11 August 2015

Giving Can Be Hard To Take

As a child, I was told that it’s better to give than to receive and at the same time I was also told I must be grateful and thankful when given to ... no matter how I felt about the “gift” or the giver.

The resultant confusion stemming from this childhood conditioning set-up a belief pattern in me that said giving is ok (and it feels good) but taking (receiving) really is not (and it feels uncomfortable).

Every time someone acknowledged me, I felt an immediate need to push back, give something in return and avoid letting myself fully receive. I was always keen to be the first to offer help; to pick up the tab for coffee or a meal; to give happily whenever I saw an opportunity. What I didn’t realise was that my need to be the “giver” left very little space for anyone to truly give to me. My reluctance to “take” was preventing others the joy of giving to me.

I realised (once again) this was my fearful ego-mind fuelling the notion that I didn’t deserve it or hadn’t worked hard enough/done enough/given enough to really be worthy of being given to. The old not-good-enough stuff ... again!!

So I chose to learn how to truly give and receive. I decided to simply say thank you when someone offered to pay for the coffee, to say thank you when someone gave me something ... an acknowledgement, some help, advice or a gaily wrapped package! I also chose to respond to the feelings that arise, to acknowledge my “childish” reactions and allow the feelings to release without having to give in to the story and the drama over and over. It’s not easy ... I still have times when I feel uncomfortable receiving. And when I do, I stop and take a deep breath and remind myself ... it’s a feeling, not a fact ... let it go ... and let myself receive anyway.

There is no real giving without receiving. Two sides of the same coin and when one side is missing ... there is no integrity ... no wholeness. 

So the next time someone gives you something ... say thank you. In that you will know the joy of receiving which is a gift to the giver.

"Don’t be so greedy with your giving ..."


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