Who Says It Has To Be Done By Christmas?

that time of year again. The summer holiday season is fast approaching here in Australia and a Christmas/New Year holiday break is integral to many Western Cultures across the world. A time of “good cheer and goodwill towards men” is often seen as the finish line to reach before falling in a heap and having a “break”… until next year. Whether it’s meeting a deadline, catching-up with friends and family, achieving a sales budget or cleaning out the office – this arbitrary deadline can have you feeling stressed and under pressure to “get everything done before Christmas”. Not to mention all the extra energy needed to do all the things that have to be done for the holiday season.

Say’s who? When did this time become any more urgent or important than any other? Granted the whole “end of the year” thing is a convenient marker for letting go and starting fresh. And if that’s how you choose to view it and choose to use the start of the year to start something new for you, go for it. At the same time you could also choose to stop for a moment, take a breath and relax…that’s right… R…E…L…A…X. You can choose to have this “time of year” be as peaceful and flowing and productive and nurturing as any other. It’s your choice. You can choose to agree that time is the arbiter or you can choose to remember that you are!

So the next time you find yourself thinking/feeling “it has to be done by Christmas” ask yourself…”says who?’ and then choose.

Are You Being With It Or Agreeing With It?

Whatever is happening you always have a choice – you can be with it or you can agree with it and your next experience will occur out of the choice you make.

Agreeing with it means you engage in the seductive dance of deciding things mean what you think they mean out of judging and evaluating what occurs according to your past-infused beliefs about good and bad, right and wrong, ok and not ok. When you agree with it, you get stuck with it. It feels “really real” so the next urge usually is to “fight it” or “flee from it”. Struggle with it, work at it, or bury your head in the sand and enjoy a little denial. And the kicker – reacting, behaving and/or acting out of what you agreed is true from your judgement like it’s really real! Whew! When you agree with it, the game becomes fight or flight – and not much choice.

When you choose to be with whatever is going on, you will experience more peace and joy in the process of being and allowing and accepting. Energy flows and things change just in the process of life itself. Being with it means that you accept who you are as “cause” of your reality, it means accepting that whatever is occurring is how it is and allowing all the thoughts and feelings without doing anything about any of it and accepting the perfection inherent in this moment. Acceptance means the willingness to be with it rather than wanting to, having to, needing to change it, alter it or do something about it. When you be with it, energy flows.

So when something occurs, accept it, allow it, be with it and inevitably, something else will be.

Can You Really Handle 100% Truth?

What would the world be like if everyone told the truth? I mean 100% of the truth, 100% of the time, 100% of everyone...what would it be like? I personally think it would be great – eventually. With all truth on the table there would be nothing to fear. Imagine that!

However, the pervasive paradigm we live in says: “It’s a nice ideal BUT you can’t really tell the truth 100% of the time about 100% of everything to 100% of everyone. It’s good to be honest but sometimes you have to lie (withhold, deny, pretend, not say anything) or people would be saying things and hearing things that may hurt or cause conflict or outright aggression etc.”

And there you have it. The reason you can’t handle 100% truth is two-fold: you have decided that others can’t handle it (because of what they might feel) and the real kicker - you are scared of what you might feel. As long as you stay scared of what everyone might feel, as long as you continue to react to another’s truth as if it is a personal attack the game of “I am open and honest….(except when I’m not)’ will continue. And not much will shift.

So next time you have an opportunity to really be open and honest - open up your heart (not just your head) and connect with 100% truth: the “stuff” that’s going on, your feelings and what you know - then communicate (give and receive) from love (rather than fear) and respond to whatever comes up and keep responding until you feel the energy shift – and it will when you go for 100%.

Self-Doubt Is A Traitor!

“Our doubts are traitors that make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt,” William Shakespeare

When I first came across this quote it struck a deep chord within me. The idea that “doubts are traitors” made me realise that every time I get a clear, intuitive or gut response to say “yes” to something, I “win the good” when I take the leap of faith and choose before I know what’s going to happen. And when I doubt myself and what I know, when I decide to question what I am saying “yes” to, I am betraying my own magnificent self and what is possible for me and I “…lose the good…by fearing to attempt”.

Think about it. Whenever you get a clear signal to say “yes” to something and act before you think too much, I bet things work out better than you could have ever planned. Yet when you get a clear “yes” and rather than acting on it, you distract yourself with in-depth analysis of the data and facts and pro’s and con’s and trying to work out all the angles (i.e. the “right” choice to make) – you end up stuck in confusion, indecision and endless wondering not only what to choose and what to do but also how it’s all going to occur and how you are going to handle it.

When you choose to go with your heart, gut, soul – whatever you call it - and act before you think too much, you will experience being in the flow of your life, being the “cause” of your reality rather than “at the effect” of it. And when you choose first and trust your ability to respond, the “how to” shows up in unexpected and delightful ways.

I invite you to say “yes” to something today - before you “think” about it too much - and see what happens!

What Are You Responsible For?

Every human being, irrespective of race, colour or creed, has the right to enjoy loving and nurturing relationships. Yet many relationships are torn apart by conflict because you look to the other or others to change so you can have what you want. It doesn’t work (just look at the world stage!) and it never will. Time for a different choice:

Declaration of Personal Responsibility for Relationships

1. I am responsible for loving and being loved.
2. I am responsible for expressing my truth and being heard.
3. I am responsible for being happy and experiencing joy in my life.
4. I am responsible for being safe in all aspects of my life.
5. I am responsible for being the best me I can be every day.
6. I am responsible for being respectful and being respected.
7. I am responsible for trusting and being trustworthy.
8. I am responsible for my own satisfaction and fulfilment.
9. I am responsible for giving and receiving.
10. I am responsible for ensuring all my needs are met.
11. I am responsible for everything I feel.
12. I am responsible for making time to nurture myself and my relationships.
13. I am responsible for my own sexuality and safe expression.
14. I am responsible for acknowledging my uniqueness and individuality.
15. I am responsible for my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing.
16. I am responsible for sharing myself and my experiences with others.
17. I am responsible for determining my own values and fulfilling them.
18. I am responsible for my own growth and development.
19. I am responsible for the effect that I cause in all my relationships.
20. I am responsible for everything in my life, my world and my universe.

You are responsible for the quality of all your relationships. When you take responsibility for yourself and how you show up in relationship to everyone and everything you are actively participating in creating a world at peace.

Judgement Is Repulsive!

A few weeks ago, I turned 50 and was showered with acknowledgment, love, flowers, well wishes and beautiful gifts, one of which was a gorgeous silver ring from Tiffany & Co. When I opened the blue box I was in raptures! It was perfect. - perfect shape and design and although a little loose, I wore it anyway. (You probably know what’s coming…) Five days later, it slipped off my finger and when I realised it was gone I had a brief moment of certainly it somewhere in my house then the self-judgement started: “stupid”; “irresponsible”; etc and things got very ugly and very stressful.

With the old paradigm “not good enough” running the show, I frantically searched everywhere. No ring. I tossed and turned through the night and the next day I asked a colleague for some support. He helped me see that I was agreeing with my self-condemnation (not good enough again!!), that (obviously) I had become attached to the ring yet had not really let myself “have” it; and that the whole truth included that I wore the ring when it was loose because I loved it and wanted to enjoy it (not that I was “just stupid and irresponsible”)!

It took a while to process all my feelings and become aware of the whole. And then I got it: every time I judge myself (and others) I push away. When I remember I am responsible, that I am “cause”, that everything is always happening perfectly, when I accept and let go, things shift. When I accept rather than judge I feel at peace.

Two days later I spotted the ring under my bed (where I had searched before!) and I let myself fully receive it. And yesterday I took it back to Tiffany where it is being resized!

You’re Overreacting!

How you are never upset for the reason you think you are.

Overreacting. You know what I mean. That moment when someone says or does something or something happens and you find yourself in the midst of an intense, overpowering, emotionally, charged full-blown reaction! A reaction that seems disproportionate to the situation – yup, you’re overreacting!

Have you ever wondered why it’s called overreacting?

Because you are reacting to something from the past, to something that is over. Reacting now as if it’s happening again - reacting now to something that is as over as yesterday yet you are still emotionally attached to it. That’s why you over-react. Because you have not yet fully responded to (or released) whatever it was in the past, the subconscious memory of which is being triggered in the present and – wham! The emotional maelstrom starts.

So next time you find yourself overreacting, ask yourself “What’s really going on here?”; “What does this really mean to me?”; “When have I felt like this before?” and listen to yourself. You’ll know when you get to the source of your upset, and then you can respond – this means acknowledging what’s really upsetting you, dealing with it and letting it go. Respond, release and move on.