15 June 2006

You'll Never Get To Be Good Enough

So you might was well stop trying.

Your pre-occupation with doing more and doing better so you’ll feel good enough is driven by the false belief that who you are is not good enough…yet. You think you’ll get to be good enough one-day-some-day-when you do and/or have whatever it is you think you need to do/have to be ok. You hope that by doing enough, doing more, doing better, one day you’ll somehow feel good enough ie: valuable, worthy, loved, supported, cared for, recognised etc. And then you’ll be ok, you’ll feel ok.

That day never comes! Feeling good enough is fleeting at best because the context you are operating from – that who you are is not good enough, not really lovable and valuable - is a lie. It’s not true and you can choose to let it go and accept a new belief anytime you choose.

The truth is that who you are is magnificent, loving, powerful and creative. That’s who you are. And what you do is simply what you do. Who you are is lovable and valuable simply because you are. Your intrinsic value has nothing to do with what you do or don’t do. What you do relates to your growth but not your value. Your value is assured because you are you. When you accept the truth about who you are, rather than continually “trying to be good enough”, you’ll “get better” naturally.

You’ll never get to be good enough because who you are is, always has been and always will be completely perfect. Now isn’t that a relief?

01 June 2006

Death Is Hard For The Living

One of my dearest friends died a few weeks ago. When it came, it was quick though not completely unexpected. For her I am glad. She is free from the pain of her body and I know she is at peace. It’s hard for those of us still living as we have the human stuff to deal with - the memories and thoughts and feelings and emotions – the process of letting go and grieving.

Saying goodbye takes longer than leaving and right now I feel as if it will continue for evermore. I also know that this is a process and I always have a choice about how I feel and how I deal with this powerful event in my life. As well, I feel no need to hurry up and “get over it” or “get on with it” and am really focussing on being ok with where I am right now. As I ride the waves of grief, sometimes gentle and soft, at other times huge and harsh, I have been amazed by the force of my feelings and emotions, uncomfortable with how quickly I am in the middle of a huge wave with tears spilling and my heart squeezed tight. It’s as though the whole of my life is condensed into a few moments of this feeling experience and there is nothing else. Nothing else to do but to ride the wave and allow – no assistance, no resistance, allow, allow, allow. As I allow myself to move toward the feelings and be where I am at any given moment, I experience the peace that comes as each wave ebbs and then flows again. And I am very glad that I learned more about how to be fully present in the last few months of Deb’s life – at least when I was with her. I have no regrets where our relationship is concerned, nothing left unsaid, nothing left undone. And through it all, I am receiving support like never before. I feel completely embraced by compassion, comfort, kindness, care and simple acts of friendship everyday – more than I could possibly list here. I am deeply grateful for the outpouring of love I constantly receive via the phone, email, mail and in person. Thank you all, it makes a huge difference.