19 November 2013

Tough Talk

Lately I have encountered many people with the same concern ...
How to have a tough/difficult/confronting conversation without any upset/anger/push-back etc.
Well the simple truth is ... you can’t.

Having a tough or difficult conversation is just that because of how you feel ...
And because you don’t want to feel the feelings and you don’t want the other (or others) to feel them either, you go along NOT confronting the issue/situation all the while feeling strongly that which you want to avoid!

There is no short-cut here or way to side-step the emotional reality of conflict. Conflict is emotionally challenging and the most effective thing you can do is accept that feelings will be felt and expressed - and that’s ok. Feelings won’t kill you, feeling the things that are uncomfortable leads you to see what you make things mean and how you can change if you choose. Feelings are not facts; they are simply feelings and they let you know how you feel ... which is why you are experiencing/addressing a conflict in the first place.

So take a deep breath ... remember that you (and they) are ok, lovable and valuable (even though you feel anything but that) and be willing to acknowledge the feelings as well as the ‘facts’ in the communication.

It may get messy and yes, you probably will feel vulnerable and exposed ... and if you detach from making any of it a personal attack, remember that who you are is love, communicate CONTEXT first then content, keep breathing and allow the emotional energy to be expressed and released ... you will get to peace and harmony.

"Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict."

William Ellery Channing

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