When Giving Isn't

Well here we are again ... the end of another year and the festive season is upon us - a time of peace and joy and giving ...

Or is it?

Giving is a choice ... a choice to freely give means to let go and expect nothing in return ... and that is the sticking point because so much giving really isn't. At this time of year giving has become synonymous with giving stuff and along with it goes the stress and frustration of shopping and spending money and battling crowds of people all hell bent on giving stuff too. And not just giving stuff but giving more stuff we really don't need or want to those who really don't need or want it either!

As Christmas looms, I have found myself confronting some old beliefs about giving including the polarising adage "it's better to give than to receive", which in the paradigm of cause, is utterly ridiculous because it is not possible to give without receiving ... two sides of the same coin! I have become acutely aware that sometimes I make choices to "give" when really I am not! As soon as I realise I expect something in return, I am confronted by the truth that my "giving" is really a trade-off, a tit-for-tat reaction that has nothing to do with giving. I usually end up feeling disappointed, resentful and/or angry because the choice I am actually making is not about giving ... it's about being attached to a particular outcome as a result of my "giving". And it never works.

So this Yuletide I am making a different choice: To give me, not just stuff or things, but me, the whole and the all in every interaction, in every situation. To give freely the love that I am without expectation of anything particular in return. I know that something will be returned and my choice is to detach from any expectation of form and instead to receive with ease and grace whatever shows up.

Nothing like a challenge to kick-start 2013!

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"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give."

Kahlil Gibran

Feeling Stressed?

Much has been written about stress - what it is, indicators, why it occurs, how to manage it, etc - and when I started researching the many and varied definitions of stress I got 580,000,000 hits on my initial google search! Talk about stressful ... !

Yet with all the information and help available today, it would seem that we are more stressed than ever. According to some recent research here in Australia: “Young adults 18 to 25 years of age reported significantly higher levels of anxiety and depression than the general population.” (Ref: The Australian Psychological Society)

Other research done by Medibank tells us: “Australian employees are absent for an average of 3.2 working days each year through stress. This workplace stress costs the Australian economy approximately $14.81 billion.” (Ref: Medibank)

So what’s going on?

My take on all of this is that many people just don’t get the power and possibility of our own minds, hearts and souls to consciously, consistently and effectively respond to what’s really going on, moment by moment from love. We are so scared of what we really feel that we distract ourselves with all the “stuff’ going on outside us to avoid going within and dealing with our own fearful thinking and feelings.

Stress is not a feeling. It’s a convenient catch-bucket response to the question: “How are you going?” or “How are you feeling?” and that sums up the source of the problem ... your own thinking mind. If you are feeling “stressed” it’s because you keep agreeing with your infernal, internal, ego-mind that keeps you focused on the past (“remember when ...’) or projected into the future (“what if ...”) and there is no peace or joy in either location!

Time to move on. Let go of the past and the future and BE. HERE. NOW.

Stop and breathe ... and breathe ... and breathe.

Let yourself BE while you observe the thoughts and the feelings. Let the energy move through you rather than attach to you and breathe ... breathe ... breathe.

Keep breathing until you feel the energy shift ... it will and so will you.

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"If you do not go within, you go without."

Neale Donald Walsch

Enough Already!

This month I find myself sufficiently aroused and suitably fed-up to speak out and speak up so please stay with me as it’s a bit longer than the usual offering.

As taxpayers, our leaders and politicians at all levels are employed by me and by you... in fact all of us are their employer. To sit back and do nothing is to tacitly accept that this toxic political culture of persecutor/victim/rescuer wrapped in blame and shame is ok. If someone who worked directly for you was behaving the way our leaders from all spheres of influence are behaving would you keep them on the payroll? Or say: Enough!

Enough I say to all the leaders of influence in our great nation. Enough I say to our Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, to the Opposition Leader, Tony Abbott and every politician in this country; Enough I say to the media owners, journalists, broadcasters and reporters in all media forms and forums; Enough I say to Business Leaders and all persons of influence.

Enough of the immature personal attacks and bullying, enough of your ego-centric grandstanding and point scoring, enough of name calling and cruel remarks intended to personally wound and hurt; enough of your wounded inner 3 year old running the show ... enough, enough, enough!!!

I am sick of the game you are playing and I have yet to find anyone who thinks or feels that what is going on is ok. It’s not. The role models that you have become are nothing short of appalling ... and we all wonder why bullying in schoolyards, in cyber-space and in the workplace is so very common in 21st century Australia. Well take a good long hard look in the mirror ... the fish rots from the head down and as the heads of the various fish that make up this whale of a great island nation, you are rotting at a very fast pace.

I wonder if you have considered that your legacy may very well be that you were directly responsible for the transformation of our political and social paradigm from one of “A fair go for everyone, respect, loyalty and fair-dinkum mateship” to one of “Profit before people, spin before truth, deceit, betrayal, me before you and us against them”?

How sad you cannot see that what you are doing, out of your unconscious yet insidious fear of “not good enough yet”, is continuously making choices that are divisive, limiting and above all sourced in your ego-centric thinking far removed from love, compassion and kindness. You keep creating exactly the response you get out of what you give yet blame the other for being a mirror of your own thinking. You fail to see that you are the source of all the conflict and aggressive behaviour you experience and encounter. And as the source, you can choose to change your way of Being, thinking, feeling, and doing. Your humanity is slipping and it’s time to get real, open up, tell the truth and be responsible for the whole of what you are creating. Only you can choose and ... you can choose.

Time to do something different. Time for a personal paradigm shift from Fear to Love.

How about it Ms Gillard? Mr Abbott? Anyone? Are you up for it?  Have you got the heart to drop your masks and let go of needing to prove you are good enough, accept that you (and every other human being on our planet) are fundamentally ok. Accept that you are essentially love in a skin bag of unlimited choices and start consciously choosing to BE the most magnificent you that you can be while you do what you do from love. Choose to really and simply start leading from love and truth and kindness and responsibility for the whole of how you show up and what you do, for the whole of what you cause moment by moment and the people of this great country will join you and support you in ways you never dreamed of.

That’s what I am doing by writing this piece. Telling my truth about how it is for me. And I want you to know that I wholeheartedly support you to BE your most loving self. I see you beyond the fearful stuff you keep choosing to do and I know you can BE who you are. You can.

All it takes is a new choice, a first step, an honest, open conversation free from attack and “staying on message” and spin and deflection and bullying, one real moment of truth could just change everything ...

So, what are you going to do next? Who are you going to be from now on?

I’m going to hit the “send’ button.

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You Don't Understand ...

It can be frustrating to communicate something important and not be understood.
And just saying it louder, or slower doesn’t do much to increase understanding!

So when you feel you are not being heard or understood ...
ask yourself: “What am I NOT saying?”

Remember mis-understood is a myth!

Although it feels real ... “you don’t understand ... they just don’t get it” ... it is not. Whatever is understood is a direct result of what you have communicated (or not!). The response you get is showing you not only what you have communicated but also what you have not. The key to understanding and being understood lies in the reaction/response because in the absence of explicit meaning, everyone gives their own meaning to whatever is being communicated. Your reaction/response shows the meaning you are giving to what is being said. And so it is with everyone.

The response you get shows you what the other thinks/feels you meant and when you react to the feedback/response with: “But I didn’t mean it that way,” what you are showing yourself is what you didn’t say. You didn’t say what meaning you meant! When you allow the feedback/response to show you what you have communicated (and what’s missing), you can then respond in a way that makes clear what you meant to say.

If you want to be understood, communicate the context before you blah all the content and say what you mean: openly, honestly, clearly directly and completely. When you respond to whatever comes back from the context, you will get the response you want and you will experience being understood the way you meant.
 

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"Say what you mean to say."

John Mayer

Enough is Enough!

Enough of the constant noise of fear and anxiety and confusion ... in the world, in the street, in the office and in the home (and in our heads!)
Enough of our leaders behaving like children who won’t share or play nicely together
Enough of thinking that the world will get to be a place of peace and joy by continually fighting with each other and ourselves in the name of right!

Everywhere I go these days I am conscious of how much anxiety runs our lives and our world. Fear is the currency of power and control and polarity and we have created a world rich and abundant in fearful thinking, doing and feeling. Ever forgetful about who we are, we are convinced we are powerless to affect real change, we are scared of being powerful, magnificent, creative loving beings. Well enough is enough!

It’s time to step-up, show up and say enough of the illusion of fear, enough of being held hostage to the pervasive paradigm of power and control ... enough already.

The antidote to this insane way of being and doing and thinking and feeling is very simple ...

It comes down to LOVE.

Love as a context NOT as a romantic, idealised feeling state. Love is the whole of us all, the heart of each and every one of us and must be appreciated and acknowledged and lived as a moment by moment choice until it’s a solid habit.

Time to be and do and have and share love.

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"Love is nothing you can demonstrate or prove. It’s what you are."

Byron Katie

The Power Of Telling The Truth

There is great power in telling the truth. No matter what’s going on, when we tell the truth to ourselves and others we feel better, we are more engaged with people, we make better decisions and life becomes easier, less stressful and more joyful.

You can change anything when you tell the truth about it - anything at all. Yet we live in a world where pretending and lying and withholding and secrecy is accepted as normal, where many people are afraid to be open, honest and truthful and where many believe that what we keep from others rather than what we share is what makes life work - well it doesn’t. Avoiding the truth only increases our fear and helps create feelings of isolation.

The power of telling the truth lies in the simple fact that everyone knows what their truth actually is, even when it’s not overtly communicated. And each of us knows when we are not being completely open and honest with others. The ENERGY that we expend withholding is a false economy, an illusion – because everybody knows what’s really going on and we all know they know we know they know … The great cosmic joke! So, what actually stops you from being totally truthful/honest with everyone, about everything, all the time? Why do you withhold, omit information, embellish, exaggerate, fudge a little, or just plain lie? FEAR

Fear of the EMOTIONAL consequences, fear of how the other will react – fear of how they will feel and then how you will feel and then fear about what each will do as a result of saying what’s really going on.

Here’s the good news: it’s ok to feel scared and you can still tell the truth!

In fact the first truth to tell is whatever you are feeling in that moment about telling the truth! If you are feeling scared/anxious/nervous etc., say so. When you acknowledge your fear, it shifts and when you tell your WHOLE truth, there is definite shift in your energy. If this does not occur – you have not yet told ALL of your truth, so keep going! The energy shift, release, relief … will occur once the whole truth is acknowledged.

When you tell your whole truth – including what you are feeling – in the moment – the experience is liberating and freeing. When you are willing to take full responsibility for your truth - how you give it and how it is received – and respond – then you will know the extraordinary power of telling the truth.

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Positive & Negative Rubbish!

Ever said this to yourself: "I am going to think positive" or "I want to be more positive" or something along those lines? And you have probably experienced it's not sustainable and that's because ...
There's no such thing (really) as positive OR negative thinking ...
In fact NOthing is really positive or negative ... nothing!

Positive and negative are simply judgements that signal to the world your preferences, your likes and your dislikes. they are extremely, nay, completely subjective and as such are completely made up by you according to your model/map/filter of the world.

And as with all judgements they are Context dependent. In one context killing another human being is seen as negative while in another context killing another is seen as positive. So which one is the right one? Which reality is the real one?

Answer: Both and neither (love the paradox!)

The whole idea that "thinking positive" is better than "thinking negative" is simply more fuel for the not-good-enough fire that burns within. And your ego-mind will work hard to convince you that only focussing on one side of the polarity (positive please!) and separating what is actually whole, will bring lasting rewards ... it does not.

At best, all you really get is half the story, part of the experience, a bit of the whole. And unless you can accept, acknowledge and embrace the WHOLE nothing really changes.

The paradigm of ultimate cause, lasting peace and divine love says; I Create The WHOLE Of My Own Reality ... nothing to do with positive or negative ... just the whole, the all, everything. Yet when you persist in judging yourself, others and everything that occurs though a polarised filter of negative or positive, it's almost impossible to accept yourself as cause of the whole. Your fearful ego-mind will kick in and whisper (or shout!): "You couldn't have created this awful/terrible etc. thing ... you wouldn't create something like this!" and you will agree and nothing will really change.

When you detach from your insidious habit of judging everything you create as positive or negative, when you truly step into the space of BEING the one who chooses your WHOLE reality, when you accept whatever you have created as yours and respond rather than react out of your judgements, you will discover the joy and freedom and ease of creating the whole of your own reality from love.

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"Without the prior awareness that everything is one, whole, motionless, all our science and knowledge are going nowhere."

Peter Kingsley, Reality