Let Go ... or ... Go!

2012 is here and so are we!

I believe this year is about letting go of fear as the predominant operating context and embracing LOVE ... by and for every human being on our glorious planet. We have seen enough evidence on the world stage of late that those who choose to hang onto the way it was are being "forced" to go while those who choose to let go, are going forward and creating a new reality.

Letting go is a relentless moment by moment activity. When you are willing to let go of your expectations that the content of your life (things, other people, yourself) should be different, you will experience the freedom you seek ... freedom to BE who you are and to let others BE who and how they are. When you free yourself from expectation and judgement and accept, allow, embrace and respond to what's so moment by moment then nothing is a problem and everything that occurs affords you an opportunity to respond from love.

When you are attached to things/people/yourself being a certain way, it's a surefire prescription for disappointment. The constant need to manage, protect and defend your own position in relation to yourself, others and whatever is happening is exhausting ... not to mention futile in achieving lasting transformation.

The paradox is this: When you are willing to let go of your attachment to any and all of the content and focus on BEING who you are and responding moment by moment from a context of LOVE, you will have everything you ever dreamed of! What it really takes is choosing to let go of fear and then keep choosing to let go, and let go and let go ...

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"When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be."

Lao Tzu

If You Don't Ask … You Don't Get!

A simple phrase that packs a powerful punch when applied to any relationship communication dynamic. Think about it … if you don't ask for what you want - openly, honestly, clearly, directly and completely … you have no chance of getting what you actually want in response.

Imagine going to a restaurant and sitting down at a table and expecting the waiter to know what you want without having to say so. Insane behaviour! Yet time and time again you expect someone else (usually one "special" person) to read your mind without you having to say what you really mean … and when "they" don't get what you mean, you get angry, upset, frustrated and then blame them! Fuelled by fear and sourced in your thinking mind, this insane behaviour goes on all the time and you may not even be aware of it.

First step is to accept that it's really ok to ask for what you want. Then you need to accept that you may not always get what you want from the first person you ask. And if you are willing to let go and ask again, ask someone else, ask for help … and keep communicating, eventually you will get what you want.

Again … simple and not so easy to do until you accept that you can choose to speak up and ask and share whatever you choose. The key lies in truly being responsible for the response you get and keep communicating until you are complete - ie you get want you want!

During this festive holiday season, remember to ask for what truly matters and enjoy receiving whatever you freely give.

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"Ask and you shall receive"

Who or What Are You In Relationship With?

When you experience difficulties or issues in a relationship (personal or professional) ask yourself this question:

Who (or what) am I having a relationship with ... the behaviour or the person?

Most unresolved issues in relationship are caused from the former not the latter. and almost always come from you reacting to someone's behaviour/s you don't like. And when you are having a relationship with someone's behaviour, you focus on what they are doing and having and how the relationship would be so much better if only they would change.

How's that working for you?

Not very well I suspect!

When you focus only on behaviour and the need to change someone else you are on the slippery slope to nowhere you want to be. Look at it from the other point of view: How do you feel when someone reacts to what you do and expects you to change so they feel better? My guess is you do what most people do and you push back - either overtly by resisting and challenging or passive/aggressively by shutting down and withholding. Either way you don't like it.

And there's the rub...

No one does.

Peace and joy in relationship come from source - you. Focus on being who you are - loving, open, honest and response-able - in relationship to the other human being (rather than the human doing). Remember who they really are is the same as you - Love - (even though they don't necessarily behave the way you like) and keep communicating openly, honestly, clearly, directly and completely until the energy shifts and love remains.

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"The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you'd like to see "show up", not what part of another you can capture and hold."

Conversations with God Book 1

Feeling Stuck

If you are feeling stuck - irrespective of your situation, circumstances or environment - the key to getting unstuck is inside you.

Feeling stuck is just that - a feeling, not the truth about anything other than the feeling of being stuck.

The truth is, you are never really stuck ... you just feel like you are.
And herein lies the quintessential secret to inner peace and happiness ... you are the one who chooses what you are feeling, what you are thinking and what you are doing as a result of all that thinking and feeling. When you are feeling stuck and you agree with the feeling, you then experience your reality as being stuck. And on it goes ... thinking what you are feeling is the truth, gathering evidence to support your truth and then feeling more stuck than ever!

How to get unstuck? Simple - and as with most of life's twists and turns ... not so easy at first.

As with most things the first step is to stop ... take a breath and BE where you are ... remember who you are: magnificent, powerful, lovable, valuable being ... feel what you are feeling and observe yourself in your process ... keep breathing and allowing yourself the BE where you are, observe your thoughts ... observe your feelings and let the energy move through you ... keep breathing until you feel a shift in your energy ...

Then ask yourself: "What's really going on?" "What do I need to know?" and simply sit and wait for whatever comes to you. Whatever it is, it will show you the way back to love and peace and joy.

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"I am only ever stuck when I decide I am and choose to be and I can get unstuck simply by choosing to BE"

Before You Communicate Anything

Stop … take a deep breath and slowly exhale …
Get present … in your body …
Breathe … and let go … thoughts … feelings … let go
Simply BE here … now

Once you are present and aware … answer the following BEFORE you communicate anything:

What is the purpose of your communication? Do you just want to be right? Or do you genuinely desire to resolve an issue? Do you just want to vent? Or do you want to be heard? Do you want the other person to change something or stop doing something? Or do you want to change what you are feeling and experiencing? What response do you want?

Once you know your purpose, communicate that first as a context for your whole communication- i.e. say what you mean - context - before you express all the content. This will create a space where the other person can hear what you mean as well as what you say. When you frame-up the meaning of your communication you will be heard and understood and you will create the response you want. When you rush in with a lot of content download (usually out of some intense feeling/emotional state) before clarifying context and meaning, you run the risk of being mis-understood and ending up having a circular A-B conversation where neither is listening and attack/defend is the game!

As with all things in the paradigm of I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality, BEing present in Love is always the starting point. Once there, express what you actually want to say, what you mean and what you want to have happen and then respond with love to what comes back. And remember: The meaning of your communication IS the response you get so keep communicating until you get the response you want.

When you stay present and aware and sourced in Love, all communication is easier and resolution is assured.

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"I’m going to let you know what things mean before I tell you what I am going to tell you"

Dr Stephanie Burns

Are You Confronted By Confrontation?

Recently I’ve been noticing how reluctant many people are to face reality head on and confront difficult relationship issues and situations. So I began researching the most common definitions for the word “confront” and I found four main definitions again and again, these from The Collins Dictionary:

to present or face (with something), esp. in order to accuse or criticise
to face boldly; oppose in hostility
to be face to face with; be in front of
to bring together for comparison
(C16: from Medieval Latin confrontari to stand face to face with, from frons forehead)

Interesting that these four were most common, yet the fear-filled meanings of “...accuse or criticise” and “oppose in hostility” seem to be the only filters that people look through when faced with a confronting situation.

And therein lies the issue...given you decide what everything means through your particular way of filtering the world, you get to decide what anything means at any point in time. When you find yourself avoiding confrontation out of fear you can bet that the meaning you are giving to whatever is happening is also coming from fear and the choice to confront becomes anything but desirable.

So next time you are faced with something or someone you find confronting...stop for a moment...take a breath and check your filters by asking: “What am I making this mean?” and if you don’t like it...change the meaning!

When you choose to view confrontation as simply a choice to meet someone or something “face to face” or “to bring together for comparison” you will find that your energy will shift and your communication will be more effective in achieving a peaceful resolution.

Confrontation is not comfortable and it can be effective when engaged in from love.

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When you confront your greatest fear...
you meet your greatest freedom

Where Are You Leading? A Letter To ALL Leaders

You just don’t get it yet ... do you?

If you had any self-awareness or any real desire to be truly responsible you would realise that all your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviours have an enormous impact and influence on what goes on around you.

No matter how you spin it or frame it - the way YOU show up is perfectly reflected in what is actually happening in your business, your political party, your family, your community and your world. So how’s it working?

When you are leading from a context of FEAR, when that is where YOU are coming from, all you do is continue to lead people further into fear. And that just breeds more fearful behaviours and consequences that you then react to with fearful controlling policies and rules which in turn breeds more fear and the game continues.

But you just don’t get it ...

Because if you did, you would STOP behaving so badly and step-up and actually lead from your loving heart and your compassionate mind, instead of your fear-filled ego-centric idea of who you think you should be to protect your position.

You would remember that you came here to BE the most magnificent you that you can be whatever you do and wherever you go.

Well I will not accept that the best you can BE and DO is what’s showing up today.

I watch question time in our Australian Federal Parliament and am amazed at, and ashamed of, your behaviour. Your communication is appallingly self-serving ... having very little regard for actually responding to the questions/issues that are put to you by your colleagues and your opponents - all fellow human beings.

The relentless in-fighting, name-calling and disrespect that you engage in is insidiously reflected in our society in a myriad of ways from the toxic culture of bullying we experience in our families, schools, communities, business environments and sporting arenas to the corporate greed and “I win, you lose” money-grabbing tactics displayed by people in powerful positions all over the world.

Well (to use an old political slogan) ... It’s Time!

Time to remember we are all connected, we are one planet, one universe - all the same at our very heart. Time to step-up and show up and lead from LOVE.

I urge you to pay attention to what’s really going on, to open up, tell the truth, be responsible and choose to BE the change you wish to see in the world.

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"My life is an indivisible whole, and all my activities run into one another ... My life is my message."

Mahatma Gandhi