Choosing Peace

According to the Gregorian Calendar we use in our culture, it’s a “new year” and the habit of many is to make resolutions, plans, goals and lists of things to do in the coming 12 months. And as anecdotal evidence suggests, the majority of resolutions, plans and goals fall by the wayside before too long.

Some years ago, I realised I was making mostly content based resolutions every new year out of habit and a sense that “I should”. I also noticed I became very attached to them as a way of measuring my worth and value. This strategy did not ever deliver what I had hoped for which was to simply experience myself as lovable, valuable and ok, no matter what was going on.

So I decided to let go of my “lists of shoulds” and start each year by choosing a personal context that supports whatever I am choosing to do rather than focusing on all the content issues and “stuff” to resolve or do or achieve.

This year I choose the context of peace. I choose to experience deep, unshakeable inner peace no matter what’s going on inside or outside of me. What this requires is my willingness to BE peaceful, to detach from personalising everything from my ego’s view, even when there is temptation all around me to get plugged in and react. Not easy.

As the integrity of our human process dictates, as soon as I chose peace I began to experience lots of “not peace”! A friend’s dog nipped my toe; a man honked and glared at me in the traffic; the builder across the road brought in a rock-breaker going hell-for-leather hour upon hour, etc. I could react and get stressed or I could choose peace. Again, not always easy and certainly I had some moments of strong feelings and reactions, yet as soon as I reconnected with my context of peace I returned to being peaceful and things began to change without any effort or stress on my part. That’s peace.

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"I could choose peace instead of this"

A Course in Miracles

Jerry Seinfeld’s 3 Rules For Life

When I heard Jerry Seinfeld talk about his “3 Rules For Life” (he was in Australia recently) I was inspired by his deeper distinctions. Now you get to read my interpretation of what he communicated: Enjoy!

1. “Bust Your Ass”

This particularly American turn of phrase that could be interpreted as simply “go hard” and do the most you can do. However I believe if you look deeper it actually holds a key to peace and joy no matter what’s going on. In the context of “I create the whole of my own reality” it also means to get fully involved, it means putting your whole self fully into whatever choices you are making and fully experiencing whatever you experience. It means responding from your whole self and being fully present.

2. “Pay Attention”

Again, this often heard phrase (particularly in relation to school!) could be interpreted to mean simply “stop day dreaming and get with it” and in one way that’s spot on. And it says, “wake up!”, become aware of what’s really going on, the whole of what’s occurring, not just what’s obvious. It means get connected in consciousness with the world around you and the people in it and notice what’s really happening. It means invest yourself in the moment and be here now.

3. “Fall In Love”

The most obvious interpretation is “…with that special someone…” and a deeper cut allows you to see the fullest application of this cool rule in all of your life. Enjoy every moment, fully and completely. Savour every experience and when you have a peak experience, acknowledge it, revel in it and celebrate no matter what it is. Jerry Seinfeld cited having “…a GREAT cup of coffee..” and letting everyone around you know how you are feeling: “ I am having a GREAT cup of coffee right now!” Simple and powerful.

As 2007 draws to a close, remember these 3 simple rules and enjoy the festive season however you choose to celebrate. It has been a wonderful year for me in every way and I am so grateful to be me, here now, living the life I choose. I am blessed to have so many friends, advocates, supporters and mates. Thank you.

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"It’s a great life if you don’t reason"

Florence Scovel Shinn (1928)

Give It Up!

Until you give up judgement (right/wrong; good/bad; negative/positive) as the default setting for your internal (and often external) communication, you will continue to experience yourself as not safe to be who you really are. You will experience others as attacking you when you do not agree and you will experience hurting yourself with your constant internal conversations full of judgements (of self and others) that keep you stuck in the loop of feeling varying levels of “not good enough” and needing to prove that you are.

When you let go of self-condemnation, self-blame, self-bashing and self-doubt (all judgement based), when you accept that whatever has occurred in the past is in the past (i.e. it’s over!!) and you let go of needing/wishing/hoping it woulda/coulda/shoulda been different - you open yourself to hear and receive love from everywhere and everyone. It’s quite remarkable how much space gets created when you let go of using your “not-good-enough” stuff as your primary reference filter and choose instead to accept and acknowledge the truth about who you really are – “the most magnificent being ever created” – as your only reference point.

Its time to give up your “not good enough” story, time to step-up and really own the truth about you really are – the creator of the whole of your own reality - powerful beyond measure, perfectly you, right here, right now – able to show up as “the most magnificent version of the greatest vision” you have ever had about yourself. Choose to remember that you are ok (and so is everyone else), that you are inherently loving energy (and so is everyone else) and whatever it looks like, whatever you feel – if you seek to connect with the loving intention in every situation, interaction and conversation – you will find it – and yourself.

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"…judge not, and neither condemn, for you know not why a thing occurs or to what end."

Conversations with God 1, Neale Donald Walsch

Are You Up-To-Date?

I’ve just returned from London after delivering some workshops and catching-up with lots of people, some of whom I haven’t seen for several years. On the flight over I became aware that I was feeling quite anxious. I told myself "… it’s to be expected … you’re traveling far away from home, meeting new people … just let go, get off it, calm down, relax" … blah, blah blah …

A few days (and a few challenging experiences) later, I noticed I was feeling even more anxious and now I was also feeling angry. Clearly telling myself to "just let go and get off it" was not working.

I vented to a friend then decided to sit with the feelings and let myself be. I realised that I was reacting to old stories, old pictures and old stuff still running in my head - stuff that had happened in the past - stuff that was not actually going on right now … except I continued to create it and recreate it inside me. I realised I could keep choosing to create my now based on the past or I could choose to get up-to-date, to take a fresh look at the people and situations I was experiencing right now and choose a different reality now, free from the past.

I chose to take a fresh look, to listen with clean filters, to remember that every person I encounter is a magnificent, loving, creative being - as am I - irrespective of what shows up and all I need is to be here now, in this moment, freely choosing this moment, right now.

Over the next three weeks I had the most wonderful time. I loved every moment of my time away, I made new friends, deepened connections with others and experienced the joy of being here now, choosing fresh and clean, right here, right now. I recommend it.

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"Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now … if the past can’t prevent you from being present, what power does it have?"

Eckhart Tolle

When Fear Comes To Town

Fear came to town this week in a very obvious way! A five kilometre steel fence in the Sydney CBD a stark reminder that when fear is the pervasive paradigm, there are few choices but to manage, protect and defend. A false sense of security if ever there was one!

The jangly energy in this city is palpable. People are feeling frustrated, angry, annoyed, fed-up and more than a little anxious. Grid-locked traffic and “exclusion” zones all contribute to the mounting tension. Driving around today, I was struck by how many police are out and about – in cars, on roadways, on bridges, atop buildings, on the harbour and in the air - their intention to “guard” and “protect” – to help us all feel safe. Interestingly (and more to the point, obviously!) it’s not working. The very things that have been put in place in the name of “security” are having the opposite effect. People are feeling more and more stressed as our fear manifests in angry outbursts, frustration on the roads and in our cars, impatience with people and things that are not going how we think they should and making ourselves sick.

So what do we do?

Well, the first thing to become aware of is that we cannot resolve the paradigm of fear from within a paradigm of fear! Putting up more and more barriers, pushing and resisting and focusing on “trying to change” the external reality will never deliver lasting peace. What’s needed is a change of context, a paradigm shift from fear to love.

If you really want to live in peace, you need to be willing to go deep within yourself and allow the essential love that is you to lead the way. To remember who you really are and to consciously (mindfully) choose to be who you are moment by moment, irrespective of whatever is occurring outside of you. This does not mean denying or ignoring your external world and it does mean to centre yourself in love (who you really are) while making choices about how to respond.

When fear comes to town choose greet it with love and watch what happens.

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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

Marianne Williamson

Just Say Yes!

Recently I became aware of an insidious habit I had developed from fear -specifically my need to control. Another old paradigm habit to let go of!

It came to light when my mother, sister and niece came to stay recently. In their desire to help and support me while visiting – I was working for a lot of the time, they kept asking if there was anything they could do for me, like shopping when they were out and about or sweeping the kitchen floor or tidying up. Small things that can make a big difference, if I let it!

I found myself feeling agitated and on automatic response (reaction!): “No, thanks, I’m fine, don’t worry about it” I would say. Then I began to notice how my response was received. They were disappointed. I thought I was “sparing’ them from having to do stuff for me, stuff I am perfectly capable of doing all by myself and for myself, as I do most of the time. I then realised that my automatic push away of their desire to give something to me succeeded in communicating the exact opposite of what I consciously intended.

I knew there was more to this dynamic for me than I was conscious of, so I reflected on my behaviour and asked myself this question: “What is going on underneath this? What is this really about for you?” I decided to simply observe the conversation in my head without any judgement (positive or negative) and see what came up. And I got it: my fear of others’ feeling obliged to do things for me, my reluctance to receive something I feel I haven’t “earned” is directly connected to my not good enough stuff . And it’s simply not the truth about me (or any of us), it’s an old habit that I can choose to let go of. When I got this, my energy shifted and I felt more peaceful.

Just before my family left, I started saying “yes” to their requests to help me. I felt happy and so did they!

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"I say yes! to life and life says yes! to me."

Louise L Hay

Are You Missing The Point?

Imagine communication is like a spear. It can be long or short, blunt or sharp and when you get ready to throw it, how long a run up you take is up to you. As you go through your life using this tool more and more, the better you get at aiming it not only in the right direction and at the right person, but also to hit the mark more and more often.

Yet with some people and in some situations, no matter how hard you try, you just keep missing the point or the point misses you! So what’s going on?

Well, the word communication literally means “to share” so when things are going pear-shaped it pays to become conscious of what you are actually sharing. Effective communication is not achieved through voicing the edited default newsreel of events and “he said, she said” that makes up the noise in our heads. The constant “blah, blah, blah” that goes on within us and without us is not the stuff that really hits the mark. Effective communication occurs when what you intended the other to get, they got and you got that they got it!

Communication occurs from the whole of you – mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. And whether you are aware of it or not, you are always communicating something. So becoming conscious of what you are actually communicating (and what you are not) is akin to sharpening and honing your spear so you can throw it further, faster and more accurately the next time.

Start by taking responsibility for ALL of what you give and ALL of what you receive in every interaction. Pay attention to the feedback and if you find yourself reacting to what comes back ask yourself: “What have I made this response mean to me? Why am I getting so angry/upset/defensive etc. about it? What’s going on inside me?” The answers to any one of those questions will lead you to the sharp, pointy end of the communication – the stuff that when shared, changes everything.

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"The meaning of your communication is the response you get."

John Grinder & Richard Bandler