Just Say Yes!

Recently I became aware of an insidious habit I had developed from fear -specifically my need to control. Another old paradigm habit to let go of!

It came to light when my mother, sister and niece came to stay recently. In their desire to help and support me while visiting – I was working for a lot of the time, they kept asking if there was anything they could do for me, like shopping when they were out and about or sweeping the kitchen floor or tidying up. Small things that can make a big difference, if I let it!

I found myself feeling agitated and on automatic response (reaction!): “No, thanks, I’m fine, don’t worry about it” I would say. Then I began to notice how my response was received. They were disappointed. I thought I was “sparing’ them from having to do stuff for me, stuff I am perfectly capable of doing all by myself and for myself, as I do most of the time. I then realised that my automatic push away of their desire to give something to me succeeded in communicating the exact opposite of what I consciously intended.

I knew there was more to this dynamic for me than I was conscious of, so I reflected on my behaviour and asked myself this question: “What is going on underneath this? What is this really about for you?” I decided to simply observe the conversation in my head without any judgement (positive or negative) and see what came up. And I got it: my fear of others’ feeling obliged to do things for me, my reluctance to receive something I feel I haven’t “earned” is directly connected to my not good enough stuff . And it’s simply not the truth about me (or any of us), it’s an old habit that I can choose to let go of. When I got this, my energy shifted and I felt more peaceful.

Just before my family left, I started saying “yes” to their requests to help me. I felt happy and so did they!

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"I say yes! to life and life says yes! to me."

Louise L Hay

Are You Missing The Point?

Imagine communication is like a spear. It can be long or short, blunt or sharp and when you get ready to throw it, how long a run up you take is up to you. As you go through your life using this tool more and more, the better you get at aiming it not only in the right direction and at the right person, but also to hit the mark more and more often.

Yet with some people and in some situations, no matter how hard you try, you just keep missing the point or the point misses you! So what’s going on?

Well, the word communication literally means “to share” so when things are going pear-shaped it pays to become conscious of what you are actually sharing. Effective communication is not achieved through voicing the edited default newsreel of events and “he said, she said” that makes up the noise in our heads. The constant “blah, blah, blah” that goes on within us and without us is not the stuff that really hits the mark. Effective communication occurs when what you intended the other to get, they got and you got that they got it!

Communication occurs from the whole of you – mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. And whether you are aware of it or not, you are always communicating something. So becoming conscious of what you are actually communicating (and what you are not) is akin to sharpening and honing your spear so you can throw it further, faster and more accurately the next time.

Start by taking responsibility for ALL of what you give and ALL of what you receive in every interaction. Pay attention to the feedback and if you find yourself reacting to what comes back ask yourself: “What have I made this response mean to me? Why am I getting so angry/upset/defensive etc. about it? What’s going on inside me?” The answers to any one of those questions will lead you to the sharp, pointy end of the communication – the stuff that when shared, changes everything.

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"The meaning of your communication is the response you get."

John Grinder & Richard Bandler

Who Are You?

What answer came to mind when you read this? Do you know who you are? Or are you still wondering? Maybe you have drifted off into your story about who you think you are… or maybe you just don’t know…

So stop for a moment and take a breath… connect with yourself… get into your body…feel what your body fees like…notice what you are feeling emotionally right now…and breathe… notice what you are thinking about… and breathe…

Whatever you just experienced, none of it is WHO YOU ARE. All of your experience is filtered through the sensory, emotional, physical, mental and psychic abilities you possess as a human being. None of it is who you are. You are not your body, or your mind, or your feelings, or your thoughts or your ideas, or any of the “stuff” you may think…

Who you are is BEING able to choose - to be, to do and to have - anything. Anything you can imagine, you can choose. So what choices are you choosing consciously and what choices are simply automatic habits that you keep recycling over and over again?

You cannot BE the most magnificent you can be by continuing to agree with your fearful judgements and opinions about yourself and others. You cannot be happy, peaceful, joyful and fulfilled by continuing to choose anger, frustration, anxiety, worry, stress, misery and pain in reaction to whatever is happening. And continuing to do so will not get a different outcome!

Being the most magnificent you that you can be firstly requires a willingness to accept that you are magnificent. Really. Then you need to engage in the process of becoming aware of who you really are and what’s really possible when you choose to BE all that you are moment by moment. And when you choose to truly engage in your own process with the conscious intention of knowing who you really are and being all you can be, magic happens and life takes on a whole new dimension.

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"…if you knew Who You Are – that you are the most magnificent, the most remarkable, the most splendid being God has ever created – you would never fear… but you do not know Who You Are and you think you are a great deal less…"

Conversations with God Book 1 pp16

Have You Got The Secret?

There’s been a lot of publicity about “The Secret” in recent weeks. Newspaper opinion pieces, television exposes, send-ups and interviews, radio talk-back shows and internet chat rooms all abuzz with polarized viewpoints alternately attacking or defending what one Sydney psychologist dubbed “dangerous psychobabble”.

So what is “The Secret” and why is it causing so much controversy?

“The Secret” was originally produced as a television “documentary” which received very little exposure. When the DVD was released here in 2006 word spread like wildfire and everyone I met seemed to be talking about ”The Secret”.

When I watched it for the first time last year, my initial reaction was “here we go again - simplistic, re-hashed, positive thinking rhetoric”. However half-way through the DVD, I realised that although it lacked certain clear distinctions and some depth, its basic premise - “The Law Of Attraction” - is on point with the paradigm: I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality. What’s missing is the clear and unambiguous distinction that The Law Of Attraction is not confined only to that which you now decide you really want.

The Law Of Attraction is working ALL the time, in every moment. It is the endless flow of creative energy manifesting in a myriad of ways, activated by constant input from your thoughts, your feelings (emotions and sensory based), your intuition or “knowing” and your actions. Whatever you have ever experienced and are currently experiencing is a result of whatever you have chosen before this moment, i.e. whatever you are experiencing is what you have been “attracting to you”. The fact that much of what you “attract” is not what you consciously “want’ (or choose) does not nullify the law. All it means is that you have not been conscious of what you have actually been choosing. When you are willing to take responsibility for whatever shows up, to truly be “at cause” in the matter, you are free to respond however you choose and free to choose again. It really comes down to remembering you are connected to everyone and everything, that who you really are is loving, creative, powerful, and magnificent and that we are all one.
When you get this, you’ve got “The Secret”.

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"Any great idea, if not at first thought absurd,
hasn't much hope ..."

Albert Einstein

What You Do Doesn't Matter

Seriously, what you do doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter today and won’t matter 100 years from now. You may be feeling uncomfortable, even challenged by this idea - particularly if you happen to be invested in the “doing, doing, doing” paradigm that is all pervasive in our society. If you honestly think that what you do and how well you do it is what makes the difference– think again! If you think that what you do is important you are seriously deluded – yes, deluded because you have missed the whole point of BEING here!

You are here to BE the most magnificent you that you can BE. You are not here to DO anything in particular. You are here to BE you – nothing more and nothing less – simply BE you.

“But how do I DO that?” I can hear you ask…and herein lies the divine dichotomy…you do not get to BE who you are by DOING anything. You get to BE who you are by BEING who you are right now, and right now and right now …you get the point! When you let yourself BE wholly and fully who you are then whatever you DO makes a difference because of who you are being. And here’s the kicker – when you get that what you DO really doesn’t matter, then you are free to DO whatever you choose because you know that what really matters is who you are BEING while you do whatever you choose! Neat huh?

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"You might as well BE yourself,
because everyone else is already taken."

Anon

Are You Pressure Sensitive?

A few weeks ago I was asked to get involved in a project with one of my long-term clients (for a new client of theirs). My immediate visceral response was “no” – not my thing really, not really what I do best but rather than simply get the message and respond, I chose to override it with my insidious thinking that I “should consider this” and not wanting to disappoint anyone I said “yes”. After all I was doing something to help my client and I thought “I can do this, I can make this work” and so it began.

One week on and I was feeling anxious. I kept telling myself “I’m a bit anxious and that’s ok and this will work” and I’d let go of the anxiety for a while and carry on. About the same time, I had my annual physical check-up and my blood pressure was higher than usual. My doctor suggested I monitor it for 3 months to see what was going on. Now I was anxious about this too!

Two weeks and many hours of thinking, talking, meetings, phone calls, emails and changing schedules later (and higher than normal BP readings every day) I presented to the client and it was a complete bust! Nothing worked for the client (or for me!) and at the completion the client said it was not going to work and my involvement in the project was terminated. I agreed and rather than feeling not good enough, I actually felt relieved! I felt much calmer than I had in weeks, I had a smile on my face and my body felt different, lighter and more relaxed.

As I was driving home, I realised that I had been putting so much pressure on myself (and everyone else) to “get the project right and make it work” that my wellbeing – physical, emotional and mental – was directly affected. And because I was so intent “doing the right thing” I ignored most of my anxiety and pushed it away. As soon as it was all over, I felt completely different. And the next day my blood pressure dropped significantly (and has stayed in the normal range ever since).

I saw again how easy it is to slip into agreement with my fear, rather than stand for what I know is right for me, even if it feels uncomfortable to say so. And the real epiphany was to see the immediate affect my emotional state has on my health and how quickly it can change.

You’ll Always Get What You Know You Will!

Whatever you think you want, whatever you think you are choosing, the reality is you will get exactly what you know you will, what you feel certain about. Not what you think most often about but what you feel most consistently about.

Now you may think you are clear when you have a clear concept or picture or form of what you want. But how do you feel? Do you feel completely clear and clean? Do you know you will manifest what you say you want? Really? Or is there a niggle of doubt? Do you feel a sense of “ah hah” deep inside, that “gut knowing” or do you feel anxious? Are you certain (like you are certain of your name or age)? Or are you hoping, wishing, praying, beseeching?

The secret to getting what you say you want lies in telling the truth about how you feel - on a sensory level (body response) emotionally (the meaning you give to everything) and the fundamental “gut” level (what you know).

For years I would write a new “life script” on December 31st. I would write down everything I wanted then wait anxiously for things to happen so I could feel valuable, powerful, lovable etc. Sometimes it worked and often it didn’t. Then I discovered that I was doing the process backwards. First I needed to know I am a lovable, valuable, powerful creator. To know who I am without doubt. Then choosing to manifest “stuff” was easy.

So next time you think you know what you want, check out how you feel – what’s really going on inside you. Pay attention to your “gut” response on a sensory level, notice and allow whatever emotional feelings you have and then tell the truth about what feels congruent and what doesn’t. You know what that is. And when you have emotional, sensory and “gut” alignment, manifestation is instantaneous!