The Key To Understanding Anyone

When you have an experience of being misunderstood or are accused of “not understanding”, take a moment to consider that there is something missing that just might make sense of whatever is perceived as “mis-understood”.

Yet when faced with the feelings that accompany misunderstanding, you probably go straight to reacting, protecting and defending and nothing changes.

In the paradigm of cause, understanding starts with a willingness to accept that whatever is happening and however you are reacting to it, there is something else going on under the surface that, when acknowledged, changes everything.

And to know this you only have to look at your own experience of being mis-understood.

What occurs is you say or do something that produces a reaction you do not like/did not expect. Then you push back - usually with the words: “You don’t understand!” and start explaining why the other is wrong for not “getting it/you”. Of course, the blame game never creates resolution, so round and round you go, feeling mis-understood and blaming the other.

When you accept that there was something missing in your original communication which produced the reaction, you can then respond by communicating explicitly and clearly the missing bits. And if you want to know where to look it’s usually that you did not give context before the content so the other makes up what they think you meant.

You have your own very sound reasons for everything you do/say … and so does everyone else. Mis-understanding occurs when you fail to communicate the whole of what’s going on - particularly how you feel - and what you want as a response.

If you want to understand and be understood, say what you mean, ask the other what they mean and respond to the whole communication … and you will understand.

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"I will never ask you to understand my life but I will ask you
not to judge it as you do not understand it"

Eric Patten

The Value Of You

What is the value of you?

If you are tempted to answer this question by first running through a list of all your achievements and judging their value … think again.

The starting place for giving yourself the power to consciously create your life as you want is to look at your current way of valuing yourself and what you do.

There are two distinct meanings for the word value:

1. Precise meaning or significance - intrinsic
2. The desirability of a thing often in respect of its usefulness or exchangeability - relative

Obviously, while you confuse the two meanings of the word value, you remain unclear about your own intrinsic value and you remain confused about who you are and what you can do.

As long as you judge yourself on the basis of relative worth when compared to others, and stay focused on proving you are good/right rather than capable … you don’t have time for much else, it becomes a relentless circle and nothing changes.

If on the other hand, you value yourself for your capacity to BE who you are and choose what you want to DO, then you are free to choose again … and again.

So let go of the good enough stuff, the right/wrong, the good/bad and simply let yourself acknowledge the intrinsic value of who you are AND what you have done which has resulted in whatever is happening. Let go of diverting into explanations and justifications and simply tell the truth about the whole of your reality including acknowledging the value.

As long as you devalue yourself by saying you are not as good or as capable as someone else, because your exchange rate is not seen to be as high, you assume that your ability to create your life as you want it to be is also of limited possibility and value. This is simply not so.

You will discover this for yourself when you are willing to accept that the value of you is that you are YOU … powerful creative being able to choose. When you acknowledge the whole of what is so including that the whole of what you have created has value and take responsibility for it, then you can create anything you can think of.

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"Value yourself.
The only people who appreciate a doormat are people with dirty shoes."

Leo F. Buscaglia

Resolve To Be On Purpose

Nothing like a new year to get inspired and motivated to start something new or “turn over a new leaf” or change something - by making a New Year’s resolution or three …

Yet (as you have probably experienced) the success rate of most New Year resolutions is not very high because they are often content based rather than contextual. Then the initial excitement of making sweeping changes is soon replaced by the ups and downs of daily life and everything that goes with it … including those pesky unconscious habits and behaviours that just keep on keeping on … and resolutions often just go out the window.

If you want to change something or many things, if you are truly resolved to make a new choice or choices … start with getting clear about your purpose.

How you do this is first identify what you want to change, what new choices are you making, then ask yourself: ‘For what purpose?”, and keep asking until you get a clear context.

This year I am choosing to be more organised regarding my finances and budgeting processes; to let go of how difficult I experience keeping up with technology; to stop “stuffocating” myself and let go of a whole lot of stuff I don’t need or use anymore and to enjoy all the moments whatever is going on.

When I asked myself “For what purpose?”  the answers that came were all about ease and flow … when I asked what that was really about for me what came up was “Trust”.

My purpose, my context is Trust in 2017.

Trusting in who I am - powerful, valuable, lovable, responsible, creative;  trusting in what I know including that things will keep changing; trusting in the process and outcomes I am creating whether consciously realised or not and trusting in my ability to respond to whatever shows up.

What’s yours?

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"When you stay on purpose and you refuse to be discouraged by fear,
you align with the infinite self, in which all possibilities exist."

Dr Wayne W. Dyer

Being Yourself

Being yourself is not about doing anything in particular.

It’s about who you choose to BE and how you choose to show up while you do whatever you choose to do.

It starts with the awareness and acceptance that who you are is powerful, loveable and valuable … because you are. Not because you did or did not do something but because you are loveable and powerful and truly okay being you.

And then it’s about accepting how you show up, how you are perceived and received by others and choosing whether to keep showing up that way or make some changes.

Being yourself is about wholeheartedly embracing the paradigm of yourself as cause … that who you are is able to choose and respond and create and manifest whatever you believe you can.

It means being willing to experience the whole of your own reality from the context of being source rather than just from the product point who feels and thinks and reacts. By letting go of valuing yourself solely for what you do and your judgements about how well or badly you do things, you free yourself to value BEING yourself no matter what you do.

It’s about owning yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your choices and all the consequences and taking responsibility for the whole of who you are not just the bits you judge as ok but the whole.

Being yourself is the most liberating choice you will ever make and it’s not for the faint-hearted … it requires rigour and discipline to stay sourced in love when the fearful ego mind comes calling … and when you truly accept yourself, being yourself comes easy.

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"You are you. Now isn’t that pleasant?"

Dr Seuss

Getting To Be Good Enough

Not going to happen … not now … not ever.

The whole “good-enough/not-good-enough” stuff is based on a lie.

And if you are not conscious of it, it runs you.

It’s insidious and deep and sticky and in my experience never really “goes away”. The “not-good-enough” story is on a permanent loop in your ego-mind and it just keeps on playing. You get to choose whether you keep agreeing with it or not. You get to choose how to respond and you get to keep choosing.

The quest for “good enough” is really just a search for a feeling of being ok. A feeling of peace and security instead of feeling “not-good-enough” and the emotions that come with it … shame, hurt, anxious, etc.  So you seek to feel “better”, usually by doing more and more in the hope you will get to be “good enough”.

Well, getting to be good enough is a myth.

Who you are is a magnificent, powerful, loveable creative being and has nothing to do with “good-enough” or “not-good-enough”. Those are both polar opposite judgements about whatever is happening. And as soon as you agree that the judgement about what’s happening is actually about you the creator, rather than about what you have created, down the rabbit hole of fear you go.

So next time the “not-good enough” stuff arises … stop … take a breath … remind yourself this is a feeling, not a fact … breathe …allow the feeling to move through you and release … and it will when you give up your “not-good enough” stuff.

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If your goal in life is to become all that you are
give up the “not-good-enough” stuff
and realise yourself.

The Gift Of The Unconscious

When you choose to embrace: “I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality” it means that you are choosing to BE the cause of the whole of your own reality. However, it does not mean that you CONSCIOUSLY cause or create the whole of your own reality. You consciously create everything that you are aware of creating. And I bet there is a fair chunk of your reality that you do not have consciousness about creating!

Yet you do indeed create it all with love and wisdom. If your choice is to live an authentic, fully realised and self-expressed life, then experiencing the magnificence of who you really are as cause then becoming conscious of your unconscious choices is crucial.

Here’s a few simple steps to help you uncover the gift of your unconscious … what’s really going on … when you find yourself experiencing reality you did not consciously choose.

1. Accept that no matter how you feel about what’s happening, in the paradigm of cause, you did create it. And because you create everything with love and wisdom, whether realised in the moment or not, whatever is occurring is your creation and as such you can respond consciously and choose again.
2. Accept that whatever is occurring is showing you something you have been unconscious of so that you can become conscious and respond differently, i.e., make a different choice. Ask yourself: “What is this really about for me?” and pay attention to what shows up.
3. Accept that whatever you are feeling about what is happening, it’s not the truth about what is happening, it’s the truth about what you are feeling … not a fact and you can respond consciously. So breathe … and allow … and accept … and release.
4. Accept that there is a gift in whatever is manifest and choose to become conscious of how you caused whatever is happening and it’s inherent gift.

The shortcut is simply acceptance of yourself as loveable, valuable, powerful and magnificent creator of the whole of your own reality … and that’s a gift!

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"There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
People will do anything, no matter how absurd,
in order to avoid facing their own Soul.
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light,
but by making the darkness conscious."

- C.G. Jung

You Are Response-Able

Responsibility has nothing to do with blame, shame, guilt or fault. All are derived from a context of fear - the fear that when you do something “wrong” it means that WHO YOU ARE is “wrong” and round you go again with the “not good enough” stuff.

If you want to get off the wheel of making yourself “wrong”, step up and BE responsible - Response-Able - for all that you experience, all that you do and all that you have.

BEING responsible from the paradigm of I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality means that whatever happens, the first place you go is within … the first thing you do is look inside and ask “How did I cause this to occur?” rather than react out of your feelings and blame something or someone outside of you. Tempting as it is, particularly when reacting strongly out of fear, remember to stop …take a breath and let yourself feel the feeling … breathe and allow and let it release. Then you have some space to remember that you are able to respond from love rather than just react out of fear. You are the cause and you can respond any way you choose.

It’s not an easy thing to do when you start … it takes practice and rigour and above all a consistent choice to remember WHO YOU ARE: powerful beyond measure and able to respond. And the more you are willing to BE responsible for all that you experience, the more you are willing to adopt the filter that you are able to respond to whatever shows up, the more you will experience yourself as cause rather than a victim of your fearful ego mind, your emotional reactions and the external world. 

When you remember that fear is an illusion and only love is real, BEING responsible is the key to creating the reality you choose.

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"Responsibility starts with the willingness
to experience yourself as cause…"

Werner Erhard