago, I turned 50 and was showered with acknowledgment, love, flowers, well wishes and beautiful gifts, one of which was a gorgeous silver ring from Tiffany & Co. When I opened the blue box I was in raptures! It was perfect. - perfect shape and design and although a little loose, I wore it anyway. (You probably know what’s coming…) Five days later, it slipped off my finger and when I realised it was gone I had a brief moment of certainly it somewhere in my house then the self-judgement started: “stupid”; “irresponsible”; etc and things got very ugly and very stressful.

With the old paradigm “not good enough” running the show, I frantically searched everywhere. No ring. I tossed and turned through the night and the next day I asked a colleague for some support. He helped me see that I was agreeing with my self-condemnation (not good enough again!!), that (obviously) I had become attached to the ring yet had not really let myself “have” it; and that the whole truth included that I wore the ring when it was loose because I loved it and wanted to enjoy it (not that I was “just stupid and irresponsible”)!

It took a while to process all my feelings and become aware of the whole. And then I got it: every time I judge myself (and others) I push away. When I remember I am responsible, that I am “cause”, that everything is always happening perfectly, when I accept and let go, things shift. When I accept rather than judge I feel at peace.

Two days later I spotted the ring under my bed (where I had searched before!) and I let myself fully receive it. And yesterday I took it back to Tiffany where it is being resized!

You’re Overreacting!

2006-07-01T00:00:00.000+10:00

How you are never upset for the reason you think you are.

Overreacting. You know what I mean. That moment when someone says or does something or something happens and you find yourself in the midst of an intense, overpowering, emotionally, charged full-blown reaction! A reaction that seems disproportionate to the situation – yup, you’re overreacting!

Have you ever wondered why it’s called overreacting?

Because you are reacting to something from the past, to something that is over. Reacting now as if it’s happening again - reacting now to something that is as over as yesterday yet you are still emotionally attached to it. That’s why you over-react. Because you have not yet fully responded to (or released) whatever it was in the past, the subconscious memory of which is being triggered in the present and – wham! The emotional maelstrom starts.

So next time you find yourself overreacting, ask yourself “What’s really going on here?”; “What does this really mean to me?”; “When have I felt like this before?” and listen to yourself. You’ll know when you get to the source of your upset, and then you can respond – this means acknowledging what’s really upsetting you, dealing with it and letting it go. Respond, release and move on.

You'll Never Get To Be Good Enough

2006-06-15T00:00:00.000+10:00

So you might was well stop trying.

Your pre-occupation with doing more and doing better so you’ll feel good enough is driven by the false belief that who you are is not good enough…yet. You think you’ll get to be good enough one-day-some-day-when you do and/or have whatever it is you think you need to do/have to be ok. You hope that by doing enough, doing more, doing better, one day you’ll somehow feel good enough ie: valuable, worthy, loved, supported, cared for, recognised etc. And then you’ll be ok, you’ll feel ok.

That day never comes! Feeling good enough is fleeting at best because the context you are operating from – that who you are is not good enough, not really lovable and valuable - is a lie. It’s not true and you can choose to let it go and accept a new belief anytime you choose.

The truth is that who you are is magnificent, loving, powerful and creative. That’s who you are. And what you do is simply what you do. Who you are is lovable and valuable simply because you are. Your intrinsic value has nothing to do with what you do or don’t do. What you do relates to your growth but not your value. Your value is assured because you are you. When you accept the truth about who you are, rather than continually “trying to be good enough”, you’ll “get better” naturally.

You’ll never get to be good enough because who you are is, always has been and always will be completely perfect. Now isn’t that a relief?

Death Is Hard For The Living

2006-06-01T00:00:00.000+10:00

One of my dearest friends died a few weeks ago. When it came, it was quick though not completely unexpected. For her I am glad. She is free from the pain of her body and I know she is at peace. It’s hard for those of us still living as we have the human stuff to deal with - the memories and thoughts and feelings and emotions – the process of letting go and grieving.

Saying goodbye takes longer than leaving and right now I feel as if it will continue for evermore. I also know that this is a process and I always have a choice about how I feel and how I deal with this powerful event in my life. As well, I feel no need to hurry up and “get over it” or “get on with it” and am really focussing on being ok with where I am right now. As I ride the waves of grief, sometimes gentle and soft, at other times huge and harsh, I have been amazed by the force of my feelings and emotions, uncomfortable with how quickly I am in the middle of a huge wave with tears spilling and my heart squeezed tight. It’s as though the whole of my life is condensed into a few moments of this feeling experience and there is nothing else. Nothing else to do but to ride the wave and allow – no assistance, no resistance, allow, allow, allow. As I allow myself to move toward the feelings and be where I am at any given moment, I experience the peace that comes as each wave ebbs and then flows again. And I am very glad that I learned more about how to be fully present in the last few months of Deb’s life – at least when I was with her. I have no regrets where our relationship is concerned, nothing left unsaid, nothing left undone. And through it all, I am receiving support like never before. I feel completely embraced by compassion, comfort, kindness, care and simple acts of friendship everyday – more than I could possibly list here. I am deeply grateful for the outpouring of love I constantly receive via the phone, email, mail and in person. Thank you all, it makes a huge difference.

Nothing Is Certain

2006-05-01T00:00:00.000+10:00

(Before you read on, take a moment to acknowledge how you are feeling)

Nothing is ever certain, except change … In fact, the only think you can be certain of, is change. This doesn’t mean you have no choice, in fact you have lots of choices in the context of change. You can choose what to change and do something wilfully to make it change. You can choose to fight change and hang onto the past, the way it was with the relentless ‘woulda-coulda-shoulda” conversation in your head. You resign yourself to change and tell yourself you have or had “no choice”. You can accept change “and make the best of it”. All stress making options! Or you can simply be here now, in this present moment, enjoying whatever is so for you, safe in the knowing that everything will change … eventually. And it will keep changing - no matter what you do (or don’t do) and no matter how you feel!

Change must occur for life to go on. No matter what you think, feel, know, do or not do, change is inevitable. So relax, enjoy this moment because it will not come again. See it’s already changed! (Check in again, how do you feel right now?) I bet it’s changed too!

2006-04-01T00:00:00.000+11:00

Welcome to the first issue of Fundamentals*, a regular newsletter to remind you how to create profound fundamental shifts in your communication and relationships. I say remind because somewhere inside you, you already know. My intention is to provoke your thinking, stimulate your awareness and help you remember what you already know so you can make whatever fundamental shifts you choose. And when you make a fundamental shift - it sticks.

You Are A Liar

Calm down, I am not attacking you, I am merely stating a truth … well … that’s not entirely accurate. It would be more precise to say: You lie. In fact, everybody lies. Not necessarily with malice and a conscious desire to deceive but rather you lie unconsciously and sometimes unintentionally. You probably think you are honest and you probably accept that others are honest too. Yet what I know about human beings (myself included) is that we all lie, sometimes. And mostly what we lie about is how we are feeling.

Not communicating your feelings causes more problems in relationships than any other single thing. Think about it. Not acknowledging your feelings is a form of lying called withholding. If you do not acknowledge the whole truth when you are communicating ie: what you are thinking, what’s going on (the stuff) AND what you are feeling, then the other person cannot give you a whole and satisfying response. You can transform your relationships by including what you are feeling when you communicate.

How are you feeling right now? Chances are you will answer in one of three ways:

You will tell me what you are thinking - eg: “I’m wondering what’s the right answer?”
You will tell me the stuff that’s going on - eg: “I am really busy and having a few problems with my staff …”
You will tell me what you have concluded about what you are feeling - eg: “I feel great/good/fine/ok/not bad/flat/down/upbeat/positive/negative … etc”

All of these responses come from the chatter in your head and they are not feelings. Feelings occur in your body. That’s where you feel things. So check in with your body. Right now, close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask yourself: “So what am I feeling right now?” Answer the question with a feeling/emotional word - eg “I am feeling happy/sad/anxious/ frustrated/calm/excited etc.” The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

So the next time someone asks: “How are you?” or “What’s going on?” included the truth of how you are feeling in your response - you’ll be glad you did.

*Explicit Concepts was called Fundamentals for Issue 1

Explicit Concepts

Let Go ... or ... Go!

If You Don't Ask … You Don't Get!

Who or What Are You In Relationship With?

Feeling Stuck

Before You Communicate Anything

Are You Confronted By Confrontation?

Where Are You Leading? A Letter To ALL Leaders

Let The Healing Continue

Investing In Consciousness

Everything IS Connected

Response-Ability & Freedom

We Are Family

Joy To The World

Being Safe Is Not a Feeling

People Behaving "Badly"

The Biggest Lie

How To Listen

No Regrets

What Did You Expect?

Asking For Help

Being Grounded!

The Power of Conflict

Getting Better Is Not An Option

Stop It!

Another Change in Leadership

Sharing The Love

Being

Change Is Constant

Don't Be So Greedy With Your Giving!

Letting Go

Are You Tuned In?

What Are You Resisting?

Who’s Really Judging You?

Stop Trying To Change The World!

What Happens When You Go Deeper?

Love Your Discomfort – Its Helping You Grow!

What Are You Grateful For?

There Is Enough!

What Have You Been Investing In?

Mind Your Head!

Do You Sweat The Small Stuff?

I Create The (W)hole Of My Own Reality

The Waiting Game

Pay Attention!

The Truth About Your Judgements!

Let The Healing Begin

Choosing Peace

Jerry Seinfeld’s 3 Rules For Life

1. “Bust Your Ass”

2. “Pay Attention”

3. “Fall In Love”

Give It Up!

Are You Up-To-Date?

When Fear Comes To Town

Just Say Yes!

Are You Missing The Point?

Who Are You?

Have You Got The Secret?

What You Do Doesn't Matter

Are You Pressure Sensitive?

You’ll Always Get What You Know You Will!

What Aren’t You Saying?

Recommended Reading List

Are You Giving Fear or Love?

Who Says It Has To Be Done By Christmas?

Are You Being With It Or Agreeing With It?

Can You Really Handle 100% Truth?

Self-Doubt Is A Traitor!

What Are You Responsible For?

Judgement Is Repulsive!

You’re Overreacting!

You'll Never Get To Be Good Enough

Death Is Hard For The Living

Nothing Is Certain

You Are A Liar