25 September 2012

You Don't Understand ...

It can be frustrating to communicate something important and not be understood.
And just saying it louder, or slower doesn’t do much to increase understanding!

So when you feel you are not being heard or understood ...
ask yourself: “What am I NOT saying?”

Remember mis-understood is a myth!

Although it feels real ... “you don’t understand ... they just don’t get it” ... it is not. Whatever is understood is a direct result of what you have communicated (or not!). The response you get is showing you not only what you have communicated but also what you have not. The key to understanding and being understood lies in the reaction/response because in the absence of explicit meaning, everyone gives their own meaning to whatever is being communicated. Your reaction/response shows the meaning you are giving to what is being said. And so it is with everyone.

The response you get shows you what the other thinks/feels you meant and when you react to the feedback/response with: “But I didn’t mean it that way,” what you are showing yourself is what you didn’t say. You didn’t say what meaning you meant! When you allow the feedback/response to show you what you have communicated (and what’s missing), you can then respond in a way that makes clear what you meant to say.

If you want to be understood, communicate the context before you blah all the content and say what you mean: openly, honestly, clearly directly and completely. When you respond to whatever comes back from the context, you will get the response you want and you will experience being understood the way you meant.

"Say what you mean to say."
John Mayer

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