Have you been on the receiving end of this sort of communication and ended up feeling persecuted judged and condemned ... not to mention confused. After all, if a family member, friend or close colleague is delivering the feedback in the spirit of open and honest communication then surely you are the one responsible for feeling judged ... aren’t you?
The short answer is - as with all things in the paradigm of cause - “yes”. You are 100% responsible for creating the feedback and you are 100% responsible for whatever you choose it means and thus what you choose to feel about it. AND you are also responsible for buying into the lie inherent in “no judgement ... but ...” because the very act of saying it ensures that is exactly what will occur.
Chances are you have also been the one saying those words (or something similar) ... and then proceeded to vomit your judgement and opinion all over the other ... once again in the spirit of truth.
What a load of rubbish!
Your judgements and opinions are not facts ... they are not “truth”. The only truth that is occurring is the truth that you are judging and forming opinions about something or someone. Broadcasting your judgemental truth is not the key to open and honest communication ... in fact it often leads to defensive interactions and conflict.
The key to open and honest communication is you being willing to own your judgements and your opinions and realise they are really about you not about the other.
Once you see that you are the one choosing to judge, you can respond to whatever it is about for you and then have the open and honest conversation you need to have, free of your judgements masquerading as truth.
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"When one experiences truth, the madness of finding fault with others disappears."
S. N. Goenka
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1 comment:
Timely, Lorna, on a day when the Attorney General's putting out proposed changes to Racial Vilification laws that would shrink the definition of intimidation to mean only physical intimidation (and not mental intimidation, threat of losing your job etc) that people experience every day.
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