Recently I became aware of an insidious habit I had developed from fear -specifically my need to control. Another old paradigm habit to let go of!
It came to light when my mother, sister and niece came to stay recently. In their desire to help and support me while visiting – I was working for a lot of the time, they kept asking if there was anything they could do for me, like shopping when they were out and about or sweeping the kitchen floor or tidying up. Small things that can make a big difference, if I let it!
I found myself feeling agitated and on automatic response (reaction!): “No, thanks, I’m fine, don’t worry about it” I would say. Then I began to notice how my response was received. They were disappointed. I thought I was “sparing’ them from having to do stuff for me, stuff I am perfectly capable of doing all by myself and for myself, as I do most of the time. I then realised that my automatic push away of their desire to give something to me succeeded in communicating the exact opposite of what I consciously intended.
I knew there was more to this dynamic for me than I was conscious of, so I reflected on my behaviour and asked myself this question: “What is going on underneath this? What is this really about for you?” I decided to simply observe the conversation in my head without any judgement (positive or negative) and see what came up. And I got it: my fear of others’ feeling obliged to do things for me, my reluctance to receive something I feel I haven’t “earned” is directly connected to my not good enough stuff . And it’s simply not the truth about me (or any of us), it’s an old habit that I can choose to let go of. When I got this, my energy shifted and I felt more peaceful.
Just before my family left, I started saying “yes” to their requests to help me. I felt happy and so did they!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I say yes! to life and life says yes! to me."
Louise L Hay
Posts
